It’s spring.  Well, at least it is in the stores even if the weather is telling you something different.  A sea of bright colors greets you as you enter any clothing store, and this alone is enough to send some women into a tizzy.

A couple of days ago I was shopping with a client in a department store.  As we headed out into the racks of clothes she looked at me with a faint smile and said, “How do you know where to begin?  My eyes keep darting in a million different directions and I feel totally overwhelmed.”  I calmed her fears and assured her I would help her navigate the store.  I also know that so many women share the same feeling of anxiety when they go shopping for clothes, and since we are about to enter a new shopping season this topic is very timely.

That said, I am not going to address all the ins and outs of shopping successfully (you can read about that in my newly released book, That’s So You! where I devote an entire chapter to this topic.

But I do want to touch on three specific shopping habits that can keep you stuck and frustrated as you shop and even more discouraged when you get dressed every day.  Change these habits and you will change your wardrobe forever.

Here are three confessions I hear from women all the time.  Let’s look at them and see if they ring true for you.  If so, this is a great opportunity to release those old habits and start fresh:

1. “I have been shopping at __________ store(s) for the past 5/10/15 years.”  If you are shopping at the same places you did ten years ago and are no longer having any luck, the culprit is one of two things.  It could be that the store is now identifying with a different demographic–sometimes they have a new buyer who is taking them in a new direction.  If it is not the store then it must be you.  This is not a bad thing, it’s just life.  Like it or not, as the years pass, our bodies shift, our lifestyles evolve and there is no doubt that we get older each year.  It could also be that the store is still a good choice for you, but you don’t know how to switch your focus to find those more suitable options.  No matter what, it eventually requires a different way of looking at your wardrobe and it will affect your shopping experience.  There comes a point when if you keep shopping in the same places without getting the results you want, buying clothes will continue to be an exercise in futility and frustration.

We also tend to believe that we should be able to shop at xyz store because everyone else does or it used to be great or they talk about it in magazines or television.  What happens then is that you stop looking for new stores to explore, especially if shopping is not an experience you enjoy.  And, hey, can’t everyone shop at Marshalls, Macy’s or Talbots?  Not necessarily.  One of my clients told me that her husband thinks I’m wonderful because now they don’t have to stop at every Marshalls they pass.  She used to go in because she was searching for ways to complete her wardrobe and the lower cost appealed to her (and felt less scary if she made a mistake) and, as a result, she would often buy things because of the price rather than the value it contributed to her wardrobe.  Now that she has a wardrobe she loves she still shops occasionally at Marshalls, but she does it strategically and because it feels fun rather than out of desperation.

Just ask Wendy Yellen (www.EideticLifeCoach.com) about the value of finding a great store.  While working with the ‘Who Taught You How to Dress?’ coaching program (www.whotaughtyouhowtodress.com), she learned the value of venturing into a few smaller boutique stores in her local area.  In her exploration she was delighted to find one that fit her style exactly.  Who knew!  She shared with me that, “Because of your encouragement, I actually now have a ‘favorite store’ and, unbelievably, people regularly—and often—ask me where I shop and tell me how great I look. Even better, I FEEL great about how I look!”  This one step changed her life.

A common concern is that boutiques are too expensive, but, as Wendy discovered, if you make wise choices there is a good chance you won’t spend any more than you used to.  You might have fewer clothes, but you will wear everything rather than having a lot of unworn garments hanging in your closet.  As you get to know the women who work at the store there is a good chance they will make sure you are the first to know about upcoming sales.  And, this might surprise you, but not all boutiques carry expensive lines of clothing.  Some actually have a low-moderate price point and some have a wide range of prices so there’s something for every budget.  Finding a store(s) you love can be life changing for you, too.  You get a wardrobe you feel great wearing, nothing hangs in your closet unworn, and you spend much less time shopping because you know where to shop.

Let me also say that it does not have to be a boutique that is your new go-to store.  It can be a consignment shop, a department store, a designer store, a big box store or even a thrift store—or a combination of some of the above.  It is just a matter of doing a little research in the beginning to find the places (one to four stores) that make you happy.

2. “I never try things on.”  This is a huge admission.  I know that many women dislike shopping so much that they swoop into a store, grab a few things that look promising or familiar and head home.  Or, they order online almost exclusively because it means they do not have to go anywhere near a store.  Once home they eventually try things on and too often they find themselves either trying too hard to make something work when clearly it is not ideal or they disappointingly acknowledge that the item doesn’t work, but then, with their busy lives, they often forget to return it.  It also means that they are less likely to branch out and try something new because it might not look good and then it is one more thing they have to return.  When your goal is to stay out of the stores as much as possible, the idea of venturing in even to return something takes a backseat to almost anything else in your life.

The problem is that waiting until you get home to try things on does not allow you as much freedom to explore and entertain new possibilities so you are more likely to stay stuck wearing a version of the same thing all the time.

I know what you’re thinking, “I never find anything new that I like.  Everything is too young, too old or just plain ugly and so it’s a lot easier to stay with what feels safe and easy.”  The problem is that this often means that you don’t feel inspired or excited about your wardrobe either.  Not that you have to be a fashionista, by any means, but every woman deserves to feel great about how she looks.

When you think about shopping for clothes, I’m sure you can come up with about six million things you would rather do or that feel more pressing, but if you choose a store you enjoy and schedule enough time so you don’t feel rushed and can actually try clothes on while you are there, you might be surprised at what new possibilities open up.  Why not take a deep breath and make a commitment (and actually schedule it) to expand your shopping experience?  You just might find yourself sighing with relief!

3. “I buy pieces when I find them.”  This certainly sounds innocent enough, but this one behavior can wreak more havoc on your wardrobe—and psyche—than the other two combined.  If you have orphaned pieces sitting unworn in your closet then it is well worth taking a look at this shopping habit.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with buying a spectacular piece here or there and even better when you can get it on sale.  The problem arises when you get it home and realize that, although you love it and are excited about wearing it, you cannot—no matter how hard you try—make a complete outfit out of it.  I know. I know.  Your intentions are to find something that you like so you can wear it, but for right now, it’s a lonely piece sitting there teasing you and begging to be worn.

Here’s the thing… the time to think about whether you can make it into a complete outfit is before you buy it.  Before heading to the checkout counter, mentally rummage through your closet and think about what will work with it.  Be specific.  If you cannot think of at least two items you already own that can finish it, then leave it at the store or buy the rest of the outfit (provided you love it) right then and there.  Yes, I know this takes discipline and focus, but it is worth it.

Do this exercise before you purchase another orphaned item: Take a minute and add up all the money you have spent on things you do not wear because you couldn’t figure out how to make them work and then allow that to inspire you to adopt this new shopping habit.  It will never let you down.

And, if you need more guidance, check out my hot-off-the-press book, That’s So You! and take a look at the section entitled, “Unworn Clothing: Love It or Let It Go” (just one of many that will help you) for inspiration and support.

