I bet you think I’m going to talk about your hair, don’t you? So many women are contemplating letting their locks go naturally gray and some are even doing it (and looking great!). I’m all for it if you feel good about it. But, that’s not what I’m here to talk to you about today.

One day, not too long ago, I was standing in line in New York City waiting to place my lunch order. With not much to do except look around (and gawk at the sheer number of people waiting to order and the efficiency with which the restaurant was handling the crowds), I did a little people-watching.

It will come as no surprise to you, I am sure, that I am always curious about what people are wearing. On this particular day, there had to be at least 30 people in line and about two-thirds of them were women. It shocked me to notice that every person (men and women) was wearing either gray or black. Yes, every single person! Not one person was wearing another color. Not one!

Well, that’s New York City for you, you might say. Maybe, but let me assure you that sadly the black/gray epidemic has spread beyond the Big Apple. When I gave a presentation to 140 young business women in the Boston area, ninety-eight percent of those in the audience were wearing black or gray (perhaps there was a smattering of navy blue but you get the idea). It was startlingly noticeable.

So, here’s what I’m wondering…Why?

Of course, I hear all the reasons from the women I work with but let’s really look at what gray and black are doing for you…or not doing for you, as the case may be. Let’s start with black because there is so much of it out there and everyone assumes it’s a great neutral.

1. Black goes with everything.

This is generally true if black looks good on you and you are wearing all your best colors with it (which are probably pretty strong colors). But, if your most flattering colors are soft and you try to mix them with black all eyes will be drawn automatically to the black because it will be too harsh compared to the colors that look best on you.

And, let me just say this about black. If it isn’t one of your best colors (and your best colors are based on your hair color, eye color, skin color and your personality) wearing black will naturally drain you, and I’m not just talking about color-wise. Black is very powerful and intense, and it will, if it’s not your best color, stifle your natural joy and radiance.

2. Black doesn’t show dirt.

True enough but there are lots of other beautiful dark colors that will do the same thing. So find the one(s) that look great on you, and they will hide a multitude of sins just as well as black does and often look more flattering.

3. Black is slimming.

Again, who cares if it’s slimming if the overall color is harsh and draining. Other deeper colors will do the same thing. And, guess what, even shades of white will work on you when the outfit is well balanced and in your most flattering colors. (I know the thought of wearing shades of white scares a lot of women so just keep breathing…). Creating a slimming effect is not just about color, by any means.

4. Black is a neutral.

For some it is. But for others it’s not. While some stylists believe that a neutral is a neutral, I don’t. I know that everyone has two or three great neutrals they can wear that work beautifully with their natural coloring and blend well with their best colors. They could include brown, navy, gray, black, camel, cream, and white. This creates a seamless look and gives you lots of ways to play with it without worrying about trying to make a color “work.” Who needs or wants that extra stress?

5. Black is easy.

While there is truth to this it’s mostly because the designers throw so much black (and gray) at us that you can build an entire wardrobe all in black in about 20 minutes. Will it be easy? Yes. Will it be satisfying and delicious? Usually not. As you begin to integrate more of your fabulous colors into your wardrobe, an all black outfit (unless black is really one of your absolute best colors) will lose its appeal.

In many women’s closets black is there for all the reasons above, and it’s no wonder that when they get dressed, they easily find an outfit that is “good enough” or “easy” but that feels lacking in personality. Why end up with an entire wardrobe of “good enough” when you can have (and deserve) so much more?

Now let’s look at gray for a minute, too.

For a couple of years now, gray has been the “new black,” and as a result many women have entire wardrobes created around this color. It felt refreshing to them after so much black, but they were hoodwinked into believing that everyone can wear it well and were told that’s because “it’s a neutral.” Yikes! Light gray only looks good on a tiny fraction of people but huge numbers of women are actually wearing it. Charcoal gray is slightly better but then it just comes close to black. Like any color, if it looks good on you then it’s amazing and that makes it a great neutral, otherwise leave it on the rack. (And, if you’re not sure, steer clear!)

I often hear women say, “But gray looks decent on me.” Be careful of this. In most situations, ‘decent’ is synonymous with “good enough,” and that is a far cry from awesome. There was so much gray in the stores that it made buying it easy but, again, this is not a way to build a lasting and delicious wardrobe. As Cheryl Richardson says, always pass up good for great!

It is never worth it to settle for colors you don’t love and that don’t look beautiful on you. Ninety-nine percent of the time you can find at least some of your best colors in the stores (or wait 2 weeks and new shipments of clothes come in in new colors and you can look again). Do this long enough (even in those seasons when the color choices are challenging), and you’ll have a complete (and beautiful) wardrobe. The more you hold firm and select only the colors that look great on you, the better chance you will have of creating a wardrobe you absolutely love. Give in too often and you end up with a ‘decent’ wardrobe – that doesn’t sound particularly inspiring or fun, does it!

This is one of the key steps in creating a beautiful wardrobe, and there’s very little “gray” area here.

Not sure what colors look best on you? Find a color expert (not someone who does colors by the seasons) and have your own personal palette created. It will be one of the best steps you’ve ever taken toward a fabulous wardrobe. For more information about what a consultation with me looks like, go here: http://totalimageconsultants.com/services/personal/color-analysis/

Women never come to me and say I want lots of clothes. Nope…never. In fact, more often than not they tell me that they want to simplify. My interpretation of this is that they want fewer clothes that they wear more often. And while some women might want and actually enjoy accumulating clothes, mostly the pleasure comes from wearing them.

Does this ring true for you, too? Does your sense of yearning come from feeling unfulfilled in your wardrobe (often over a period of years before it gets to the breaking point). You’ve settled into a “good enough” look and then one day notice that you wear the same things over and over because they are easy, and many things hang unworn in your closet.

