The other day I was emptying the trash in my office and I looked at my trash basket. I mean really looked at it. It was then that I realized I’ve had that same trash basket for thirty years. You heard me right … the same exact basket for thirty years!

Even after all that time there’s nothing particularly wrong with it except that it is a basket so you have to wiggle things out of it sometimes, but mostly it works. It holds just the right amount of trash and is still in good shape. To be honest, it has never occurred to me to replace it — even when I had a whole new office desk system installed a few years ago. I simply placed the same basket in a convenient spot and went about my business.

I bet you are wondering why I am telling you about my trash, right? It’s because this new awareness got me thinking about what else I may be holding onto out of habit and familiarity (rather than for love and beauty) for years or even decades? I began to wonder how that is serving me … or not.

As you can imagine, I am pretty good at evaluating my wardrobe each season and I regularly let go of clothing and accessories that no longer make me happy, don’t fit or are worn out. Since my new awareness, however, I have honed in on a few items that I have had for, ahem, ten+ years. Two jackets immediately came to mind. One is a brown jacket by my favorite designer, Joseph Ribkoff, and the other is a green jacket from JC Penney that seems to be indestructible. Both are in great condition although I realized I have not been wearing them as much lately. So, in the spirit of understanding this phenomenon (both for my own benefit and my clients’ support) I started asking myself a few questions:

• Are they still in style — or at least not out of style (e.g., remember the 1980′s when pleated, tapered pants were in? They are no where to be found now (thankfully!)) — Yes.

• Do they still fit?  Yes.

• Where will I wear them? (Sometimes, our lifestyle changes and we no longer have the need for certain garments or outfits.) The brown jacket I wear working and the green one has become more casual.

• Can I make a complete outfit with them? (Have you ever had the experience that you retire one part of a full outfit and then can never seem to find anything else that works as well?) Yes.

• Do I love wearing them? (This is the clincher!)  Hmmm… think I’m just tired of them.

After the trash basket incident and the awareness that I keep some of clothes for a very long time, I began to gaze around my home with a new mindfulness. It didn’t take long to realize that I am a creature of habit. I sometimes keep things simply because they are familiar. While I don’t do this as much with my clothes because I have learned to assess and reassess what really makes me happy, both when I get dressed each morning AND when I shop, when it comes to items around the house, it’s a different story.

What is the Belief Behind Being a Creature of Habit?

I realized there are two things going on here. One is my reluctance to get rid of anything unless it’s falling apart. I tend to live by the old protestant ethic of my upbringing that says ‘waste not, want not’ and if it’s still in good condition I feel I should keep it. I admit that this is a good and wise choice for the environment — I am certainly not into “fast” consumerism — the idea of buying something just to use once or twice and then discarding it holds very little appeal (on many levels) for me. I like to procure things I enjoy and keep them for a long time. I also am now realizing that I do not have to make apologies for passing something along that I have used well and I can do this before it is in total tatters.

The other thing is that I still have (on some level) the belief that I should save my best things for special occasions. While I have definitely learned not to do this with my clothes and I talk about this more in That’s So You! in the section entitled, “What Are You Waiting For?”, I have not yet applied this to everything in my life.

The truth is that as a creature of habit, it is hard for me to see new possibilities when I am tied up in old, automatic habits. In fact, as a result of writing this I had a realization about my every day silverware. I’ve had it for well over 15 years. Do I love it? No. It’s fine (I’m not even sure I loved it when I bought it). It works. It’s in good condition, but I certainly don’t love it. Then I remembered that I have this beautiful silverware that I purchased in St. Augustine Florida at an antique store many years ago that sits in a beautiful box in the pantry waiting for company. Oh, dear. We rarely have company for dinner and even then I often forget to use it. So, it is sitting there in its precious box unused and under-appreciated. I have been such a creature of habit that every day I reach into the kitchen silverware drawer, pull out a fork or spoon and eat. While I’m very particular about the plate I use and always choose that with great intention, it has not occurred to me to question my silverware … until now.

Why am I sharing all of this with you?

• Because it was a completely new awareness for me and now I can’t stop evaluating everything in my house. I have been totally committed to only keeping and wearing clothes that I love and enjoy wearing, so the realization that this habit had not extended to the rest of my possessions, felt profound. Just as I move things out of my wardrobe from time to time and consign or donate them when they no longer serve me, I can do the same with everyday items in my home. Who knew!

• If I am having this new awakening with household items then I suspect that there are many women out there who are doing the same thing with their wardrobes: wearing things out of habit rather than because they love the garment and feel beautiful wearing it. As a result, they are oftentimes either overwhelmed with too many clothes (as they add new things without purging older items first), or, they are settling for wearing things that are “good enough” because the clothes are still “wearable” and fit even if they no longer make their heart sing.

It also makes me even more committed to purchasing things only if I love them. No more settling for “good enough” (you can read more about this in That’s So You! as well in the section on “Are You Settling for Good Enough?”). If I am going to keep something for a long time (which I don’t see that habit changing anytime soon) then I want to be fully aware of my appreciation for the item and use it with joyful intention rather than just out of habit.

While there is comfort in habit, it is also easy to fall into a fog of complacency or to do things on automatic pilot. The good news is that we can change all of that. Every night before I fall asleep I spend a few minutes feeling appreciation for people, things and experiences throughout my day. As of now, I have added a new component: I will find one thing to appreciate that is new each day — something seemingly mundane, something I take for granted. As I do this, it will create a new awareness of where I am settling for things that don’t make me happy. Believe me, as I unpack my new/old silverware I will be appreciating that for a long time!

So, where are you a “creature of habit?” And, where is that not serving you?  Have you had any new awarenesses?  If so, please feel free to leave a comment!

The other day I was looking through my closet thinking about what I would keep and what I would get rid of as the change of season approaches. Of course, here in New England, we never know what kind of winter we will have and so sometimes I don’t get to wear something as much as I thought I would because the weather was either colder, warmer, snowier or icier than usual.

As I reviewed my wardrobe one piece stood out to me: a brown casual, safari-style jacket that I have had for many years. It’s still in good shape, but I found myself putting it on and taking it off a couple times too many this winter. So, I stopped to analyze it since I don’t like things taking up space in my closet that don’t make me happy. And, like most of us, I am reluctant to let something go until I know why I won’t wear it anymore.