What is the No. 1 fashion rule that women embrace when they want to look slimmer? All together now: Wear black! This is a fashion mantra for many, and it results in closets that are seas of darkness. On the other hand, what is the top style women avoid if they don’t want to appear heavier than they are? I bet you can guess it—horizontal stripes.

Let’s explore whether there is truth to these two widespread beliefs and I will also share ten tips for how to dress to look slimmer and avoid the illusion of extra pounds. To allow you to digest all the information slowly, I will reveal the first five tips now and the next five in two weeks. Let’s get started:

1. Black is slimming. Yes, there is truth to this often-repeated style tip. Black is slimming because it does not reflect light, so we do not notice shadows that are created as the material flows over our curves. Please note that if the fabric is shiny, the benefits of wearing black are lessened because the light does reflect and create shadows. Then the overall effect is less forgiving. So, yes, black can be slimming, but when worn excessively, it can feel heavy, lackluster and overwhelming, especially on someone with light, delicate coloring. Another potential drawback for black is that it can create harsh shadows on your face thereby accentuating lines and wrinkles. This might not make you look heavier, but it will make you look older!

Luckily, there are other dark colors that can have a similar slimming effect without the barren quality that black can sometimes have. These colors might actually be more flattering with your natural coloring and will give you some relief from the endless parade of black in your closet. Mix it up a bit. For example, try aubergine, dark forest green, mahogany, midnight blue or a very deep maroon.

2. Good fit is essential to looking sleek and slim. When you wear your clothes too tight, you draw attention to every lump and bump, which makes you look like you are too big for the outfit you are wearing. Conversely, when your clothes are too big you get lost underneath all the fabric, and it is easy for others to assume that your body is as big as the clothes you are wearing. The best way to show off your figure in a flattering way is to wear clothes that skim your body. They don’t squeeze you, but they don’t overwhelm you either.

These cropped pants are a "do" -- Slim, lighter colored and the shoes have a low vamp to lengthen her legs.

3. Cropped pants make everyone look shorter and wider. Because the eye stops when the pant leg stops, cropped pants give the illusion that the wearer’s legs end there, too. If you are 5 feet 10 inches with long legs (compared to your torso), this is less of an issue for you than if you are 5’4” or less and have short legs. You can circumvent this a bit if your cropped pants are slim, which means they don’t add extra width at the hemline, and are a soft color that blends with, or is the same as, your skin. This creates a long continuous line, and if you also wear shoes to match, the line continues all the way to your toes. This look is more lengthening than wearing contrasting colors, but a full-length pant will always make your legs look longer and your body taller in comparison.

4. Beware of shoes that draw focus to your ankles. Ankle straps are often considered an alluring style, but they really don’t flatter everyone’s legs and ankles. As with cropped pants, they make your legs look shorter because the eye stops at the strap instead of continuing down along the top of your foot. You have heard me talk about how my legs are not my favorite feature, and part of that, aside from being knock-kneed, is because my ankles are not as slim I would like them to be. I avoid ankle straps because they draw attention to my ankles, in general, and the thin strap makes my ankles look larger in contrast. If somewhat heavier ankles are a concern for you, too, keep the top of your foot as open and clear as possible so as to allow someone’s gaze to flow easily past your ankles rather than lingering there. High vamp (the part of your shoe that covers the top of your foot) shoes add to the shortening and widening effect by encouraging the eye to stop where the shoe begins rather than continue on to the end of your foot. It does not mean you have to get rid of all your high vamp shoes. You can still wear them with jeans or long pants and the fact that they have a high vamp will not be an issue since the pant leg will cover the top of the shoe.

5. Stand up straight. How many times did we hear this from our mothers? While we might have whined or even ignored them, the truth is they had a point. When you stand up straight with your shoulders back and your chest held high, some of the lumps and bumps smooth. You also have a more charismatic and engaging presence when you stand tall instead of slouched, and the position is better for your body. When you don’t feel good about how you look, however, it is easy to understand why you want to hide. But hunching or slouching only adds to the problem by making your clothes look bunchy and forcing the garments to hang funny. So, regardless of whether looking slimmer is an objective of yours, Mom’s advice has merit. And, even if your wardrobe is not exactly where you want it to be yet, this is one tip you can put into practice now with instant results.

Take a look at what you are wearing today or think about what you have in your closet at home. Have you ever put an outfit on and thought that something didn’t look quite right but you couldn’t put your finger on what it was? The next time you are perplexed about why you feel you look like you’ve gained 10 pounds, refer to this list and see if it gives you any insight. Then stay tuned for the final five tips (coming up in two weeks) for how to dress to look instantly slimmer!

I had carefully planned my wardrobe for a recent trip to New York City where I was going to be spending an entire day shopping with a client. I’m not a light packer, and I don’t apologize for that. I always bring something extra just in case my mood changes, the weather doesn’t cooperate or I spill something. Thankfully, this trip was no exception but what happened made me more aware of the importance of giving your clothes a “dress” rehearsal.

I was leisurely getting ready in my hotel room on the morning of the shopping trip. I put on my brown pants and a jacket. My makeup was on, and I was fully accessorized. The only thing left to do was finishing packing and put on my shoes. And, then it struck me. The shoes I had brought did not have a high enough heel for the pants I planned to wear with the outfit. Sure enough, when I put my shoes on, the hem dragged on the ground – not a particularly elegant look and certainly not good for the pants.

I was so upset with myself. Thankfully, I was not completely stuck. I was able to wear the pants I had on the day before. They were the perfect color and the heel height was right. I just wasn’t as happy with the combination since the pants weren’t quite as elegant as the pair I had planned on wearing (although I’m probably the only one who noticed that). I took a breath, made peace with the outfit and vowed to rehearse my outfits more carefully the next time. It’s one thing to find that out in the privacy of your own home where changing is easier, but this was a new pair of pants, and I had not put it through the rehearsal process long enough to be sure what shoes would work best with them.

But, there’s a bigger lesson here. Fashion magazines are full of great ideas but it’s not until you translate those ideas directly to your body that you know whether it’s a hit or a miss. Something can look just perfect and inviting when you lay it out on the bed or see it hanging on the mannequin in the store, but it’s another thing to actually put it on your body and see how it all works in real life.

Recently, while doing a wardrobe consultation with Diane I mentioned my dress rehearsal concept. She told me that she does a “staging” with her clothes. She chooses her outfit ahead of time and then hangs it altogether on her closet door. She reviews it several times to see if she likes it before she decides to wear it. This certainly sets the stage for a fun outfit but, she agreed, it isn’t until she actually puts it on that she knows for sure whether it really works or not. My point exactly.

We are not one-size-fits-all or one-dimensional, and we do not have mannequin bodies. It’s easy to assume that the outfit will look just as good on us as it does laying the bed or on a mannequin, but it’s those assumptions that contribute to our frustration when they don’t. Your own private dress rehearsal will solve this problem.

Amy told me of a similar experience she had had. She found out she was to be the recipient of an award from her company, and it was to be presented to her at a special dinner. It’s no surprise that she wanted her outfit to be special. She found a dress she liked. It was sleeveless so she bought a pretty cardigan to go over it in exactly the right color. Her shoes, jewelry and handbag completed the outfit. She had been staring at the combination for 2 weeks with anticipation, and finally the day of the event arrived.