Multiply this by a million (I suspect it’s at least that many) and that’s a lot of clothes not being worn, and, more importantly, a lot of women feeling out of sorts.

So, why do you have too many clothes? There are lots of reasons and I’ll discuss a lot of them here:

1. You Love To Shop: Let’s get this one out of the way because chances are good that if you’re reading this it is not one of your reasons: you love to shop and enjoy creating beautiful outfits and the biggest problem you encounter is that you don’t have enough days in the week to wear them all as often as you’d like. Okay, so there…we said it. There are some women out there like that for sure but unless they run out of closet space they are usually pretty happy with what they have. If this is you, it can still be helpful to pare things down periodically to the outfits that are your most favorite. Why not do this quarterly? Donate garments, consign, have a clothing swap with your friends, or at least pack lesser-worn items away to see if you really miss them.

2. You Might Need It Someday: This is a biggie. You’ve rarely (or never) worn it. You’re not even sure you like it or that it fits, but, hey, what if you need it someday to complete an outfit. No! No! No! If you can’t make an outfit with it right now (and especially if you don’t love it), get it out of your closet (pack it away if you can’t bear to get rid of it completely). And, if you’re not sure if it can work in your wardrobe get help to find out first. You won’t believe the relief you’ll feel knowing one way or the other. Remember, there is no room in your closet for things you don’t love.

3. Giveaways and Hand-Me-Downs: This is one of those really tricky areas. People feel good about passing things along but they need to work for you…I mean really work for you! Comfort and free clothes are not the most important criteria to consider – it’s a reasonable (and fun) starting place but, before you decide to keep it and wear it, you must ask yourself these questions for starters: Is it a good color? Does it fit or can it be (and will you) tailored? Can you make a complete outfit out of it? If it can’t pass those tests, it goes away!

4. You Spent Good Money On It: All the more reason to understand why it does or doesn’t work so you can either wear it or let it go. Once you know how to complete the outfit you can get your money’s worth out of it. Or, if you finally understand why it doesn’t work, you can let it go and chalk it up to a learning experience (and be wary of making that mistake again).

5. Your Weight Fluctuates: Join the crowd! Raise your hand if you own clothes in more than one size. I can assure that 95% of all women (especially those of us over 40) just raised their hands. It’s okay. Relax and take a breath…phew. What’s not okay, however is keeping all the sizes in the same closet. No! Only the clothes that fit you now belong in the closet you use on a daily basis. Everything else needs to be in another closet or packed away until they do fit.

6. Clinging to the Past: Do you have clothes in your closet from 1992…1987 or even before? Clothes from another job where you had to dress more conservatively? Clothes from a past lifestyle when you used to sail all the time or attend a lot of formal functions? Assessing whether your wardrobe addresses your current lifestyle needs is very important. Hanging onto things you used to wear will keep you stuck in a rut and won’t help you feel authentically you anymore. (And, a special word about the energy of clothes. If some of your past outfits were from a painful or unpleasant time in your past, all the more reason to remove them immediately. You don’t need to keep that energy alive in your closet – it will only deplete you.)

7. It’s Classic: This follows right on the heels of “clinging to the past.” Yes, some styles have a timeless quality about them but many fewer than you would think. Chanel jackets are one thing but even little black dresses and something as basic as jeans go through style changes as the years pass. Yes, you want to take good care of your clothes so you can wear them as long as possible, but the main purpose of your clothes is to be worn. If you really love them and enjoy wearing them…then wear them so much that they wear out. Yes! That means you’ve gotten your money’s worth and have enjoyed the garment before it goes out of style (which 99% of the time will happen).

8. Peer Pressure: This is a tricky one. There’s a fine line between helpful advice from BFF, mother, sister and friendly sales woman and being railroaded into buying something you don’t love. Who needs to add one more thing to their wardrobe that doesn’t feel wonderful? Yes, you want to step out and try new things AND at the same time honor who you are (not the people who are trying to help you). The more you can feel self-confident knowing what you love and what you don’t love the easier it will be to say no to unwanted pressure to buy.

9. Searching For the Perfect Pieces: I once did a wardrobe consultation with a woman who had easily 40 white blouses in her closet. Of those 40 blouses, she generally wore 1 or 2. That’s it! So why did she have so many? Because someone had mistakenly told her that every woman should have a white blouse in her wardrobe and, even if that were true, she discovered that finding the perfect white blouse was trickier than she thought. She kept buying them hoping she’d find one that she loved. She didn’t. The solution? Stop buying white blouses! Find out if a white blouse really speaks to who you are and if so, hold out for one that makes your heart sing (and that you can actually make a complete outfit out of). Otherwise, try something else.

10. You Can’t Get Rid of Anything: This one is arguably the trickiest. It really depends on why you can’t get rid of things. It could be a combination of the reasons above or it could be more deep seeded in which case getting some outside guidance will be so important. Holding on to things that no longer serve you because of past experiences or because they give you peace will eventually backfire. Finding peace within your soul will help you move things along with grace and ease.

Wow! Do you see yourself in one (or more) of those? If so, the most important thing is to take one baby step at a time. That’s it. Just one!

Overwhelm is one of the big reasons women never do anything about an out of control wardrobe. The closet door closes and it’s out of sight out of mind until the next time you get dressed. And, then it smacks you in the face again. Living with that kind of frustration day in and day out does not make for a happy experience.

Getting dressed is meant to be a joyful (or at the very least easy and satisfying) experience. So, what’s the one step you will take in the next 24 hours to move you out of overwhelm and closer to joy? ________________ Please share in the comments area below. Making this commitment will tell the universe you are ready to do some clearing, and we’ll all help support you!