One look in the mirror gave me my answer. The color is just muted enough that it no longer works with my hair, which is slightly more bright and intense red than it used to be. While the style is useful, I don’t feel great in it now, and, although it is useful, that alone is never a reason to keep something. So, it is going away.

As the seasons converge, it is the perfect time to reevaluate items from both seasons. As you review your winter wardrobe, it is fresh in your mind what you wore and what never saw the light of day. The questions below will help you determine if it is worth storing an item until next year or if you need to bid it a fond farewell now. The same thing is true as you unpack your spring and summer wardrobe. Do you look at something and think, “Oh, yay, I had forgotten about this and can’t wait for the weather to get warm enough so I can wear it.” Or, do you look at it and think, “Wow, I still have this thing?” Hang the “oh, yay” one in your closet straight away. Keep the other one handy as you refer to the 5 steps below to determine whether it finds a home along side the “oh, yay” item or heads to the nearest consignment store, donation center or trash barrel.

1. Does the color look great on you? “Well, it goes with everything” (that’s usually our answer to black or gray) doesn’t cut it, nor does…my mother gave it to me, or…everyone is wearing this color. None of those things matters unless the color also looks great on you. Why settle for a color that’s just ho-hum (or worse!) when you can have a closet full of colors that make you sparkle? If it isn’t a great color on you, let it go.

2. Does it fit you right now? So much can change in one season and our weight is one of those things that can fluctuate widely within just a few short months. If it doesn’t fit, you can keep it (as long as you can say yes to the other questions, of course), but do not put it in your working closet. Storm it away for now. Or, if the fit issue can easily be remedied by a trip to the tailor, then add it to the tailoring pile (you do have a tailor, right?).

3. Is it in good repair? It is so easy to toss something into the out-of-season closet or storage unit figuring you’ll think about it when the temperatures dip or soar again, but now is the moment of truth. Has this item seen better days? Is it pilled, frayed, stained or thread-bare? If so (be honest), it goes. Yes, even if it was your favorite. If that’s the case, it’s actually a good thing. It means you got your money’s worth out of it and now it is time for it to retire and make room for something fresh and new to take its place.

4. Is it comfortable? You know you won’t wear it if it isn’t, and yet it is so easy to keep something thinking we might need it sometime when, in our hearts, we know that we will always find something we feel better in rather than wear something uncomfortable and spend the entire time longing to take it off! If it isn’t comfortable, it goes.

5. Can you make a complete outfit out of it? If you recently “retired” the only item that made this garment into a complete outfit, then it’s time to reflect on its value to your wardrobe. Will you easily be able to create a new outfit with it or is it one of those things that you will drag around from store to store looking for a match? If the latter is true, thank it for its past contribution to your wardrobe and pass it along. And, if it has been sitting in your closet with the tags still on it because you can’t find something that will go with it, first check to see if it passes the test of the other four questions. If it does, then give it one last chance to find something to go with it. If, within the next week, you do not find a suitable companion for it and it is still sitting in your closet, consign it or give it away. You won’t believe how relieved you will be to let that energy go. You will no longer be reminded that you spent money on something you can’t wear or put pressure on yourself to spend valuable time trying to make it work or wearing it in a combination that doesn’t make you happy.

Are you ready for the final test? This is crucial and should really be the first thing you ask yourself: Do you love it? So, why do I have it last? Because I also know from past experience that until we go through the exercise above, it is way too easy to think you love something until you put it to the test. Lydia is a perfect example of that.

When I was in Lydia’s closet with her, she pulled out a dress that she had had for years and said, this stays, it is a long-time favorite and I love it. Okay, great. I asked her she minded if I asked a few questions about it. She agreed and so I asked her when she had last worn it. That’s when the story began. She hadn’t actually worn it in about three years because it was a tad tight–and had been for all that time. Ooops, that’s #2.

She had also recently started coloring her hair and when she put the rose colored dress on it clashed with the auburn highlights she had added to cover the hints of gray in her naturally brown hair. Until she put it on she hadn’t realized that the color made her complexion look a little ruddy and the color felt dull rather than soft and pretty as it had originally. With the first two questions being answered with a resounding no, that was enough to make her realize (with no further promptly from me) that it needed to be in the give-away pile, but the clincher was when she realized there was a stain at the waist band that clearly had been there for a while and was likely not coming out.

At first she felt sad, but then she remembered how wonderful she had felt in that dress for many seasons and she was fine with letting it go.

These five questions (plus the bonus question) will help you identify and remove from your closet the items that are no longer serving you. While I know this exercise can feel a bit scary, it will also feel liberating. No more pressure to wearing something you can’t or do not want to. Of course, these questions also raise more questions. What if it passes all those tests and you still don’t wear it? Then, it is time to get my book, That’s So You! or go to your local bookstore and ask them to order it.

That’s So You! helps you identify many more reasons why things aren’t working for you and gives you answers to questions you don’t even know you have right now. There is an entire chapter on Tapping Into Your Inner Beauty followed by Taming Your Closet and Real-Life Fashion Advice. Those are just three of the nine chapters that help you create a look you love with beauty, style and grace.

The bottom line is that you can have a wardrobe you feel great in. Take a moment now to begin your spring cleaning process and feel lighter and refreshed as you step into the warmer weather.

It’s spring.  Well, at least it is in the stores even if the weather is telling you something different.  A sea of bright colors greets you as you enter any clothing store, and this alone is enough to send some women into a tizzy.

A couple of days ago I was shopping with a client in a department store.  As we headed out into the racks of clothes she looked at me with a faint smile and said, “How do you know where to begin?  My eyes keep darting in a million different directions and I feel totally overwhelmed.”  I calmed her fears and assured her I would help her navigate the store.  I also know that so many women share the same feeling of anxiety when they go shopping for clothes, and since we are about to enter a new shopping season this topic is very timely.

That said, I am not going to address all the ins and outs of shopping successfully (you can read about that in my newly released book, That’s So You! where I devote an entire chapter to this topic.

But I do want to touch on three specific shopping habits that can keep you stuck and frustrated as you shop and even more discouraged when you get dressed every day.  Change these habits and you will change your wardrobe forever.