She got dressed and realized that not only did the sweater make the neckline bunch up funny but when she tried to walk more than 10 feet in her shoes her heels would slip, and she nearly fell out of them. They had been fine while she was standing looking in the mirror and moving ever so slightly but as soon as she walked any distance, yikes, she walked right of them. All she could think of was why hadn’t she done a full dress rehearsal before. What had she been thinking!

She ended up pinning the neckline to the sweater, and it turned out the room was warm so (phew!) she didn’t need the extra layer most of the time. She found some gel pads to stick in the front of her shoes so she could walk up on stage to receive her award. Unfortunately, the shoes made her feet hurt but at least she wasn’t leaving them 4 steps behind her when she walked. She had averted disaster and supreme frustration but her experience was not as fun and elegant as she had planned for it to be.

The moral of the story is that even if you’ve worn each piece separately before – even many times – it’s important to see if the new combination you’re considering really works. Your memory can do funny things, and it’s easy to forget that something was particularly clingy or only looked good with a skinny pant. The proposed outfit might look attractive hanging on the closet door lulling you into a false sense of security. Until you put it on. That’s the real test. Yes, you might feel like you have better things to do (a.k.a., things you’d rather do) than try your clothes on ahead of time. But, I promise that if you do this you’ll be so happy you did. No more last minute frantic clothing changes complete with cursing, tears and threats of not going anywhere. You’ll breath a sigh of relief as you get dressed with ease. And, if a practiced outfit doesn’t work during a dress rehearsal not only do you have a chance to tweak it with less stress.

A director would never go directly from selecting the cast and staging the space to opening night, and it’s not advisable to do that with your wardrobe either. A dress rehearsal is an invaluable step in your journey (whether it’s done in your home or at the store if you purchase everything at the same time) to creating a wardrobe you love with ease and joy. A few extra minutes of practice can save you frustration and anxiety as the curtain goes up, and the next day there will be glowing reviews all around!

Be honest. Do you look in your closet and think, “Wow…I really need clothes. I have nothing to wear!” You stand there in dismay trying to figure out what to do next and then, you hear it — the voices that bombard you with a list of excuses as to why you can’t or won’t get new clothes any time soon. So, you nod your head, shut the door and go about your day. Until the next day, when you repeat the same scenario.

Admit it. There’s a sense of relief when you hear the reasons why you can’t go shopping. You don’t really want to do it anyway and having what feels like a valid excuse lets you stop worrying about it…at least for the moment. Instead you resign yourself to the daily stress of getting dressed and the familiar sense of longing for clothes that make you happy. You figure that some day the timing will be right but not now.

It’s no wonder you don’t love shopping for clothes. You spend time you don’t have wandering around the stores that feel too big and leave with things you don’t love but that will suffice. After all that, you go home worn out. No feeling of excitement or anticipation of having new things to wear. You’re just glad it’s over.

Phew! It’s completely understandable why you wouldn’t want to repeat that experience anytime soon!

What’s your favorite excuse? Do you tell yourself you’ll shop when:

• You have more time
• You have more money
• The stores have better choices
• You lose weight

At the time reasons feel legitimate. The problem is that they are open-ended – you can go on forever like that. If you dislike shopping or you don’t feel like you deserve a good wardrobe, then there’s always something else that will come along to take up your time and money.

So, what’s the answer?

“You must become a priority on your to-do list. And somehow it has to become a more enticing and rewarding experience or it is easy to keep putting it off.

What’s behind each of these excuses? Fear.

• Fear that you’ll waste time and come home with nothing worthwhile to show for it.
• Fear that you’ll waste money on things you’ll never wear. (Often this piggy backs an overriding belief that you have to spend a lot of money in order to have a great wardrobe (you don’t!))
• Fear that you’ll discover they don’t make clothes anymore that look good on you.
• Fear that you’ll buy new clothes and then lose weight and have to buy more new clothes, or
• Fear that you’ll buy clothes for your current (undesirable) weight and then you’ll feel complacent and not lose the weight you want to lose.

It’s not surprising that you’d rather stay with what’s familiar even if it’s uncomfortable than take a step that stirs up a whole bunch of new feelings that support your deepest fears.

So, now what? How do you get out of your rut and make this a happy experience rather than one that makes you feel even worse than your current limiting wardrobe?

Let’s address some of your underlying fears and then identify steps you can take to move in the direction you want to. Your past experiences are valid which is why you are reading this and looking for guidance. You want to move forward. This also says that you are willing to make some changes and take a step even if it feels uncomfortable or a bit scary.

• Time: If you’d rather have a root canal than go clothes shopping you’ll never set aside the time to do it until you’re in pain, i.e., you don’t have anything left to wear or you need something for an event and you must shop. Shopping when you are desperate is never a good use of your time and can severely deplete your energy. Nine times out of ten it just reinforces the fear (sometimes all of them!) and makes you even more reticent to shop again before you have to, setting you up for a vicious cycle of shopping only when you’re desperate.
• Money: Let me dispel this fear right up front. Sure, it would be wonderful to have an unlimited clothing budget, but to be honest, very few women have that luxury. In fact, it’s important to know what your budget is (no matter how big or small) so you spend it wisely. Nor do you have to shop at the ritziest stores in order to have a great wardrobe. You can find great clothes at any price point. I have things in my closet that I’ve found at thrift stores, consignment stores, off-price stores, department stores and boutiques. You name it, I’ve found clothes there. If you know how to make good choices then you can shop anywhere (I know. I know. This is why you haven’t been shopping – because you don’t know how to make good choices — but we’ll get to that).

One thing I need to point out is that bargain shopping sometimes takes more time and energy because thrift stores, consignment stores and off-price stores are often more hit or miss, and you have to filter through more racks than department stores or a boutique that you know carry lines of clothing that work for you. But, when you know what you’re looking for it gets easier and quicker either to find things or leave empty handed but satisfied you didn’t buy something just to buy something.

• Better Choices: Wouldn’t it would feel so much easier if fashion would just stay the same for a while? Maybe, maybe not. The reality is that styles change, trends change, and your body changes…sometimes even your lifestyle changes, so your wardrobe is constantly evolving (whether you want it to or not!). There are always new choices to be made and understanding how to make them for your body, lifestyle and personality is key.
• Weight: This is by far the #1 reason women don’t shop when they need to. Whether your body has shifted due to having children, going through menopause, health-related issues, or just getting older, its easy to mourn the days when it used to feel easier to get dressed (if that ever was true for you – for some women it was never easy and they just get worn out as the years go by), or, you just feel frustrated by the fact that you have a closet full of clothes that fit you at a different weight, and you can’t wear any of them now.