This summer I was shopping at Nordstrom Rack and came across an Alberto Makali top that caught my eye. The colors were beautiful and the design was sparkly, ethereal and just plain pretty! But I hesitated…just for a split second, but I made note of the hesitation.

My momentary uncertainty intrigued me. What was keeping me from running right into the dressing room to try it on (although I did ultimately do that)? Was I limiting my options or was it really not me?

Have you done the same thing? Have you admired something or been even mildly captivated by something but just walked on by – determining from past experience or some nebulous fashion rules you think you remember hearing somewhere that it isn’t right: women over 40 shouldn’t wear it, horizontal stripes are a no-no, or anyone with hips needs to stay way far away from that style… (you get the idea)?

Here’s something to ponder: There’s a fine line between “knowing” yourself (for instance, feeling genuinely confident that harem pants are not for you) and ‘limiting’ yourself, and your style when it’s not necessary.

Many women pigeon hole themselves into a prescribed way of dressing and thereby limit their options and often squelch their sense of delight. Their wardrobe becomes functional and one-dimensional — devoid of any personal style and their boredom level escalates.

What is at the root of a one-dimensional wardrobe?

• For some it is a fear of stepping out and being noticed as opposed to blending in or trying to disappear.
• Some worry they will make a fashion mistake and look silly. It’s understandable that someone would rather look and feel boring than silly, but it is rare that most women will push the envelope to the point of looking silly. Their worry is generally unnecessary. Unfortunately, anything outside the norm of what they usually wear feels so foreign that they lose perspective on whether it’s trendy, fashionable, cutting edge or none of the above. As a result, tried and true (or not so true but at least safe) wins out.
• And some women are so bound and determined to “find their style” that they hyper focus on certain designs to the exclusion of all else – “knowing” that they can’t wear those things – although not always knowing where that knowing came from (and it has often been received second or third hand at best).
• Still others try really hard but can’t quite seem to figure out how to make it all work and give up from sheer overwhelm and frustration.

I hear this from women all the time. “I can’t wear that,” or, “That doesn’t work on my body,” or, “I’ve tried that before, and it just doesn’t look good.”

Sure, sometimes it’s true but honestly, more often than not it is a self-imposed fashion rule. And, most fashion rules have an exception from time to time.

The next step is: How do you move into a wardrobe that has more personality and dimension without it feeling overwhelming or making lots of expensive mistakes?

Let me go back to the Alberto Makali top I eyed. I was intrigued enough to try it on. Sure, in general I am not the bohemian type but I also know that it’s all about how you interpret any given style, bohemian included.

The top is beautiful! I did buy it.

• It fit me perfectly.
• The colors are beautiful and great on me.
• The top has that ethereal, slightly bohemian quality but in an exquisite, elegantly beautiful way.
• I wear it with more structured pants to keep me from feeling swallowed up by too much airy fabric.
• I wear it when my mood (and the temperature) is more relaxed, sultry and quiet.
• And, I got it at Nordstrom Rack so if I had made a mistake (better to make an occasional mistake than feel restricted by too many self-imposed rules), it would not have been an expensive one.

How can you translate this experience for yourself?

• Pay attention to what catches your eye. It never hurts to try something on. The worst case scenario is that it looks terrible or doesn’t fit right (and can’t be tailored) and you take it off and put it back on the rack. No harm done and often something valuable learned.
• Complete the outfit before you decide. Tossing something on with a pair of sweat pants or sneakers and a skirt will not help you visualize (unless you’re very good at it!) whether the garment has potential. Try to complete the outfit as closely as possible in the dressing room to give you as much of an idea of how it will look finished as possible.
• Listen to your heart and be practical all at the same time. Always imagine where you’ll wear the garment and how it will fit into your wardrobe and lifestyle. AND, if it is something you absolutely love, be adventurous. Hey, although mostly I wear the Alberto Makali top casually and socially, I might choose to wear it to a picnic or baseball game (not that I went to either this summer) if I felt inspired to and it made me feel good – who says I can’t!

Each of us has different parts to our personalities and part of the fun of getting dressed is not only liking the way we look (of course) but also expressing each part of our personality that desires to be expressed in a heart-felt, authentic way. Sure, there are parameters determined by your body type, your age (sometimes), and the particular occasion, but you get to put the spin on how you express your own individuality. Don’t let yourself get stuck in a rut or a hard and fast prescribed way of dressing. Exploring is part of what keeps it all interesting and fun!

The Fall shopping season is my favorite.  The colors are beautiful and everything looks so cozy.  For the most part, I have to say that this season is shaping up nicely (of course, it is still early but I’m hopeful it will stay that way and get even better as the months pass).

Brown is back (a huge yay!) – although it is still only dribbling into the stores but that should change as the weeks pass.  Stacked heels are giving women the lift without the wobbly feeling.  And, there’s more!

That’s what this special seasonal update is all about.  I’ll share with you what I love and what I don’t in my Fall 2011 “Bewitched, Bothered & Bewildered” Fashion report.  Enjoy!

Bewitched

Color: Bright, bold and rich colors are in.  It’s a delicious time of year!  Orange (we’ll come back to this), cobalt blue, red (yes, it’s a tribute to vampires and blood), magenta, Forest colors (sage, hunter, jade, teal).  Brown is back…thankfully!  And, camel takes on more of a rust tone.

Let’s talk about red for a minute.  They are touting it everywhere as THE color of the season, but I just spent an entire day in Lord & Taylor in New York City with a client who really wanted to wear red and could we find any at all?  Nope!  Not one piece.  So, perhaps it is planning to be fashionably late but don’t get too excited about it yet.