Here are three confessions I hear from women all the time.  Let’s look at them and see if they ring true for you.  If so, this is a great opportunity to release those old habits and start fresh:

1. “I have been shopping at __________ store(s) for the past 5/10/15 years.”  If you are shopping at the same places you did ten years ago and are no longer having any luck, the culprit is one of two things.  It could be that the store is now identifying with a different demographic–sometimes they have a new buyer who is taking them in a new direction.  If it is not the store then it must be you.  This is not a bad thing, it’s just life.  Like it or not, as the years pass, our bodies shift, our lifestyles evolve and there is no doubt that we get older each year.  It could also be that the store is still a good choice for you, but you don’t know how to switch your focus to find those more suitable options.  No matter what, it eventually requires a different way of looking at your wardrobe and it will affect your shopping experience.  There comes a point when if you keep shopping in the same places without getting the results you want, buying clothes will continue to be an exercise in futility and frustration.

We also tend to believe that we should be able to shop at xyz store because everyone else does or it used to be great or they talk about it in magazines or television.  What happens then is that you stop looking for new stores to explore, especially if shopping is not an experience you enjoy.  And, hey, can’t everyone shop at Marshalls, Macy’s or Talbots?  Not necessarily.  One of my clients told me that her husband thinks I’m wonderful because now they don’t have to stop at every Marshalls they pass.  She used to go in because she was searching for ways to complete her wardrobe and the lower cost appealed to her (and felt less scary if she made a mistake) and, as a result, she would often buy things because of the price rather than the value it contributed to her wardrobe.  Now that she has a wardrobe she loves she still shops occasionally at Marshalls, but she does it strategically and because it feels fun rather than out of desperation.

Just ask Wendy Yellen (www.EideticLifeCoach.com) about the value of finding a great store.  While working with the ‘Who Taught You How to Dress?’ coaching program (www.whotaughtyouhowtodress.com), she learned the value of venturing into a few smaller boutique stores in her local area.  In her exploration she was delighted to find one that fit her style exactly.  Who knew!  She shared with me that, “Because of your encouragement, I actually now have a ‘favorite store’ and, unbelievably, people regularly—and often—ask me where I shop and tell me how great I look. Even better, I FEEL great about how I look!”  This one step changed her life.

A common concern is that boutiques are too expensive, but, as Wendy discovered, if you make wise choices there is a good chance you won’t spend any more than you used to.  You might have fewer clothes, but you will wear everything rather than having a lot of unworn garments hanging in your closet.  As you get to know the women who work at the store there is a good chance they will make sure you are the first to know about upcoming sales.  And, this might surprise you, but not all boutiques carry expensive lines of clothing.  Some actually have a low-moderate price point and some have a wide range of prices so there’s something for every budget.  Finding a store(s) you love can be life changing for you, too.  You get a wardrobe you feel great wearing, nothing hangs in your closet unworn, and you spend much less time shopping because you know where to shop.

Let me also say that it does not have to be a boutique that is your new go-to store.  It can be a consignment shop, a department store, a designer store, a big box store or even a thrift store—or a combination of some of the above.  It is just a matter of doing a little research in the beginning to find the places (one to four stores) that make you happy.

2. “I never try things on.”  This is a huge admission.  I know that many women dislike shopping so much that they swoop into a store, grab a few things that look promising or familiar and head home.  Or, they order online almost exclusively because it means they do not have to go anywhere near a store.  Once home they eventually try things on and too often they find themselves either trying too hard to make something work when clearly it is not ideal or they disappointingly acknowledge that the item doesn’t work, but then, with their busy lives, they often forget to return it.  It also means that they are less likely to branch out and try something new because it might not look good and then it is one more thing they have to return.  When your goal is to stay out of the stores as much as possible, the idea of venturing in even to return something takes a backseat to almost anything else in your life.

The problem is that waiting until you get home to try things on does not allow you as much freedom to explore and entertain new possibilities so you are more likely to stay stuck wearing a version of the same thing all the time.

I know what you’re thinking, “I never find anything new that I like.  Everything is too young, too old or just plain ugly and so it’s a lot easier to stay with what feels safe and easy.”  The problem is that this often means that you don’t feel inspired or excited about your wardrobe either.  Not that you have to be a fashionista, by any means, but every woman deserves to feel great about how she looks.

When you think about shopping for clothes, I’m sure you can come up with about six million things you would rather do or that feel more pressing, but if you choose a store you enjoy and schedule enough time so you don’t feel rushed and can actually try clothes on while you are there, you might be surprised at what new possibilities open up.  Why not take a deep breath and make a commitment (and actually schedule it) to expand your shopping experience?  You just might find yourself sighing with relief!

3. “I buy pieces when I find them.”  This certainly sounds innocent enough, but this one behavior can wreak more havoc on your wardrobe—and psyche—than the other two combined.  If you have orphaned pieces sitting unworn in your closet then it is well worth taking a look at this shopping habit.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with buying a spectacular piece here or there and even better when you can get it on sale.  The problem arises when you get it home and realize that, although you love it and are excited about wearing it, you cannot—no matter how hard you try—make a complete outfit out of it.  I know. I know.  Your intentions are to find something that you like so you can wear it, but for right now, it’s a lonely piece sitting there teasing you and begging to be worn.

Here’s the thing… the time to think about whether you can make it into a complete outfit is before you buy it.  Before heading to the checkout counter, mentally rummage through your closet and think about what will work with it.  Be specific.  If you cannot think of at least two items you already own that can finish it, then leave it at the store or buy the rest of the outfit (provided you love it) right then and there.  Yes, I know this takes discipline and focus, but it is worth it.

Do this exercise before you purchase another orphaned item: Take a minute and add up all the money you have spent on things you do not wear because you couldn’t figure out how to make them work and then allow that to inspire you to adopt this new shopping habit.  It will never let you down.

And, if you need more guidance, check out my hot-off-the-press book, That’s So You! and take a look at the section entitled, “Unworn Clothing: Love It or Let It Go” (just one of many that will help you) for inspiration and support.

Two weeks ago we started the discussion of how to avoid wearing clothes that add width and make you look heavier than you are. You can review those first five tips here. Now that you’ve had a chance to experiment with those ideas, let’s continue on with the next five:
6. Pockets can ruin a good outfit. While, pockets can be a very handy addition to a coat or jacket, there are plenty of other situations when you have to wonder what the designer was thinking. Patch pockets (a big square pocket sewn on the outside of a garment) are big offenders when it comes to adding physical and visual bulk, yet they appear on blouses at the bustline, on jackets or sweaters at the waist and on the hips of your skirt or pants. Not only are they large but they often gap or sag unattractively, drawing more focus to the part of your body they cover. Are there exceptions? Yes. If you are small busted, for instance, you can handle a pocket on your chest because you can afford to add volume, but if you are larger breasted, avoid it. It will just make you look bustier than you are and draw focus to that part of your body.