Whatever your weight is, you deserve to feel good right now. If your weight has changed, it doesn’t mean you have to go spend tons of money or buy massive amounts of clothes at your current weight if you are expecting it to change again. But you do need to have clothes you feel good in now. Focus on basic colors and garments you can mix and match to leverage your purchases and then add accessories to bring in personality. This will serve you much better than berating yourself for gaining weight or putting pressure on yourself to lose the weight. Good self-care and kindness to yourself will ease the experience and help you achieve your goal with less angst.

All of your reasons for not shopping are valid, but the good news is that they don’t have to keep you stuck forever.

• Set aside some time. If you’re used to dashing in to Kohls 20 minutes before you have to pick the kids up at school, then you’re setting yourself up for stress and frustration. Schedule in at least 90 minutes to shop. Put it in your calendar or you’ll never do it. No matter what your schedule is you can find it somewhere if you really want to even if you schedule it a month out.
• Shop with a plan. Have a list of priorities with you. Maybe you need new jeans and a winter coat. Or, a dress for a special occasion and a fun clutch. Even if your wardrobe needs a total overhaul do not go in as a blank slate with an open-ended list. You’ll be overwhelmed in a matter of seconds.
• Always look for your best colors first. Scan the racks, see what colors (your most flattering colors, of course) call out to you and start there. It immediately limits the number of options you have and makes it easier and quicker to shop. If you’re looking for a dress, for instance, in your shades of green, teal or purple and all you see is gray and orange, then you’re done. On to the next item on your list or to the next store. Don’t try to make something work just because you’re there. That’s how wardrobes get out of control!
• Be willing to try on new styles. Sure, some garments will make you roll your eyes and wonder what genius designer thought “that” look was a good idea, but there are always new options hiding on the racks just waiting for you to try them on. And, do not leave the store without trying things on – unless you really will return everything that doesn’t work before their return policy expires (I’ve seen too many closets full of clothes with tags on them), and even then I don’t recommend it. You’re less likely to take something that’s new and different (and potentially won’t work) home than you would be to bring it into the dressing room and leave it behind if it’s not right.
• Be willing to use a tailor. So many women have said to me, I’m petite so I shouldn’t have to hem petite pants. My response…why not? A petite woman can be 4’11” or 5’4”. I’ve even shopped with women who are taller and have long torsos in comparison to their legs and petite pants fit them well. That’s a wide range and no way you can expect one length to cover everyone. And, that’s just pants. Other alterations often need to be done so allow for this cost when you buy something or else don’t buy it (and in that case you can expect your choices to be considerably limited). This is true for everyone, not just petite women. Find a great tailor and you open up a whole new world of options.
• Complete the outfit as much as possible in the dressing room. You’ve heard me say this before, and I’m happy to say it again and again. You can’t try on a pretty dress with clunky sneakers and socks on. Most likely (I know this is true for me), you’ll feel dumpy and you’ll dislike the dress immediately without giving it a fair assessment. In this case, if you’re shopping for a dress, bring a pair of shoes with you that you’d wear with it just so you can get an idea of what it would look like finished (at the very least, take off your socks!). If you are trying on a pair of skinny jeans (and women of all sizes and shapes can wear them so don’t think they are just for tall, thin women), you’ll want to have a jacket or sweater that covers your butt and maybe even a pair of tall boots to get the full effect. It’s too easy to dismiss something when you can’t see the final look.
• Ask for help. If the next several months pass and you still haven’t gone shopping, you might need a jumpstart. Many of my clients shop with me two or three times a year so they can get it done as efficiently and productively (and with as much fun) as possible. They know they don’t like to shop by themselves or it takes too long or they make too many mistakes so having support makes it all a thousand times easier and then they don’t have to think about it again until the next time we shop. There is no embarrassment in needing help. In fact, it’s a sign of strength and honoring yourself (believe me, I’ve done it in other areas of my life and am thankful I have). Not everyone loves the experience of shopping but everyone deserves the experience of looking great every day!

So, what are you waiting for? Please don’t just turn the page and say yeah, yeah, I’ll get to it soon. Make a commitment now. Get out your calendar and schedule a time to shop. Start making a list of what you need – just 1-3 things. Start visualizing the experience being fun and easy and stick to the date. Make that commitment to yourself and your personal self-care. Each step you take is one more step towards having a wardrobe you love. Do it now!

One night, as I was sitting in a hotel room in New York City I suddenly had a startling thought, “I think I forgot to renew my driver’s license!” I jumped off the bed and ran to my wallet and sure enough, it had expired 3 weeks earlier. It had totally slipped my mind! Of course, there wasn’t anything I could do at the time. It would have to wait until Monday, but being a law-abiding citizen and someone who prides herself on remembering details and dates, I was very upset and disconcerted. Now I had to go through an entire weekend with an expired license.

At first my mind went to the inconvenience and seemingly certain unpleasantness of it all. We all have stories to tell of long, endless lines at the Registry of Motor Vehicles and rude staff. Although I chose to think positively about it and was picturing a smooth resolution to this, you can imagine how I felt when I arrived at the registry 10 minutes before they opened only to find 100 (yes, 100!) people in line ahead of me. I had momentary visions of being there all day.

That was not to be the case. Dare I say it? The registry in Revere, Massachusetts is amazing. They are organized, efficient, and (yup!) friendly. They moved everyone along easily, didn’t yell at or penalize me for being late, and I was out of there in less than 40 minutes!

All of that aside, often one of the things we dread the most about renewing our license is having our picture taken. It’s not like you will have another opportunity in a few months to redo it if you don’t like it. You’re stuck with it for 5 years! So, five years ago and again last month I practiced my system for taking a pretty good picture for my license (for example, here’s my old picture).

Let me share a few tips for getting a license picture you like:

1. Prepare. Sure, you’re only going to the RMV to wait in line but you’ll be staring at the results of that experience for the next 5 years.

• Wear your best color and a flattering neckline (sometimes this will show and sometimes it won’t – as you can see from my two pictures)
• Wear great jewelry, especially earrings (a necklace will not always show in the picture but earrings will)
• If you wear makeup add a touch more since the flash will wash you out a bit.
• Make sure you spend a few extra minutes styling your hair. Sure, this might not be the photo you’ll put on your mantel or your website but it’s still a photo shoot of sorts.

2. Keep a positive attitude. Okay, so this seems a tad new agey for the simple task of taking a license picture but I’m a big believer that your final experience will take its cue from the energy of your expectations (I help women with this all the time when we go shopping!). Allow for the possibility that your new picture will be fabulous and you’ll have fun doing it (normally I wouldn’t say that about the RMV but my experience was good and you can have that, too!). If you’re feeling stressed it will show in your picture so enjoy it as much as you can.

3. Start smiling before you get in front of the camera. This is the most important one of all! They snap it pretty quickly so the minute they say – go stand over there, start smiling – with your eyes and your mouth.

4. Keep your neck elongated. I would recommend practicing this one in private first so it doesn’t seem so weird when you get there. This one might seem funny but if you tuck your chin back, it will give you double chins that will be noticeable in the picture. Instead (and this is good information for picture taking in general), if you bring your shoulders down and back and feel like your neck is nice and long (but don’t lift your chin unnaturally) you’ll see the difference. Another way of putting it is to feel like you are leaning in towards the camera. Okay, if this all feels too weird and contrived, skip it!