All of this is good except the focus on orange (it’s not a great color for a lot of people although those of us who can wear it are happy!) and the camel moving closer to rust is not fabulous.  Again, those with super duper warm tones in their skin will be ecstatic.  Everyone else will have to admire it from afar!

Dresses & Skirts: There is a lot going on here – every imaginable length is in.  Work dresses (with sleeves…hallelujah!) are hot.  Midi’s (that hit mid-calf) are the newest (albeit tricky) addition.  If it hits you at the widest part of your calf it will make your legs look heavy, so be careful.  Maxi dresses are all the rage but they can overwhelm you in a heartbeat and can look a little goth.  Go ahead and try them but don’t feel badly about leaving them on the rack.

Stacked Heels (including loafers): This trend will make many women’s hearts sing.  What’s most lovely about this is that every heel width is still available so for those for whom stacked heels are too clunky, you can still find slimmer heels, wedges and flats.   For those who have been longing to wear heels but don’t like teetering on stilts, these will be a blessing.  The loafer look (some are even platforms!) could be a bit over the top but some will embrace it and carry it off just great.  It can be a fun look with pants.

Shimmer for Day: One of my favorites!  When the weather gets cold and dreary, wearing something with a little shimmer or sparkle can be a great pick-me-up.  Here’s a great example to wear under a casual sweater or a jacket: http://shop.nordstrom.com/s/lauren-by-ralph-lauren-sleeveless-metallic-jersey-top/3191392?origin=keywordsearch&resultback=5934

Plaid: Once again, plaid is big for Fall.  Like most prints, a little goes a long way so if you like it wear it sparingly and be sure the basic colors in it look good on you.  If you just want to experiment, a scarf is a great way to add a touch of it without going overboard: http://www.zappos.com/echo-design-embroidered-plaid-olive

Capes: Capes are pretty but often fairly impractical – at least here in the northeast where there are usually about 10 days when the weather is just right for you to wear them.  But, if you like that Jane Eyre kind of feeling, have fun with it.  Here’s a beautiful short cape (that is also cruelty-free!): http://shop.nordstrom.com/S/via-spiga-asymmetrical-cape/3176405?origin=related-3176405-60133843-0-1-1

Bothered

Bright Pants: Oh, dear, I had a little 1980’s déjà vu.  Bright red jeans are everywhere.  With rare exceptions (most of which are on the very young) they are tricky.  You really have to know what you are doing and have the personality to pull it off.  Eager to try them?  Get one pair and see what you think (and if you wear them or they sit in your closet looking tempting but never actually make it on your body!).  If you aren’t sure, I’d say skip it.

Feathers in your hair: This is a hugely cruel new fashion trend.  Those long feather extensions sported by celebrities like Mylie Cyrus and Hillary Duff come from live roosters.  They are not fake.  It is bad enough that the roosters are raised so their feathers can be used as fishing lures in fly-fishing but to be a fashion trend has caused the demand to escalate and more roosters are suffering.  Please say no to such a cruel and unnecessary trend. Click here to read more.

Choker Necklaces: These remind me of a prom outfit gone wrong.  Occasionally they can look sweet but mostly not.  And, if you have any softness in the neck area, they will only draw attention to it.  Not to mention that the proportions are totally unbalanced.   There are plenty of other beautiful necklace trends and lengths to experiment with (including long pendants).  I suggest leaving this one alone.

Silky pants: With rare exceptions these will look like you are wearing your pajamas.  They are great for lounging around the house or for celebrities who are super trendy, but otherwise save your money for a style more lasting and flattering.

Sky High Platforms: So what’s up (so to speak) with this crazy trend.  Women are falling (yes, they are!) and teetering unattractively on platforms so high that we fear for their lives.  It is hard to walk gracefully in a shoe like this!  Yes, I think platforms are great fun but when women’s lives (and ankles) are at risk or they walk funny, then what’s the point?

Bewildered

Beehive Hairdo: I have often wondered if this style would ever make a comeback.  Well, it has and not only that but it has incorporated a twist that makes it even a little more eeeuw! – Imagine a “grunge beehive” and the image that brings up.  I’m sure a beehive hairdo can be done tastefully especially if it’s just for an evening out (although I still can’t imagine it’s good for your hair!) but when you add the grunge factor I think all hope is lost.

Mustard Hues: I thought yellow was challenging when that was all the rage for a few seasons but now they are taking it one step further from wearability – mustard!  Sure, there are a few people who look good in it but whereas at least bright yellow looks lively and fun, mustard just looks blah and a tad sickly on someone whose skin tone can’t handle it.  Unless you’re sure, skip it!

The Denim Shirt: Denim never seems to go out of style and that’s fine.  Now that we have a little stretch in denim I have my fair share.  But, when it comes to jean shirts and dresses, beware.  Most of them are made from a soft, lighter colored denim.  Unless you are sure this is a great color for you, I would walk on by.  Also, in most cases, it has a super casual, slightly rustic feel to it, so if that doesn’t fit with who you are or how you want to express your style, again, leave it on the racks.

The shopping season is in full swing and there is a lot to celebrate out there, and, as always, the styles will shift and evolve as the season moves along. Right now, for instance, there are not many jackets for women to wear to work (although there are plenty of suits), while there are lots of long cardigan sweaters.  They can be great for business casual but it’s nice to have the option of a fabulous jacket or two…I suspect we’ll see more of those in the next month.

Have fun exploring.  You’ll see lace, peplums and polka dots throughout the season as well – all fun trends for the right person.  If shopping sometimes feels overwhelming, take this guide with you for a little moral support!