My recommendation is to avoid patch pockets anywhere on your body where you do not want to draw attention. So if you carry weight in your tummy, you certainly do not want to wear a jacket or sweater with pockets at your mid-section. And, if you have a few extra pounds on your hips and thighs, then patch pockets on your longer sweater or cargo pants with pockets on your legs will not do you any favors. Also, while we are on the topic of pockets, angled pockets that are often in women’s dress trousers should be banished. For most women, these pockets just pull and gap and make you look and feel heavier than you are. This does not mean you have to pass up a pair of pants that has them. In most cases, you can apply an easy fix. Just have the pockets removed and sewn shut by your tailor, and the front of your trousers will be nice and smooth.

7. Use color strategically. By this, I mean use color placement to your advantage. One great way to use color well is with color blocking. This just means that instead of wearing all one color or a smaller pattern of colors, you wear large blocks of colors in one outfit. Dresses often demonstrate this idea well. For example, a slimming design is one that has dark side panels (often with the dark panel indenting at the waist to create an hour-glass shape) and a brighter color down the middle of your body.

Take a look at the first dress pictured at the right. The eye automatically goes to the brighter pop of color, and the darker side panels recede, which appears to whittle your waistline. The dress pictured at the bottom offers another example using black and a print so your eye goes to the print and the curve of the floral design accentuates or gives the illusion of, that curve of the body.

You can do this with separates as well. Match your tank top to your skirt or pants, and then wear a long, sleek, dark neutral cardigan or coat jacket. Leave the sweater or jacket open, and you create a long central column of color with the outer jacket fading into the background. Of course, monochromatic dressing—wearing an outfit all in one color (or slightly varying tones of one color) from head to toe—will also have a slimming effect because the eye doesn’t stop or is not drawn horizontally as it would when, for instance, the hem of your yellow sweater contrasts with the brown of your pants.

8. Gathers or pleats around the waist are no one’s best look. While there are exceptions to every fashion rule out there, very few women can pull off gathers around the waist which we sometimes see in skirts that have an elasticized waistband and tiny folds of fabric pulled together known as gathers. This extra fabric adds width and fullness at the waistline. Pleated pants or skirts also add volume at your tummy and hip area and will automatically make you look heavier than you are. Sleek, flat front pants and skirts are always more becoming.

9. An ill-fitting bra adds pounds. You have most likely heard me talk about wearing a bra that fits you properly, and that’s because it is so important in creating a flattering silhouette. When your bra fits you well, your breasts are supported and lifted, and there is more space between your bustline and your waist. And, back fat is reduced when your bra fits your body. It’s a winning solution all around.

10. Accessories can add pounds, too. Yes, even accessories can add the illusion of pounds and a big offender is the choker necklace. Thankfully, chokers are not often a popular fashion accessory, but they do come into style now and again. When they do, choose wisely as they are not always the most flattering embellishment. Wearing a choker is not a big problem if you have a long thin smooth neck—in which case you can wear a thick or thin choker if it really makes you happy. But, in general, if your neck is short or full, the choker will just make your neck look shorter and wider, and, as you get older, it can draw attention to a softening jawline. Chokers can also have a somewhat unsettling effect—dare I say wearers look beheaded?—which is not usually a fashion statement anyone chooses on purpose. In general, a more flattering look is to wear a necklace that hangs down a few inches on your chest creating the illusion of a longer neck.

Did you notice that something was missing in the list of looks that add pounds? I’ve saved horizontal stripes for last.

It has been ingrained in women from a young age that horizontal stripes are universally unflattering and make every woman look heavier than she is. As a result, women everywhere avoid them like the plague. And, this isn’t always necessary. One general rule: the wider the stripe, the heavier it will make you look, and the thinner the stripe, the more slimming it is. Here’s a perfect example. Where does she look the widest?

You can also go one step further. If you want to wear horizontal stripes but worry about looking heavier, choose a thin stripe in related colors, such as medium blue with navy or pink and orange as in the example pictured at the top right, and the effect will be softer and more forgiving (than black and white, for example). You can also experiment with stripes that are wiggly or with patterns where the lines are diffused. These will also have a softer effect as you can see in the dress pictured at the bottom right. That said, it is not all lollipops and roses when it comes to donning a striped garment. As stripes—which are traditionally straight—navigate over your curves, they can look distorted and draw attention to the parts of the body they cover.

Believe it or not, for some women horizontal stripes are a blessing. Women who are tall and thin and feel a bit on the lanky side can use horizontal stripes strategically to add width and break up the vertical line. The point here is that you might not want to dismiss stripes so readily—unless you just don’t like them—and allow for the possibility that you might one day find a beautiful horizontal stripe that looks great and that you enjoy wearing.

I have yet to meet one woman who wants her wardrobe to make her look heavier and wider than she is. That’s why this checklist is so important. Whether you are mixing and matching from your existing wardrobe or out shopping for new items, keep this list handy as you make adjustments to each outfit you put together. In fact, here’s a distilled version of the list so you can refer to it often:

1. Expand your dark (a.k.a., slimming) color repertoire–black is not the only option.
2. Choose clothes that skim your body—not too big or too small.
3. Pair slim cropped pants with shoes with a low vamp to elongate your legs.
4. Ankle straps and high vamp shoes shorten your legs so be careful what you pair them with.
5. Keep your posture tall and straight.
6. Notice the pockets on the garment and make sure they do not detract or add bulk.
7. Use vertical columns of color to create a slimming effect.
8. Avoid gathers or pleats around the waist or hips.
9. Wear a bra that fits perfectly.
10. Avoid wearing a choker necklace unless you are sure it is flattering.

Practice applying these ten powerful tips and watch how those changes make you instantly appear taller and slimmer.

And, watch for an expanded version of this article in my upcoming book, That’s So You! Create a Look You Love with Beauty, Style and Grace due out next month!

Nearly every day I talk to women who want to be more adventuresome in their wardrobe choices, but they are afraid. As a result they find themselves buying the same things over and over because they feel easy, familiar and safe. But, their satisfaction is fleeting when they look in the mirror and see the same old look day in and day out.

What is the basis of their fear? Even if there are multiple reasons, one of the ones I hear the most often is the fear of looking silly and feeling embarrassed about how they look.