5. Wash, rinse and repeat. Ask to see the photo and if you don’t like it ask the attendant if s/he can take another one (they will). Sometimes just the thought that you can do it again helps you relax so the first picture comes out better. Or, it at least lets you get the bugs out for the second take.

Tada! My newest picture is the bottom picture at the right (trust me, if I went without following any of the tips above, this picture would look completely different):

As one client said, “The tips you gave me for having my driver’s license picture taken helped tremendously: start smiling as soon as you sit down (you’re right, they take that photo with very little notice), keep your neck elongated, and wear a great color. I’m going to print these out and save them for five years from now when I have to do it again!”

Of all the suggestions above, the most important is to smile! How many times have you seen someone’s driver’s license and they are grimacing or look super stressed out. An authentic smile goes a long way to softening everything and will help you smile the next time you pull out your license.

If all else fails you can ask them to keep your previous picture (if you like it) but you can only do this once every 9 years. I asked the woman if we could take the picture and if I didn’t like it could we keep the old one? She said, “Yes, but if you keep the old one you won’t be able to renew your license online in 5 years so I recommend taking a new one now.” Good advice! (If I had realized I could renew online I probably wouldn’t have forgotten in the first place!)

So, does this all seem over-the-top? Maybe. But what I like is that with a few minutes preparation I can have a picture I pretty much like for the next few years. If this seems silly, simply ignore it. I just like to share what I learn and hope it’s helpful to you, too!

Every time I poll groups of women to find out who likes to shop and who doesn’t, somewhere between one third and one half admit they hate it. If you add to that the number of women who like to shop but don’t have time to, the percentage soars to almost two-thirds! I have also found that love it or hate it many women are often frustrated by their shopping experience and rarely find shopping to be as efficient and productive as they’d like.

If any of this sounds familiar, check out these five common shopping mistakes to see if they ring a familiar bell. Print this out and take it with you on your next shopping trip. It can save you time, aggravation, and money! Cleaning up your shopping act can make all the difference in the world. Try it for yourself and see.

1. Avoid Shopping “Daze” — If you love to shop (and have the time!) then skip to #2 since this will not be an issue for you at all. This is mostly a concern for women whose eyes glaze over when they walk into a clothing store (as mine do in Home Depot!). Solution: Go with a list – a short list and stick to it so you can focus only on what you came into the store for. Sounds simple, but, as you know, it is easy to get distracted so write it down!

2. Play Dress Up…Adult Style — If I had a nickel for every time a woman told me that she can only find a dressy dress when she doesn’t need one, but when she goes shopping specifically for a dress (too often at the last minute!), it becomes an elusive purchase, I could retire (not that I want to, of course)! When it comes to dressy clothes (especially if you do not have any) buy something when you see it. It takes much longer for them to go out of style, and you’ll be thrilled the next time you are invited to an event and actually have something delicious to wear. As a bonus, the universe has been known to reward you with fun invitations just because you have a beautiful outfit ready and waiting. An example is the ruched empire dress pictured at the right.

(Click here for shopping information).

3. Put an End to Your Shopping S.O.S. (Same Old Stuff) — I have seen things that look downright hideous on the hanger look spectacular on a body and things that you’d think would be a sure thing on the hanger look dreadful when you try it on. Go figure! (This is especially true this season when the 80’s styles are back in full force! The dolman (a.k.a., batwing) sleeve is a perfect example. It’s everywhere and will look great on some of you and awful on others (especially those of you who are large chested or bigger on top than on bottom) AND it almost always looks terrible on the hanger.) If it calls to you and intrigues you, try it on! You can always (and must!) put it back on the rack if it doesn’t work, and you have spent nothing other than a couple of minutes of your time. If it does work, you will have something exciting and new to spice up your wardrobe. An example of a dolman sleeve is the knit top pictured at the right.

(Click here for shopping information).

4. Once More With Feeling — Have you ever gone shopping and left with bags of clothes but also with a nagging sense that something is missing…say, excitement/delight/joy over your new purchases? In this case, turn right around and return it all! You must love everything you buy and wear – no excuses, no arguments!

5. No If’s, And’s, or But(t)’s

It’s so easy to try to talk ourselves into or out of something but often our rationalizations will cause more aggravation, discouragement or frustration than anything else. So, if one of these sounds familiar, stop and take notice…

• “If I just lose 5 pounds/do more ab and butt exercises/hold my breath it will fit perfectly!”
• “If I just wear a little more blush and a different lipstick this beige blouse won’t make me look so washed out.”
• “But it’s so cute/such a good price/feels so comfy – I’m sure I can find something to wear with it.”

No, no, and no! Buy it and wear it only if it is wearable now.

Will every shopping trip be a raving success? Well, it depends on how you measure success. Sure, it would be great if each time you shopped you found exactly what you were looking for easily and could wear it the next day. But, that’s not always the case. Sometimes what you are looking for isn’t in that store at that particular time. Never buy something just to buy it (refer back to #4). At best it’s a hollow victory. Sure, you’ll have more clothes to add to your wardrobe but if they aren’t things you love wearing then what’s the point?

Keep these solutions handy so that every time you are tempted to stray you can refer back for moral support and guidance (writing them down is even better so they will be handy the next time you shop). Your wardrobe, psyche, and wallet will thank you.

Does one of these resonate with you? Has it kept you stuck? If more than one strikes a familiar chord, just choose one to focus on so you don’t get overwhelmed. I’d love to hear your successes, questions, and aha moments if you’d like to share them.

Have you ever walked around a store looking for something specific and thought, yikes, there’s nothing here I want to buy? You’ve checked every department and all the sales racks (more than once) and still nothing! You could go to another store but you’re running late for a meeting or to pick up the kids, and you’re feeling discouraged and tired anyway.

We’ve all been there, done that so don’t be too upset with yourself. The important thing is to learn from it and regroup.

The very first thing you’ll want to consider is if this has been a recurrent theme in your shopping history. If so, perhaps it is time to evaluate how little this supports you in creating a wardrobe you love (not to mention the drain on your self-esteem and psyche). Here are some suggestions to help you redirect your energy on those days when you’re having a frustrating shopping experience.

Do you need to:

1. Shop with more lead time. Be honest. Are your shopping expeditions generally initiated out of pure desperation (you have an event to go to tomorrow and you’ve been putting off looking for something to wear because you knew it would be an unpleasant and unrewarding experience, or your only pair of work shoes just bit the dust (you kept meaning to buy another pair but never got around to it and now you have nothing to wear for a special meeting)? Don’t berate yourself. Just chalk it up to experience, and do what you need to do to get through the situation. Most importantly, let this serve as a wake-up call (albeit a somewhat expensive one (both in terms of the money you spent on something you don’t love and your precious time you wasted) not to let it happen again. Keep reading…it will help.