Plan to shop now and again in October, and you’ll round out your wardrobe for the approaching winter.  Mostly, have fun and listen to your inner voice as it guides you to styles that look and feel fabulous!

Are you confused? Do you head into a store all hopeful and happy and leave disgruntled and crabby? Some of you tell me that shopping has gotten to the point where you walk into the store filled with dread and a certainty you won’t find anything – that’s how often you’ve been disappointed.

Knowing what to buy and what looks good can feel tricky. I regularly get questions about particular styles and whether they are suited to someone over 40…and in some cases, anyone at all regardless of her age.

So, I thought we’d have a little fun with it. Let’s talk about 5 fashion or makeup styles that are questionable at best and are, in some cases, absolute no-no’s, especially for women over 40(ish).

1. Puffy Short Sleeves. We are not little girls anymore, and puffy sleeves have a tendency to infantilize grown women. Sure, it can depend on the degree of “puff” and the feeling of the rest of the outfit, but if you put something on and the first thing you see when you look in the mirror is a young girl staring back at you, it’s probably best to leave it to the teenagers. If it is combined with a babydoll style top, don’t even try it on.

2. Too Tight Tops. Not too long ago my partner and I were having lunch in our favorite restaurant and a group of women walked in – two young women and a third woman who we presumed to be their mother. The mother was wearing a white spandex, low cut top. It left absolutely nothing to the imagination (especially from behind) and was unflattering on too many levels to count. I felt sad for her because instead of making her look younger it made her look older.

Yes, the style these days is to wear everything super tight, and in some cases it can have a slimming effect (if the fabric has enough body to hold you in). But, more often than not the opposite is true. Combine that with the fact that the designers today (especially in the summer) have a tendency to make tops out of paper thin fabrics that forgive absolutely nothing and reveal everything. Whether or not you find it attractive, the one certainty is that it is distracting.

Always be sure the fit of your garments skims your body and the fabric glides rather than clings.

3. Too Short Pants. Pants that end at the ankle are universally unflattering. They will always make your legs look shorter and never hit you at a place that balances your body. Mostly, they just look like you washed your pants and they shrank but you didn’t notice.

4. Heavy Eyeliner. Many women get stuck in a makeup rut wearing what they’ve always worn because it used to work. The problem is that what was fun and trendy when we were younger can look heavy and overwhelming when we are a tad older. So many women have come to me wearing a thick pencil or liquid eyeliner that probably was chic when they were 20 but now is distracting and just too much on their eyes. We see the eyeliner first and foremost and never get to notice the natural beauty of their eye color.

If this sounds familiar, switch for 10 days to using a powder liner on your upper lashline. Use a small liner brush and smudge it right between the lashes. Use a very dark brown, charcoal or even black. This look has a lot of impact without looking overwhelming.

Wearing eye makeup in a new way can be one of the hardest things for a woman to get used to. It is true that when we’ve seen ourselves the same way for many years, we almost don’t recognize our faces when the makeup changes. Even seemingly subtle changes have a big impact, which is why I suggest wearing your new look for 10 days before you decide (plus it can take you a little while to feel comfortable with a new technique).

5. Unnatural Lip Line. As we get older our lips get thinner. This is bad news for those of us who naturally have thinner lips. Knowing how to plump them up a bit without using injectibles is tricky. I’ve noticed women lining outside their natural lipliner with a lip pencil or wearing their lipstick slightly outside the natural line. Please don’t. Mostly it makes you look a bit like Goldie Hawn in “First Wives Club” and looks simply curious at best.

I understand this issue since I have a naturally thin upper lip. I use a very natural colored dry (not creamy) lip pencil to line just at the upper edge of my natural line. The color looks like my natural lips and that’s about as much as I can push it without it looking kind of scary! In case you’re interested, this is the lip liner I use: BWC Pinky Brown Lip Liner http://www.totalimageconsultants.com/makeup.shtml#lips The dryness of the pencil helps keep lipstick from bleeding.

And, when it comes to choosing a lipstick color, keep it in the light or medium range – never dark. And, smile a lot!

I want to be sure to acknowledge that fashion is not an exact science. I’ll be the first to say that. You will definitely find exceptions to every rule, and I am definitely one for trying new things and exploring new styles. That said, the ones I shared above are fashions that unless you are absolutely, positively sure you can pull them off, let someone else experiment with them. I promise that there are so many other beautiful styles out there that it’s really not necessary to try to “make” something work. If you have to try that hard it generally isn’t worth it, and you won’t miss anything by leaving it out.

Are you a woman over 40 who has your own list of questionable styles? Please share!

How often do you shop for clothes or accessories online?

When you do, do you LOVE what you get?  Hmmm…that’s what I thought…sometimes you do and sometimes you don’t.

When you shop on-line you have the entire world of fashion at your fingertips…or so it seems.  Of course, this can be a blessing or a curse.  It can leave you delighted by all the options or totally paralyzed with indecision.

Chances are good, however, that if you are reading this, you spend most of your online shopping dollars at resources that you have found to be tried and true.  And, chances are good you are feeling somewhat uninspired by your purchases.  Right?

You might know (from a previous blog post) that I have mixed feelings about on-line shopping.  Yes, it can make life so easy (at least up front), but it can also complicate things unmercifully when what you get doesn’t live up to your expectations.  Returns, exchanges, frustration and despair can ensue.  Not to mention that it can get costly and your closet can end up looking like a strange confusion of styles that doesn’t make any sense together or it can feel like a collection of blah “basics” – neither is quite what most women are looking to create.

So, yes, I still advocate finding designers you love and frequenting their on-line stores.  These stores and designers are smart.  They make it easy for you to come back time and time again.  You generally know what size you wear and what to expect from their clothes or accessories.  That’s all good.