What causes this fear?

There can be many underlying reasons that they stay stuck, but there are three that stand out. See if you identify with any of these:

1. Are you afraid to make a mistake?
2. Are you afraid to step out of your comfort zone because you like it and you doubt you will find anything else you like as much?
3. Do you rely heavily on approval from others?

1. Fear of Making a Mistake

When I was in high school I was very insecure and worried a lot about how I appeared to others. As a result, I would go to any length to avoid making a mistake. In this instance I am talking about French class.

I was very proficient at reading French. I actually read Marcel Proust’s “Le Rouge et le Noir.” Trust me. That’s not easy in English never mind French. But where I really missed out was when it came to speaking French in class. I was extremely shy and very concerned that the other students would laugh at me. I didn’t like to speak unless I was sure I would do it perfectly, with all the grammar in place and a flawless accent. Now, really…how much chance was there of that? Pretty much none. I was so worried that I would do it wrong that I didn’t do it at all unless I had to.

My teacher was not to blame. In fact, I had an amazing teacher–one of my favorite teachers of all times–which made it even more sad that I didn’t take advantage of all she had to offer. In her classroom I had a safe place to practice and make mistakes so I could continually improve my conversational skills as well as refine my accent. In my case, being unwilling to risk making a mistake in front of others kept me limited in learning to express myself in a foreign language. Who knows how much more I could have learned or how much more quickly I would have increased my comfort level with my French speaking ability if I had just experimented more under her expert tutelage. Not to mention that any mistake I would have made would have been minor in the scheme of things—perhaps a mispronunciation, a wrong verb tense or misuse of a word. In other words, nothing earthshattering was going to happen if I made a mistake.

It’s the same with your wardrobe. When you venture into uncharted territory you might put an odd color combination together or wear a style that isn’t truly you just because you want to branch out and see how it feels. No harm done. It’s not like you are exposing things you shouldn’t or wearing every trend on the planet all at once. And, the beauty of it is that along the way you will find things you love and things you don’t. A “mistake” here or there is part of the experience in refining your look.

2. Fear of Stepping Outside Your Comfort Zone

I see this limitation expressed often in my clients’ closets, and Catherine is a perfect example. She and I had shopped together for many years. She was in her glory in the 1980’s when earring styles were big and covered a lot of the earlobe. She loved them! Of course, like everything else in the fashion world, eventually the earring trend went to the opposite extreme, and everyone wore small earrings. Everyone except Catherine, that is. I’m all for self-expression and had no problem with her continuing to wear larger earrings. The problem was that we couldn’t find them anywhere! It was hard for her to imagine wearing anything else (even though other styles looked equally good on her) and so she spent much of the next ten years feeling frustrated because her idea of perfection didn’t match what was available.

I know how scary it can feel to step outside your comfort zone, and I’m the first to admit that not everything will work, that’s for sure. But, when you get stuck seeing yourself just one way it prevents you from seeing new possibilities that could make you equally as happy.

3. Fear Others Will Not Approve (and the belief that they know better)

When Alison came to our first appointment she was wearing an elegantly ruffled blouse with a deep navy pencil skirt, a sapphire pendant necklace and platform pumps. Everything fit her perfectly and she looked beautiful. So why was she here? It took less than a minute of conversation before it was very clear. Someone else had dressed her. Because she felt unsure as to what looked good on her or what she felt in her heart of hearts would make her happy, she relied on her best friend and a fashion savvy sales woman to create a wardrobe for her. As a result, she looked lovely but felt out of sorts.

The way she liked to dress was in clothes that moved and felt a little bohemian and bordering on edgy. Rather than straightening her hair she loved to wear it curly but so many people had warned her that it was too unruly that she acquiesced and overrode her own style preferences. She did this because she didn’t feel secure enough in her own choices to create a wardrobe she truly loved. So she wore clothes that looked perfect on the outside and smiled as she received countless compliments. But, the satisfaction was fleeting because it didn’t reflect who she was on the inside. She had created a false sense of perfection and now felt trapped. She was afraid her friend would not approve, and she’d feel pressured into maintaining her current look. She needed a boost of confidence and guidance to find her own unique style and let go of seeking constant approval from others.

Is fear keeping you stuck in a style rut? Do you want to branch out, but you have tried to do it on your own in the past and never felt confident in your choices? I know the feeling. I could never have learned how (or goodness only knows how long it would have taken me) to speak French or create a wardrobe I love on my own. Yes, it’s true! Years ago (you can read more about my story on my website), I spent a lot of time and money making tons of mistakes. I was grappling with two of the scenarios described above. I was afraid to make a mistake (but made plenty in the process of trying to find my style) and I tried to fit in with whatever group of friends I was with. This got exhausting and never truly represented who I was. Not to mention that sometimes I knew a look didn’t work but I couldn’t figure out by myself what would have looked better! Thankfully, I found someone who could guide me in making choices that truly reflected my inner essence. It was a life changing experience and one that stays with me to this day—some 26 years later.

Can you have the same transformation? Absolutely! Every day I see how much the women on the ‘Who Taught You How to Dress?’ forum, which is part of the ‘Who Taught You How to Dress?’ coaching program, are growing in their abilities to put together a wardrobe and look they love. It is inspiring and gratifying to watch and support. Carla, who uses the forum regularly with great results, says:

You can have the same experience as Carla. Join the ‘Who Taught You How to Dress?’ coaching program and begin exploring more possibilities right away…this time with guidance and support. As you practice what you learn there, your confidence will grow, and you will become more fluent in how to create a look you love. Sure there’s a risk you will make a mistake, but you will make fewer mistakes–notice I didn’t say they would go away completely–and learn something new each time you put together an outfit or shop for clothes. And, if you feel stumped as to why something doesn’t work, just jump on the forum and ask. I, and the other women in the community, will help you. The more you practice and learn about yourself the more success you will have and the greater your chances of creating a truly ideal wardrobe!

If you feel that you could benefit from expert guidance, here’s you chance to learn more about joining the ‘Who Taught You How to Dress?’ community. Click here for more information. And, if you want the added experience of working with me in-person, learn more here about the ‘Your Style, Your Way’ workshop coming up on April 6. You will have the ‘Who Taught You How to Dress?’ program to support your workshop experience before and after. It’s the best of both worlds!