2. Cut your losses. Don’t buy something you don’t love. Leave the store once you’ve determined you can’t find anything. Never settle for less. Desperation aside, you don’t want to fill your wardrobe with things that are okay, decent, functional or good enough. Nope. Never. You are better off wearing what you already have in your wardrobe that serves the purpose (even minimally) than buying something to add to the ‘never wear’ pile.

3. Take a break. If your shopping experience is heading downhill fast, take a few minutes and go have a cup of tea or lunch. If you don’t have time, then call it a day and plan to shop again tomorrow or the next day. You can’t buy something you love when you’re expecting only to find things you don’t love. Remember that during peak times in the shopping season, the stores are bringing new things onto the sales floor daily so you might see something new the next time you venture in. And, this might sound woo-woo but once you feel refreshed and venture into the store with a renewed attitude of hopefulness, you are more likely to see something that was there all along, but when you are frustrated and rushed your eye naturally settles on things that don’t appeal to you (just to fuel your frustration). Now that you’re refreshed and have a brighter attitude you are open to inviting in new fun possibilities.

4. Find a new store(s) to replace where you’re shopping now or as a back-up when your usual stores are not giving you what you want. It’s so easy to get stuck in a rut. Perhaps your favorite store is your favorite because 5 years ago you were able to outfit yourself perfectly there every time you went in. Now, either because your body has changed, your lifestyle has changed or they have a new buyer and the store is focusing on a different clientele, you come out empty handed more often than not and even when you do buy something you end up returning it. If this sounds familiar, it’s time to shop somewhere else! If you are used to shopping at Target try Kohls or JC Penney? Has Macy’s or Saks always been your go-to store? Then how about Lord & Taylor or Bloomingdale’s. Are you a tried and true Marshall’s fan? Then take a trip to Nordstrom Rack or Loehmann’s?

5. Revisit what you are looking for. Is it realistic? One of my dearest clients LOVED the jewelry of the 1980’s — big earrings that sat high on her ear and made a huge fashion statement. Right after the 1980’s, jewelry trends made an about face, and everything was eensy-weensy. It made finding her favorite earrings virtually impossible. She had to make a choice – keep looking for something that didn’t exist or try something new. A similar scenario is true right now: jackets/interesting blazers are lost in space! To a large extent we are stuck with jackets that are weird 80’s replicas (not even the best of the 80’s!), blazers that are part of a classic suit or else your choices are interesting styles but only in black or gray. Want a fun jacket? You’ll have to think outside the box (at least until the designers wise up!).

Be more open to options you haven’t considered before. For example:

• Find a great consignment store. Consignment shops are popping up all over the place, and they can be a great place to find different items for less than retail or styles that are classic enough to withstand the test of time (while still appealing to your esthetic sense, of course (you never want to buy something simply because it’s classic)).

• Spend a tad more money. If you spent $50 more for something but wore it 10 times as much as the lesser-priced item you don’t like as well, would it be worth the extra cost? (I recommend that the answer be yes since getting value from your wardrobe is all about price per wear. And, the more items you buy that you love the less you’ll need to buy to feel satisfied with your wardrobe.) I’m not saying you can’t find great items for less. I’m just suggesting that you allow for both possibilities.

• Use a tailor when off-the-rack clothes aren’t perfect. Unless you are a perfect fit model size for your favorite designer or you love to shop so much (and have the free time to spend shopping) that you don’t mind waiting until you find something off the rack that fits perfectly, you need a tailor. For most of us, something almost always needs to be tweaked (at least 60+% of my wardrobe needs to go to the tailor before I can wear it).

6. Don’t give up. If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again. Use the information above to reframe how you approach your wardrobe-building strategy. Everyone can have a wardrobe she adores but not if you let overwhelm, desperation and discouragement lead the way.

What did you learn? Rather than write off an unfruitful shopping trip entirely, figure out what your take-aways are. Maybe you learned that you need to:

____ find a great tailor.

____ wear comfortable shoes the next time you shop so you’re not focused on the pain in your feet rather than the clothes you want to buy.

____ shop with a list and go to another store sooner if you’re not finding what you want.

____ plan ahead so you’re not scrambling at the last second. Perhaps having a couple of dressy outfits you love already in your closet just waiting for those special occasions will take the pressure off.

____ shop with a buddy (someone you trust and who won’t press her agenda on you) or a professional.

____ shop in the _______ (time of day) when you feel the most energized.

____ clean out your closet before you shop so you really know what you need instead of wondering if you already have 3 exactly the same at home.

____ other ______________________________________________________

Take the next step and commit to one of the things you checked above. See what happens when you approach your wardrobe building experience from a new vantage point. Doing just one thing differently can have major impact and inspire you in ways you can’t imagine right now. How could it hurt? If you keep doing what you’re doing you’ll keep getting the same results and chances are (if you are reading this article) you aren’t happy with what you’ve been getting. This is your chance to take a step in a new direction that can have powerful results. Try it and see!

When I travel one of my pet peeves is hotel bathroom mirrors! There is absolutely no doubt in my mind that these were designed by men who never have to apply makeup and never look in the mirror.

Invariably, I try getting super close up or several feet back to see if I can get the overhead lighting to be a bit more forgiving. I inevitably give up and go to the mirror over the desk in the bedroom or grab a hand mirror (if it’s daytime) and go to the window.

What’s up with that?

It should not be nearly so complicated to apply a little makeup! I hate leaving the room wondering if I look scary or not!

And, it’s not just makeup that can be affected. If you’ve ever tried matching colors in a dark room or if you’ve ever left the house wearing one navy and one black sock or shoe then you know what I mean. With inadequate lighting colors aren’t always what they seem and often you don’t realize it until it’s too late to do anything about it.

Unfortunately, so many women settle for the equivalent of hotel bathroom mirrors every day when they get dressed and put on their makeup. If you’ve been putting on your makeup in the dark you’ll be surprised by the difference when you have better light and can actually see what you are doing. You’ll apply your makeup faster and seemingly effortlessly compared to squinting and doing various facial acrobatics just to put on your makeup!

Here are a few tips to keep you from looking like you got dressed in the dark:

Use natural light whenever possible. The absolute best lighting for getting dressed or putting on your makeup is natural light. It allows you to see everything absolutely clearly. No more wondering if your blush is blended well or the powder under your eyes is accentuating any lines. You’ll know for sure. It can seem a bit unforgiving at first but if you like the way you look in natural light you’ll love it everywhere else.

Unfortunately, it is not always feasible or convenient to use natural light since not all bathrooms have access to a window and many closets (and even bedrooms) are very dark. Not to mention that on a cloudy day natural light is pretty much unavailable. Whenever you do have access to natural light, use it — even if it means taking a hand mirror over to the window to check your makeup and outfit before leaving the house. Hint: When evaluating your makeup or clothing in a hand mirror in front of a window, always face the window. You’ll get a splash of natural light on your face and can see everything clearly.