If, however, you find yourself longing for something different, for a little extra pizzazz in your wardrobe, maybe a view of what else is available in the world of fashion, or perhaps a shot at finding your favorite designer for less, then I’d like to suggest a few places to explore.

Let me give you an example. I’m a huge fan of Not Your Daughter’s Jeans – I own them in 4 colors!  Recently, on one of these on-line shops they featured NYDJ’s at more than half off the full price.  Wow!  A variety of styles and colors – something for nearly every NYDJ’s fan.

Just a little note: the sites that offer great savings also often sell out pretty fast.  It’s definitely worth taking a quick peek when the announcement comes in so you can see if there is something that interests you and get to it before it’s gone.

Some of these sites offer sought after brands at private sale prices and others offer a vast selection of designer brands (not always at discounted prices) you can’t find other places, so they serve two different purposes.

On-line Shopping Resources

Example of pretty dress at Ideeli

www.ideeli.com/invite/GingerBurr - This is a free “member-site” so you do have to sign up (by invitation from a friend) and then you are notified of daily sales on designer brands at up to 80% off.  Amazing deals!
www.tinyurl.com/BeyondTheRack-Ginger - Beyond the Rack is a private shopping club for women and men who want designer brand apparel and accessories at prices up to 70% off retail.  Membership is free, but like Ideeli you must be invited by a friend such as the link above.

www.ruelala.com/invite/gburr446 - Each day at 11 am they introduce new selections of sales (again, big sales of usually around 50%) that will last for 2 days (or until they sell out).  Their notifications are clear, and so it’s easy to see if there’s something you want to take a closer look at.

A beautiful clutch that also empowers women (at Purecitizen)

www.tinyurl.com/purecitizen-ginger - This is a very special site that works similarly to the others above but with a twist – they feature ethical fashion, organic beauty, fair trade home, independent artists and designers, and more…Each sale lasts 72 hours and products are marked down 30-90%!  And, each sale benefits a non-profit.

www.shopittome.com - Eco-friendly and vegan options are easy to follow on Shop It To Me.  You get to choose the brands you follow and you will be notified as often as you’d like when they go on sale!  Wow!

beta.swirl.com/invite/GingerBurr – Swirl is an online sample sale site created in partnership with DailyCandy. What this means for you: clothing and accessories from the world’s best designers, from up-and-coming buzzmakers to our favorite established brands, at up to 80% off.

Stunning Stella McCartney shoes at Bluefly

www.bluefly.com – A longtime online retailer (with a great search option)) — they offer the fashions at 20-75% off and if you sign up for their email alerts you will receive a $10 discount on your first order.

www.yoox.com – Similar to Bluefly, they have been around for a long time (since 2000) and boast a collection of fashions that are hard to find other places.  Plus, these are not on a time limit like some of the other sites (nor do they offer the significant savings the other sites do).  They do, however, have a great search option so you can refine what you are looking for and are not restricted to just what is on sale that day.

http://www.shopbop.com/welcome?invitation_code=4242224QBCYShopbop tends to be a bit trendy but has tons of fashions to choose from, and they offer free shipping and free returns (that’s big!).

And, as an added bonus, with some of these sites you will receive a credit (usually $10-$25) when you refer a friend to one of these sites (as I am doing), and she makes her first purchase.

Here’s the bottom line: Looking doesn’t cost you anything and, as a result, you just might find a fresh, fabulous resource and take your wardrobe and personal style on a new adventure!  Each site offers new fashions and possibilities that you might not even know exist otherwise.  Sure, most of what you’ll see you’ll pass by, but if you discover that one great “find” that delights your senses and makes you happy to wear it, it’s worth it!

Do you have a favorite, unusual on-line shopping resource?  Please let us know!

I’ll be the first to admit that there is an exception to every fashion rule.  And, for sure I am a huge proponent of creating a look that expresses your own spectacular personal style AND (this part is critical) that feels like you.

Fashion no-no’s, however, fall into a league all their own.  These are looks that are almost (I’ll speak more to the “almost” part of that equation in a minute) universally unflattering.  I, for one, know of no woman who wakes up each morning thinking, “Why don’t I put something on today that looks dreadful.”

Think about it.  Is that ever your desired goal when you get dressed?

So, what happens?  Why are there so many fashion no-no’s floating around out there?  And, think very carefully…have you experienced one yourself?

There are lots of reasons why these no-no’s are so pervasive.  Let me briefly share three of them (you can also learn more about them in greater detail and how to prevent or overcome them in my body image, self-esteem and style home study program, Who Taught You How To Dress?:

We all have busy lives and we all want to feel good about how we look.  It sounds simple, I know, but sometimes those two things feel mutually exclusive, don’t they?  Let me assure, however, that they are not.

Sometimes it’s the little things that can make all the difference in the world, and sometimes we just need a little reminder to get off autopilot and create a new awareness.  And, because our lives are busy, the more we can streamline the issue of wardrobe and personal style, the easier it is to satisfyingly fit it into our lives in a meaningful way.

For instance, I have done many makeup consultations with women who complain that their lips are chapped and dry so their lipstick or gloss doesn’t look good.  One of the things I mention is that they might be licking their lips and that, while momentarily effective, actually causes your lips to dry out more.  Nine times out of 10 she’ll tell me she doesn’t lick her lips.  Then, proceeds to lick them about 20 times in the next 3 minutes.  What a freeing (albeit a tiny bit aggravating, I admit!) moment to find out you have a habit you were unaware of.  But, the good news is that with a little attention to the issue, it is easily resolved.