I had carefully planned my wardrobe for a recent trip to New York City where I was going to be spending an entire day shopping with a client. I’m not a light packer, and I don’t apologize for that. I always bring something extra just in case my mood changes, the weather doesn’t cooperate or I spill something. Thankfully, this trip was no exception but what happened made me more aware of the importance of giving your clothes a “dress” rehearsal.

I was leisurely getting ready in my hotel room on the morning of the shopping trip. I put on my brown pants and a jacket. My makeup was on, and I was fully accessorized. The only thing left to do was finishing packing and put on my shoes. And, then it struck me. The shoes I had brought did not have a high enough heel for the pants I planned to wear with the outfit. Sure enough, when I put my shoes on, the hem dragged on the ground – not a particularly elegant look and certainly not good for the pants.

I was so upset with myself. Thankfully, I was not completely stuck. I was able to wear the pants I had on the day before. They were the perfect color and the heel height was right. I just wasn’t as happy with the combination since the pants weren’t quite as elegant as the pair I had planned on wearing (although I’m probably the only one who noticed that). I took a breath, made peace with the outfit and vowed to rehearse my outfits more carefully the next time. It’s one thing to find that out in the privacy of your own home where changing is easier, but this was a new pair of pants, and I had not put it through the rehearsal process long enough to be sure what shoes would work best with them.

But, there’s a bigger lesson here. Fashion magazines are full of great ideas but it’s not until you translate those ideas directly to your body that you know whether it’s a hit or a miss. Something can look just perfect and inviting when you lay it out on the bed or see it hanging on the mannequin in the store, but it’s another thing to actually put it on your body and see how it all works in real life.

Recently, while doing a wardrobe consultation with Diane I mentioned my dress rehearsal concept. She told me that she does a “staging” with her clothes. She chooses her outfit ahead of time and then hangs it altogether on her closet door. She reviews it several times to see if she likes it before she decides to wear it. This certainly sets the stage for a fun outfit but, she agreed, it isn’t until she actually puts it on that she knows for sure whether it really works or not. My point exactly.

We are not one-size-fits-all or one-dimensional, and we do not have mannequin bodies. It’s easy to assume that the outfit will look just as good on us as it does laying the bed or on a mannequin, but it’s those assumptions that contribute to our frustration when they don’t. Your own private dress rehearsal will solve this problem.

Amy told me of a similar experience she had had. She found out she was to be the recipient of an award from her company, and it was to be presented to her at a special dinner. It’s no surprise that she wanted her outfit to be special. She found a dress she liked. It was sleeveless so she bought a pretty cardigan to go over it in exactly the right color. Her shoes, jewelry and handbag completed the outfit. She had been staring at the combination for 2 weeks with anticipation, and finally the day of the event arrived.

She got dressed and realized that not only did the sweater make the neckline bunch up funny but when she tried to walk more than 10 feet in her shoes her heels would slip, and she nearly fell out of them. They had been fine while she was standing looking in the mirror and moving ever so slightly but as soon as she walked any distance, yikes, she walked right of them. All she could think of was why hadn’t she done a full dress rehearsal before. What had she been thinking!

She ended up pinning the neckline to the sweater, and it turned out the room was warm so (phew!) she didn’t need the extra layer most of the time. She found some gel pads to stick in the front of her shoes so she could walk up on stage to receive her award. Unfortunately, the shoes made her feet hurt but at least she wasn’t leaving them 4 steps behind her when she walked. She had averted disaster and supreme frustration but her experience was not as fun and elegant as she had planned for it to be.

The moral of the story is that even if you’ve worn each piece separately before – even many times – it’s important to see if the new combination you’re considering really works. Your memory can do funny things, and it’s easy to forget that something was particularly clingy or only looked good with a skinny pant. The proposed outfit might look attractive hanging on the closet door lulling you into a false sense of security. Until you put it on. That’s the real test. Yes, you might feel like you have better things to do (a.k.a., things you’d rather do) than try your clothes on ahead of time. But, I promise that if you do this you’ll be so happy you did. No more last minute frantic clothing changes complete with cursing, tears and threats of not going anywhere. You’ll breath a sigh of relief as you get dressed with ease. And, if a practiced outfit doesn’t work during a dress rehearsal not only do you have a chance to tweak it with less stress.

A director would never go directly from selecting the cast and staging the space to opening night, and it’s not advisable to do that with your wardrobe either. A dress rehearsal is an invaluable step in your journey (whether it’s done in your home or at the store if you purchase everything at the same time) to creating a wardrobe you love with ease and joy. A few extra minutes of practice can save you frustration and anxiety as the curtain goes up, and the next day there will be glowing reviews all around!

The long, cold, colorless winter is upon us here in the northeast, and once the holidays are over we’ll settle in for several months of dreariness (can you tell I just love the winter!). Being cold is not one of my favorite things and yet finding warm, cozy clothes and accessories that are also fun and stylish can be a wee bit of a challenge, to say the least…especially once January comes around and the stores start to think about spring!

So, I scour the stores and internet looking for things to bring light and joy to any woman’s wardrobe, and I am, of course, more than happy to share my special finds.

Here are 5 items that I feel are pretty, refreshing or just downright adorable for you or as a holiday gift…

Warmth & Style All In One! I don’t wear many turtlenecks these days (a softening jawline and all that…) so I’ve taken to adding beautiful scarves to my wardrobe. There are lots of them out there but this one just caught my eye because the color is stunning and will look good on many women. (Coral scarf featured at right. Click here for shopping info) and this one looks cozy and again the burgundy color will look good on many women (Burgundy scarf featured at right. Click here for shopping info).

Give Your ‘Functional’ Accessories a Lift! Add some cheer to your outfit with a handbag in a gorgeous color. In addition to being pretty to look at (coming in red, green, black and silver), practical and timeless, it is also vegan and cruelty-free (Click here for shopping info).

And, as an extra bonus you can use the coupon code ‘Ginger’ through the end of the year and receive $200 discount on any handbag in their collection. I have a Jill Milan bag, and it’s totally elegant.

Big, Bold & Beautiful! Cocktail rings are all the rage right now, and they are fabulous! I have to admit it is one accessory I don’t wear (most look way too oversized on me), but if I did, this is one that I think is elegant, and unusual (Click here for shopping info).

Those of you who have been shopping with me at Jewelry by Karel know how much pizzazz a cocktail ring can add to an outfit, and she has a great selection at great prices. Whether you spend a little (you can find very fun, inexpensive ones on www.etsy.com) or a lot is up to you. It’s a fun way to add a little razzle-dazzle to your holidays.