Banish overhead lighting. Because it is over your head it casts shadows giving you dark circles and basically make it nearly impossible to see what you are doing – at least with any degree of confidence. It lights the room but it doesn’t allow you to see your face clearly and without that ability you feel frustrated – or just tired after seeing all those light-enhanced dark circles. It’s easy then to overcompensate by applying more under eye concealer than you actually need.

You don’t have to tear out all the existing lighting in your bathroom (although that would certainly be ideal) and start over. Nope, you can keep what’s there but just do your makeup elsewhere. Instead, invest in a lighted makeup mirror and set it on your bedroom dresser or vanity in your bathroom – wherever it’s convenient. They generally have a “daylight” setting and that will give clean, clear, even light for applying your makeup. (Just be sure you don’t position it directly under an overhead light or next to a table lamp or as these can adversely affect the light from the makeup mirror.)

Change your lightbulbs. Even if your bathroom vanity mirror is lit from the side, you’ll want to check on what type of lightbulbs you are using. Most incandescent bulbs cast a yellow glow which is also not helpful in evaluating color and let’s not even talk about most fluorescent bulbs which make us all look slightly green. Can it really affect what you see that much? Let me share an experience I had that drove this point home.

One day many years ago I stopped at the cosmetic counter to buy some nail polish. I wanted a coral color and found just what I wanted pretty quickly. I couldn’t wait to get home to wear it. As I stepped out of the store into daylight I took the polish out of the bag to look at it again. Imagine my shock and disappointment when the color turned out to be bright cotton candy pink not coral as I had thought? I immediately returned the nail polish but this was a real eye opening experience for me. Indoor lights can fool your eye and most store lighting adds a touch of yellow or green to everything in there.

Whether we are talking about applying makeup in your bathroom or getting dressed in your bathroom or walk-in closet, the best option is full-spectrum or halogen lighting which directly mimics natural light.

Of course, we can only control the lighting in our own home not what we find in stores or dressing rooms. It always amazes me that most stores do not pay more attention to how a dressing room is lit. Do we really want to see every inch of cellulite or look overly tired because of the shadows the overhead lights cast? It can be disturbing and discouraging, and I know it results in lost sales from time to time. Or, have you ever danced around the store trying to find a corner where the overhead spotlights don’t cast funny shadows or where it isn’t so dark you can’t see the detail in a fabric? I do it all the time and always wonder why the stores aren’t more aware of this problem.

The solution is whenever possible take it over to natural light to evaluate the color, inspect the fabric, determine how well it matches what you want to pair with it, etc. If the store doesn’t have any natural light or it’s a cloudy day, do the best you can to decide if you like it and consider taking it home to try it on in better light. Of course, you will only want to do this if they have an adequate return policy.

All lighting is not created equal and poor lighting can definitely distort how you see things. Make your life easier and your morning routine more pleasant by adjusting the lighting in your home wherever possible. And, when it comes to shopping be aware that the lighting is not always optimal and give yourself a break when you stand in front of the mirror or are having a hard time seeing a garment clearly. It will be less of a shock when you get a garment home and find out it’s really eggplant and not brown. Blame it on the lighting and return it if it isn’t what you want.

What’s standing (or should I say hanging) between you and a great wardrobe? Believe it or not, it’s not lack of time, a limited budget or the fact that you would rather have a root canal than go shopping. Rather, it’s…drumroll please…all those lonely, neglected, despised or forgotten garments that have taken up permanent residence in your closet.

You may remember from “10 Reasons You Have Too Many Clothes,” why many women suffer from an overstuffed closet. The question now is what can you do about it? How do you know when to keep something or let it go? One thing is for sure: If you cannot clearly evaluate and honestly understand why a garment doesn’t work for you, you’ll keep hanging on to it hoping that someday you’ll find a reason or need to wear it. But (and this is really important), you will not miss it if you feel absolutely clear about why it won’t ever work for you. Not to mention that this gives you super valuable information for your next shopping trip.

So many women say to me, “But, it’s in good condition. I barely wore it.” Or, “I paid a lot of money for it so I have to find a way to wear it.” They are convinced that those are reasons enough to keep it. They are not. Everyone has a different idea of what is too much or too little, and how much you paid for something does not influence whether it looks good on your or not. Of course, the more you understand about what works in your wardrobe, the less likely you will be to waste money (of any amount) on things you don’t wear. The ultimate goal, with every garment, is to wear it so much that the price per wear becomes negligible…no matter what the original cost.

If you spent a lot of money on something that doesn’t suit you, now is the time to cut your losses, learn from the experience and allow something fabulous to come into your closet that you do wear a lot (and, let’s not forget this part…that you enjoy wearing). Once you understand why it doesn’t work the chance of you repeating that kind of expensive mistake again drops dramatically.

I totally understand that your closet might not change without some serious intervention, so let’s get started!

Let me say, first of all, that if your closet is overflowing with unworn clothes, you’ll want to take this one baby step at a time or you won’t do it. You know that’s true because you haven’t done it yet, right? The job feels daunting, not even a little bit fun and just downright overwhelming. On most days, you try to get in and out of your closet as quickly as possible as possible so you don’t have to acknowledge the situation. But, with this newfound information, you’ll see the results right away.

I’m going to walk you through the steps to empower you to move an item out with grace and ease when it’s clear it is no longer serving you. Ready, set, go!

1. Take one item that you’re not wearing out of your closet, put the item on (yes, put it on!) and ask yourself these questions:

• Does the color look great (not okay, decent or good enough, but great!) on you?
• Does it fit you right now?
• Is it in good condition or are you willing to do any necessary repairs (this includes de-wrinkling, a.k.a., ironing!)?
• Does it have fond memories or at least no disturbing memories attached to it? (Please note that fond memories alone are not enough reason to keep it (at least not in your every day closet). If it has fond memories and it’s a great color, fits you, etc. then keep going. Otherwise, move it to another closet and admire it and enjoy the memories there.)
• Does it work with your current lifestyle needs? So many times I’ve seen women keep clothes from their corporate days many years after they’ve needed them…just in case. If it has been more than a year, move them out.
• Is it comfortable? If not, and the cause of discomfort cannot be remedied, it goes away.
• Do you love it? This actually should be the first question but there’s a lot to consider here so keep reading.

That was step number 1. If you can say a resounding (not pitiful whimper) yes to ALL of these questions, you may move to round 2. If you said no to any of them, it goes in the go away pile (and we’ll talk about that more in a minute).

For all of you who just did that exercise without putting the garment on and chose to put the item back in your closet even though you haven’t worn it in eons (you know who you are!), take it out and ask yourself this:

• Can you make a complete outfit with it? If not, ask yourself these questions:
• How long have you had it? (If it’s more than 2 years since you’ve worn it, it automatically goes in the “go away” pile.)
• Did it used to have another piece that went with it? This happens often. You buy a pretty print skirt, for example, and the top to go with it and then the top gets a hole or a stain and you have to discard it. This leaves you with half of an old outfit and no way to complete it. Chances are 10 to 1 you never will. (Again, if you’ve had it for more than 2 years, it automatically goes in the “go away” pile.)
• If you are still reluctant to let it go, you absolutely must put it on. Believe me, your mind can play funny tricks on you and if it has fond memories associated with the garment you’ll feel compelled to keep it…until you see it on. At least 85% of the time, it turns out the garment is not as fabulous as you remember (and that’s not to say it wasn’t fabulous at some point but it had its day and this isn’t it). Perhaps it fits your body differently (or maybe not at all). It might feel “old” – like it came from a different era. And, often times you discover it has a stain, a tear or some defect that makes it less likely that you can still wear it. This is all invaluable information that you often won’t get without having the garment on your body.