It is with that intention in mind that I offer to you ’3 Common Beauty Mistakes.’  If you find one that is true for you, it will create a new opportunity to pay attention and replace it with a new mindset or action that supports your desire to feel good about how you look (and do it as easily and joyfully as possible…yay!).

So here they are:

Buying By Price Alone:

I doubt there is a woman around (at least I don’t know one) who hasn’t done this.  For example, you see something on sale and you think, hmmmm, it was originally 10 times the price or you’ve always wanted something by this designer, or (remember this one?) you figure you’ll be able to fit into it soon, or you’ll find the piece to complete the outfit later, or maybe…you used to have something like this and loved it…you get the idea.

Clearly, there is nothing strategic about the purchase.  It is based primarily on fantasy and a desire to get a great deal.  While there is certainly nothing wrong with fantasy and great deals, sadly, it is not a great deal if you never wear it!  Remember, it’s price per wear and not the price you paid that is the most important. Keep this front and center in your mind when you shop those January sales!

Out of Sight Out of Mind:

Have you ever found something in your wardrobe, dresser or clothing trunk that you had totally forgotten about?  What delight ensues!  It’s like shopping in your own closet except you’ve lost months or maybe years of opportunity to wear the garment because you didn’t know you had it (oh…that part’s not so good).

This is one of the dilemmas of having too many clothes, too little storage space or not storing them efficiently (or all 3!).

Here’s the key: Keep as many things in plain sight as possible. Don’t tell anyone but I even hang many of my sweaters (unless they are really so heavy or delicate that it will damage them) so I remember I have them.  And, most of the ones I do not hang I store on a shelf in my closet – right in plain view.

And, one more tip…if you have those tiered hangers for pants or skirts, beware.  Unless you only have one so you know all your pants or skirts are in one place, they can be a closet nightmare.  Most women don’t know what they have on them and keep them only because they don’t take up much space or they don’t want to fiddle with the hanger to remove them.  And, they encourage you to have more clothes than you can wear!  With rare exceptions they are not doing you any favors.

Shopping When You Are Crabby:

Have you ever gone grocery shopping when you are SO hungry?  What happens?  Without fail, you either forget to buy things you needed or you buy things you wouldn’t normally purchase because they looked appealing in your famished state?

Well, clothing shopping is kind of like that only generally your mistakes cost more.  I remember once shopping with a woman who I had shopped with before but this time was different.  Everything I showed her she didn’t like without it even touching her body, or she’d put something on and immediately find a reason to dislike it.

We stopped shopping long enough for me to ask her how she was feeling and she said she’d had a really horrible day so far.  Everything was going wrong.  She was late for every appointment.  Her car was acting funny.  You name it, she had it going on.

So, I had her sit down and just breathe for a minute and then suggested we reschedule.  Her mood was going to keep her from making good choices that she loved and/or if she did purchase something it would always have that “bad day” feeling attached to it.  Who needs that!

Do not shop when you are crabby.  Either take 20 minutes and go have a cup of tea and relax and start over, or go home and do it another day.  It’s better to waste a few minutes than to waste hours (not to mention money) buying things you don’t love.

So, there you have it.  Three tried and true beauty mistakes we’ve all probably experienced at some point or another.  The key here is to keep them as past learning experiences and not a continual pattern!  Remember, awareness is step #1 and now you can move on to adjusting your habits so you get more joy and mileage out of both your shopping and dressing experiences!

Picture this…it’s cold outside, you’re slightly weary, and you just want to sit with a cup a tea and a good book.   But, you have to pick the dog up from the groomer, your daughter from art class, drop off a document to your new client and make a quick stop at the grocery store so you have something for dinner.  What do you wear?  (Hah!  I bet that wasn’t the first question you asked yourself!)

But let’s pretend it was…here’s where it gets tricky.  Your soul screams for cozy (and let’s just get going) and your heart says, “But I want to feel good about how I look, too.”  If it were your children fighting over a toy, you’d say, “Break it up, you two, let’s play nice!” (well, maybe not exactly those words, but you get the idea!).

So, I am suggesting that you can do the same with your style tug of war.  Let’s play nice!

What I have found is that as we get older something happens…neither our psyches nor our bodies tolerate discomfort in the same way.  There comes a point when we say, enough is enough.  Give me polar fleece or give me…well, it’s not that bad.  And, while we sometimes gain a little extra cushioning on some parts of our bodies, places like the balls of our feet lose it.  (The good news is that we now have many more fashionable choices of comfortable shoes than we did 30 years ago.)

So how do you make peace between the part of you that longs for comfort and that part that loves the confidence that comes from feeling good about how you look?

Here are a few ideas to ponder…

•    Stretch Is Your Best Friend: Get it out of your mind that comfy is equated only with sweats or the equivalent.  That used to be the case, that’s true.  But now with the inclusion of stretch in so many garments, we can breathe a little easier (yes, even after a plentiful meal).  For example, years ago, I never understood everyone’s love affair with jeans.  To me they felt restrictive, stiff, unforgiving (unless you wore them really baggy), and heavy.  Not any more.  Stretch has made a world of difference, and now I have jeans in black, brown, white and blue.  Love them!

This picture of me is from the Studio (www.studio233.com) one of my favorite stores in Brookline.  Every item I am wearing has stretch in it (the jacket is by Joseph Ribkoff) – super comfortable and pulled together!

•    Overlooking Possibility: You can’t always tell how something will feel (well, if the fabric feels like sandpaper you can probably pass it by) until you actually try it on. You might be pleasantly surprised – and if you’re not, it can easily go back on the rack.   For example, I happen to like high heels (although I wouldn’t exactly describe them as “cozy.”).  I try to be smart about how often I wear them so I don’t torture my feet, and I try to get ones that are relatively comfortable while I have them on.   That said, it always amazes me that sometimes I have shoes that have 3″ heels that feel miles better than a pair with a heel height half that high.  What’s my point, you ask?  Do not dismiss something simply because you “assume” it will be uncomfortable.  If it intrigues you try it on and figure out the comfort level from there.