Pretty PJ’s! I am constantly on the prowl for pretty, feminine, cozy sleepwear. So much of it out there is either dowdy, purely functional or skimpy (for me that means too short) and I’d freeze! I found a fun selection at Soma (Click here for shopping info).

Soothing Comfort All Winter! Historically, winter is a time to hibernate a bit, reflect and relax (yeah, right, you say!). Well, any little bit helps, for sure. That’s why I created this delicious essential oil blend of lavender, geranium and ylang ylang.

Use it as a massage oil or countless other ways (I include a list of suggestions for how to use it with each purchase). (Click here for shopping info).

Yes, the winter is long, but please don’t become just another body dressed in gray or black trudging through the winter months…biding your time until spring. Bring light, joy and delight to your wardrobe now! These are just a few ways to do that.

Feel free to share any juicy, sparkly, fun items you’ve found during your holiday shopping sprees. Let’s help each other celebrate beauty throughout the next few months.

We are a society that is obsessed with being young. Our culture revolves around it. The media glorifies it. And, our mirrors reflect it (or not!). And, with each passing day, it seems we become more and more aware of whether we are meeting or falling short of these arbitrary standards.

Whether you are fast approaching 30 or about to cross the 65-year mark doesn’t really matter. The issues change only slightly but the focus is the same – how to maintain a youthful appearance and healthy, energetic attitude. It’s a constant source of conversation among women as we compare notes and recognize body parts that are changing before our eyes. On the surface it’s a good thing. Staying youthful and enjoying life is good. But, the problem arises when we spend an inordinate amount of time assessing how we measure up or trying to hide or ignore the fact that we are getting older.

Hardly a week goes by that I do not have a regular conversation with friends and clients on this topic. Conventional society reveres youth, and the wisdom and natural beauty that come with aging are rarely given the respect they deserve (especially for women). In most of these conversations, the discussion usually comes down to how do you age gracefully. Does it mean accepting without reservation all that comes with getting older? Do you have to buy into the growing market of cosmetic surgeries and additional “beauty” treatments in order to look in the mirror and feel youthful? If not, how do you compete (and by that I mean feel comfortable with who you are) when the standard of youthful aging is constantly been raised?

We have all seen celebrities who have taken their quest for youth to an extreme with a seemingly endless series of cosmetic surgeries that result in a taut, pursed, unnatural look. Some women have gone to the other extreme and relinquish all effort to feel good about how they look because they feel like it’s a losing battle.

Wrinkles, sagging skin, shifting weight and gray hair make us aware of time passing and are seen as unfortunate by-products of getting older. And, guess what! Whether we embrace it or dread it, no amount of lotions, potions, praying, exercise, good genes or plastic surgery can keep it at bay forever. So, for those of us who fall somewhere in the middle, how do we make choices that make us happy? And, most importantly, how do you make peace with the aging process without losing yourself completely as in the extremes above?

Getting Perspective:

When you think back to when you were a child or teenager, what were the older women in your family like? I remember a friend’s mother putting cold cream on her face at night because that was the only “anti-aging” product available. One of my aunts, who looked exactly like the Queen of England for as long as I can remember, wore no makeup, let her hair go gray and adjusted her dress size as her weight shifted. She offered no apologies and had seemingly little or no angst associated with it. Few older women dyed their hair (at least in my town), no one whitened their teeth (was that even invented then?) and if someone had plastic surgery it was very hush-hush and you could barely tell. To be honest, I don’t remember anyone having had it done in my town.

I can’t say all of these women eagerly embraced the aging experience but they certainly were not grasping at youth, and there was no encouragement to do so that I know of. Maybe it was easier then or maybe not. Perhaps they felt discouraged or resigned to wrinkles and sagging skin, but there was not the pressure to do something about it.

Actually, in all my wondering I decided to call my mom and ask her if my memory served me well. She didn’t hesitate a second before sharing that, “In my 30’s and 40’s I didn’t go around with a group that worried about whether our chins sagged. We didn’t talk about getting older. We were a happy group and content with ourselves.”

What a gift! While I’m sure women today can be happy with themselves they are still bucking the current of pressure to address every line and age spot that appears, and the standards are certainly different today than they were 30 or 40 years ago. When you see celebrities who are 60 or 70 looking 40 or 50 (or at least trying to) it’s hard not to consider how we, personally, measure up.

My mom added that, “We weren’t comparing ourselves to each other or to movie stars. It’s not that we didn’t care how we looked. We were all about fashion and loved getting dressed up (we’d each buy 2 dresses before going to a party because we weren’t sure which one we wanted to wear) and loved having our hair done. But, we didn’t notice wrinkles even when they came, and we didn’t feel old. There wasn’t the pressure there is today to have everything fixed.”

As we talked I found myself wishing that we could turn back the clock. These days it seems we have to make a conscious decision to be okay with how we look rather than have it just be a non-issue. And, it would be nice to have the playing field leveled again. Right now, there’s an unattainable standard of beauty for women over age 50 (and often much younger) that bears no resemblance to how we age naturally. So, even if you’ve taken good care of yourself all of your life you cannot compete with women who are having multiple treatments done. So, what do you do?

If you take my mom’s advice, she’ll tell you to “go with the flow and you’ll have fewer worries and won’t wrinkle so fast.” There’s definitely truth to that statement. But, what do you do when you’re already worried and wondering how to keep up?

Tips for Embracing the Aging Process

Since we can’t turn back the clock to a time when there was less focus on not aging, and we can’t erase the awareness from our consciousness, here are a few tips I use to keep me feeling good most of the time.