Why go through all of this? Because it’s a thousand times easier to give something to charity, take it to a consignment shop or discard it if you know it will never work for you. There’s a freedom that comes with that awareness and once your closet is cleared of all the unworn and unwearable clothes, your mind and heart will feel lighter.

If you put something in the go away pile and you’re experiencing heart palpitations worrying that you’ll miss it, relax. There is an interim step that will give you some ease. Simply pack the items away in an empty closet or plastic bins in the attic. Most importantly, get them out of your every day closet. That way, if you decide you miss it you know exactly where it is. I can easily predict that 99-100% of the time you won’t miss something for even one second.

As you can see from all of this, if things just sit in your closet, you need to find out why before you take the next step to create a wardrobe you love. If after asking yourself all these questions you are still unsure about some pieces then it is time to get some objective, preferably expert, assistance. Sometimes you are just too close to the situation to be objective yourself or you just need some expert validation that you are making the right decision for the right reasons, and with a little support and guidance it all becomes crystal clear.

So, keep going. You’ll gain momentum the more you are able to understand what’s working and what’s not. In fact, make this a regular exercise so you don’t end up every year or two with a closet full of unworn clothes. Assess your situation on a regular basis and you’ll be getting dressed with joy and ease every day. Ahhh, can you just feel the relief!

I bet you think I’m going to talk about your hair, don’t you? So many women are contemplating letting their locks go naturally gray and some are even doing it (and looking great!). I’m all for it if you feel good about it. But, that’s not what I’m here to talk to you about today.

One day, not too long ago, I was standing in line in New York City waiting to place my lunch order. With not much to do except look around (and gawk at the sheer number of people waiting to order and the efficiency with which the restaurant was handling the crowds), I did a little people-watching.

It will come as no surprise to you, I am sure, that I am always curious about what people are wearing. On this particular day, there had to be at least 30 people in line and about two-thirds of them were women. It shocked me to notice that every person (men and women) was wearing either gray or black. Yes, every single person! Not one person was wearing another color. Not one!

Well, that’s New York City for you, you might say. Maybe, but let me assure you that sadly the black/gray epidemic has spread beyond the Big Apple. When I gave a presentation to 140 young business women in the Boston area, ninety-eight percent of those in the audience were wearing black or gray (perhaps there was a smattering of navy blue but you get the idea). It was startlingly noticeable.

So, here’s what I’m wondering…Why?

Of course, I hear all the reasons from the women I work with but let’s really look at what gray and black are doing for you…or not doing for you, as the case may be. Let’s start with black because there is so much of it out there and everyone assumes it’s a great neutral.

1. Black goes with everything.

This is generally true if black looks good on you and you are wearing all your best colors with it (which are probably pretty strong colors). But, if your most flattering colors are soft and you try to mix them with black all eyes will be drawn automatically to the black because it will be too harsh compared to the colors that look best on you.

And, let me just say this about black. If it isn’t one of your best colors (and your best colors are based on your hair color, eye color, skin color and your personality) wearing black will naturally drain you, and I’m not just talking about color-wise. Black is very powerful and intense, and it will, if it’s not your best color, stifle your natural joy and radiance.

2. Black doesn’t show dirt.

True enough but there are lots of other beautiful dark colors that will do the same thing. So find the one(s) that look great on you, and they will hide a multitude of sins just as well as black does and often look more flattering.

3. Black is slimming.

Again, who cares if it’s slimming if the overall color is harsh and draining. Other deeper colors will do the same thing. And, guess what, even shades of white will work on you when the outfit is well balanced and in your most flattering colors. (I know the thought of wearing shades of white scares a lot of women so just keep breathing…). Creating a slimming effect is not just about color, by any means.

4. Black is a neutral.

For some it is. But for others it’s not. While some stylists believe that a neutral is a neutral, I don’t. I know that everyone has two or three great neutrals they can wear that work beautifully with their natural coloring and blend well with their best colors. They could include brown, navy, gray, black, camel, cream, and white. This creates a seamless look and gives you lots of ways to play with it without worrying about trying to make a color “work.” Who needs or wants that extra stress?

5. Black is easy.

While there is truth to this it’s mostly because the designers throw so much black (and gray) at us that you can build an entire wardrobe all in black in about 20 minutes. Will it be easy? Yes. Will it be satisfying and delicious? Usually not. As you begin to integrate more of your fabulous colors into your wardrobe, an all black outfit (unless black is really one of your absolute best colors) will lose its appeal.

In many women’s closets black is there for all the reasons above, and it’s no wonder that when they get dressed, they easily find an outfit that is “good enough” or “easy” but that feels lacking in personality. Why end up with an entire wardrobe of “good enough” when you can have (and deserve) so much more?

Now let’s look at gray for a minute, too.

For a couple of years now, gray has been the “new black,” and as a result many women have entire wardrobes created around this color. It felt refreshing to them after so much black, but they were hoodwinked into believing that everyone can wear it well and were told that’s because “it’s a neutral.” Yikes! Light gray only looks good on a tiny fraction of people but huge numbers of women are actually wearing it. Charcoal gray is slightly better but then it just comes close to black. Like any color, if it looks good on you then it’s amazing and that makes it a great neutral, otherwise leave it on the rack. (And, if you’re not sure, steer clear!)

I often hear women say, “But gray looks decent on me.” Be careful of this. In most situations, ‘decent’ is synonymous with “good enough,” and that is a far cry from awesome. There was so much gray in the stores that it made buying it easy but, again, this is not a way to build a lasting and delicious wardrobe. As Cheryl Richardson says, always pass up good for great!

It is never worth it to settle for colors you don’t love and that don’t look beautiful on you. Ninety-nine percent of the time you can find at least some of your best colors in the stores (or wait 2 weeks and new shipments of clothes come in in new colors and you can look again). Do this long enough (even in those seasons when the color choices are challenging), and you’ll have a complete (and beautiful) wardrobe. The more you hold firm and select only the colors that look great on you, the better chance you will have of creating a wardrobe you absolutely love. Give in too often and you end up with a ‘decent’ wardrobe – that doesn’t sound particularly inspiring or fun, does it!

This is one of the key steps in creating a beautiful wardrobe, and there’s very little “gray” area here.

Not sure what colors look best on you? Find a color expert (not someone who does colors by the seasons) and have your own personal palette created. It will be one of the best steps you’ve ever taken toward a fabulous wardrobe. For more information about what a consultation with me looks like, go here: http://totalimageconsultants.com/services/personal/color-analysis/