You’ll probably think I’m crazy (I thought I was at first, too!) but I walked all over New York City in these shoes http://www.zappos.com/madden-girl-kizzler-black-paris and the sandals I wore the day before which were much lower heels gave me blisters!  Go figure!

•    Messy Begets Messy: Ever wonder why you feel so disheveled, out of sorts, not pulled together?  If your closet looks like a bomb went off in it then it’s hard to find the energy (especially when you are rushed or tired) to filter through all the stuff to get to something you really want to wear or to mix and match to create an outfit you love.  Often, as a result, what gets worn is what is easy to find and the subsequent outfit can often look a bit piecemeal at best.  Controlling closet clutter can do wonders for your style in the long run.  (Hint: Don’t try to tackle it all at once.  You’ll just get frustrated (or never do it).  Take baby steps to create an organize closet over time.)

•    Cozy And Shapeless Are Not One And The Same: Some of my most comfortable clothes are Joseph Ribkoff designs.  They are incredibly versatile, washable (yay!), and super duper comfortable.  Even his jackets have stretch and feel amazing on.  They are form-fitting, and if I could have an entire wardrobe of Joseph Ribkoff, I think I would (now, if he’d just stop making so much black…).

Anyway, my point is that just because something follows your body shape does not mean it has to feel restrictive or uncomfortable.  Believe me, I understand because I have no patience for that any more either.  But, I know lots of women who buy clothing that is 3 sizes too big (and I understand that comfort is not always the driving reason behind it but 9 times out of 10 it’s part of it at least) because they do not want to feel constrained in any way.  Don’t let this false assumption keep you trapped in yards of unnecessary and unflattering fabric!

Whether you see yourself in one, two or all of the above scenarios, the bottom line is that we often tend to have a narrow, pre-conceived interpretation of what comfort means when it comes to our wardrobe.  Yes, I admit that few things are as delicious as polar fleece, but I have also seen many surprised (and delighted) smiles on women’s faces when they discover that something they think is pretty is also comfortable.  How exciting and how fun!  It will open up a whole world of comfy-cozy options…just you see!

Yay!  Your feet slide into sandals, you wiggle your toes and breathe a sigh of relief.  Summer is here, your feet are free, and you are good to go, right?  Well, maybe…

It is easy to forget about our feet.  I mean, hey, they are way down there, and we don’t see our heels and the bottoms of our feet unless we make a conscious effort to do so.  So, unless they hurt for some reason, it’s a classic case of “out of sight, out of mind.”

Here’s the dilemma: other people can (and do) see your feet…much more than you might think!  And, while fashion and style preferences might be personal, good grooming is universal (or at least we hope so).

The other day, for instance, I was sitting at the little café next door, drinking tea and writing.  As I was thinking and mulling over some ideas, I casually glanced around the room taking in the scenery and the people enjoying their social time and lunch.  I noticed several women sitting at a table nearby.  All were neatly dressed, chatting and having a lovely time with their friends.

As my eyes drifted down, I could not help but notice a row of dried, cracked heels staring back at me.  Perhaps I am wrong but I suspect that if they were aware that their feet were in such a sad, neglected state that they would have run to their bathroom to grab their pumice stone or to the nearest salon for a pedicure.

Women (and men, too) who would never leave the house with dirty, unkempt fingernails are unwittingly (I assume) walking around with heels and sometimes toes that clearly need some attention.   (Please know that I am not talking about bunions or more complicated feet issues – unless those feet could also benefit from some simple basic grooming.)

And, I am not pointing this out to embarrass anyone.  It’s really more about awareness.  Like I said, it’s easy to overlook something that we can’t see.  Even if you take a shower or bath every day, it doesn’t mean your feet are getting as clean as you think.  We walk around in sandals open to the dirt of the streets so they get twice as dirty twice as fast!

So, if this makes you think, “Ooops, I better take a peek,” then here are 3 quick steps to get your feet looking and feeling good:

1. Every day when you take a shower or wash up in the morning, take a quick look at your feet.  It is easier to give them a little TLC once a day than to have to do a major intervention every week.
2. If they need some refreshing, give them a quick wash and then keep your pumice stone or Ped-Egg handy to give them a once-over.  It takes all of about 2 minutes tops if you have everything at the ready.
3. Rub a little moisturizer into them, and you’re good to go.

If doing anything more than that feels overwhelming and you just keep putting it off, then find a nearby salon (ask around to find one that you’ll enjoy going to and that takes sanitation very seriously) and once every couple of weeks have a soothing pedicure.  It’s good for your feet, is soothing and relaxing (so it’s good for your soul), and is one less thing you have to think about doing so you can get back to enjoying the summer.

That said, if you prefer to do your own pedicure, check out this site for step-by-step instructions: http://fitnesslines.com/health-tips/tips-for-a-home-perfect-pedicure-tips-to-help-you-achieve-salon-quality-results-without-the-expense/

Then, how about treating yourself to a new pair of sandals – aren’t these pretty: http://www.shoes.com/Shopping/ProductDetails.aspx?p=EC1072745&pg=5055049

Want more?  Join me for my new monthly seminar (only $20!).  Limited to 20 people.  The first one will be held on Tuesday, July 20 from 7:00 to 8:30 pm when I’ll talk about “The Top 10 Most Unflattering Summer Fashions: How to avoid them, replace them and live without them.” Location (in the Greater Boston area) is to be determined so stay tuned.