1. Don’t worry…be happy – Okay, so it sounds silly but I’ve watched friends age before my eyes when they’ve been under an inordinate amount of stress. Stress causes blood flow to your skin to be restricted, it makes you frown more and it can cause inflammation. None of this makes you feel beautiful or relaxed. And, over time, these internal stress responses will have long-term negative impact on your skin and your entire body. Regular meditation, exercise, fun distractions or positive affirmations can all contribute to a happier feeling and positive energy. Yes, it takes effort and focus to move away from stressful situations but the results are worth it in the end on many levels.
2. Focus on your health – Take it from someone who knows. When you don’t feel well you don’t feel happy or beautiful. Protect your health. Eat well, avoid toxins, exercise, sleep and play. While it’s not always easy to do these things, the effects of uncontrolled stress, are not fun or pretty.
3. Banish your magnifying mirrors – I understand that sometimes they are necessary for applying eye makeup but if so, stick to that and then put them away. Don’t spend time examining and critiquing your face through a 5- or 10-magnitude mirror. Yikes! Everyone on the planet can find something to obsess about in one of those. And, while we’re on the topic of mirrors, try to avoid mirrors that have overhead lighting. They make everyone look tired and old.
4. Always wear your best colors – This one probably should be first! In fact, during my conversation with my mom and without any prompting from me, she told a story about a friend who is now in her mid-80’s. Every time she sees this woman she is dressed nicely and is wearing beautiful colors that make her glow. This is true at any age and even more important as we get older. Sure, you might have to hold out a bit to find your best colors in the stores, but it’s worth the wait to look radiant and beautiful all of your life. (And, your colors do not stay the same throughout your life. If it has been more than 10 years since you’ve had a color analysis done (or your hair color has changed), it’s time to do it again.)
5. Smile – This is my new way of coping. I don’t see the lines around my lips or the softening of my jaw when I smile so I take every opportunity to do so. See…I made you smile!
6. Do what makes you feel good – If you look in the mirror and all you can see is dark spots on your face or lines around your lips and it’s that all-consuming, find out what your options are to soften those concerns. There’s no right or wrong way to address your experience with aging. When it comes to making choices about feeling youthful, only you can decide for yourself.

So, take a good look in the mirror and what do you see? Look past the lines, spots or gray hairs (if they bother you) and identify what it means to be the age you are. Perhaps make a list of what makes you happy and what doesn’t. Start by focusing more on what you feel good about. Then, choose one thing that is pestering you about getting older, and find out what you can do to ease that discomfort. Maybe a good first step is to whiten your teeth, get a new haircut or buy a top in a gorgeous color instead of black. If plastic surgery or a non-invasive skin treatment is the answer, then get a referral from a trusted source, and check it out. Or, the next time you have tea with friends encourage them to talk about what they love about themselves rather than what is making them feel old. Lighten the energy and help each other see how beautiful you are at whatever age you are now. We thrive on this kind of connection and need to create our own support network when the media and society ignore or harass us. Don’t buy into their youth-crazed messages.

Will there still be days when we wish we had firm knees again, a tiny waist or our natural colored hair? Sure. But even if it means lengthening your dresses a bit or buying a top that skims your waist instead of accentuating it or finding out what colors make your gray or colored hair look amazing, you can look and feel great now. This is your personal journey. It is worth it to find out how to make peace with aging gracefully so you can enjoy every step along the way!

Be honest. Do you look in your closet and think, “Wow…I really need clothes. I have nothing to wear!” You stand there in dismay trying to figure out what to do next and then, you hear it — the voices that bombard you with a list of excuses as to why you can’t or won’t get new clothes any time soon. So, you nod your head, shut the door and go about your day. Until the next day, when you repeat the same scenario.

Admit it. There’s a sense of relief when you hear the reasons why you can’t go shopping. You don’t really want to do it anyway and having what feels like a valid excuse lets you stop worrying about it…at least for the moment. Instead you resign yourself to the daily stress of getting dressed and the familiar sense of longing for clothes that make you happy. You figure that some day the timing will be right but not now.

It’s no wonder you don’t love shopping for clothes. You spend time you don’t have wandering around the stores that feel too big and leave with things you don’t love but that will suffice. After all that, you go home worn out. No feeling of excitement or anticipation of having new things to wear. You’re just glad it’s over.

Phew! It’s completely understandable why you wouldn’t want to repeat that experience anytime soon!

What’s your favorite excuse? Do you tell yourself you’ll shop when:

• You have more time
• You have more money
• The stores have better choices
• You lose weight

At the time reasons feel legitimate. The problem is that they are open-ended – you can go on forever like that. If you dislike shopping or you don’t feel like you deserve a good wardrobe, then there’s always something else that will come along to take up your time and money.

So, what’s the answer?

“You must become a priority on your to-do list. And somehow it has to become a more enticing and rewarding experience or it is easy to keep putting it off.

What’s behind each of these excuses? Fear.

• Fear that you’ll waste time and come home with nothing worthwhile to show for it.
• Fear that you’ll waste money on things you’ll never wear. (Often this piggy backs an overriding belief that you have to spend a lot of money in order to have a great wardrobe (you don’t!))
• Fear that you’ll discover they don’t make clothes anymore that look good on you.
• Fear that you’ll buy new clothes and then lose weight and have to buy more new clothes, or
• Fear that you’ll buy clothes for your current (undesirable) weight and then you’ll feel complacent and not lose the weight you want to lose.

It’s not surprising that you’d rather stay with what’s familiar even if it’s uncomfortable than take a step that stirs up a whole bunch of new feelings that support your deepest fears.

So, now what? How do you get out of your rut and make this a happy experience rather than one that makes you feel even worse than your current limiting wardrobe?

Let’s address some of your underlying fears and then identify steps you can take to move in the direction you want to. Your past experiences are valid which is why you are reading this and looking for guidance. You want to move forward. This also says that you are willing to make some changes and take a step even if it feels uncomfortable or a bit scary.

• Time: If you’d rather have a root canal than go clothes shopping you’ll never set aside the time to do it until you’re in pain, i.e., you don’t have anything left to wear or you need something for an event and you must shop. Shopping when you are desperate is never a good use of your time and can severely deplete your energy. Nine times out of ten it just reinforces the fear (sometimes all of them!) and makes you even more reticent to shop again before you have to, setting you up for a vicious cycle of shopping only when you’re desperate.
• Money: Let me dispel this fear right up front. Sure, it would be wonderful to have an unlimited clothing budget, but to be honest, very few women have that luxury. In fact, it’s important to know what your budget is (no matter how big or small) so you spend it wisely. Nor do you have to shop at the ritziest stores in order to have a great wardrobe. You can find great clothes at any price point. I have things in my closet that I’ve found at thrift stores, consignment stores, off-price stores, department stores and boutiques. You name it, I’ve found clothes there. If you know how to make good choices then you can shop anywhere (I know. I know. This is why you haven’t been shopping – because you don’t know how to make good choices — but we’ll get to that).

One thing I need to point out is that bargain shopping sometimes takes more time and energy because thrift stores, consignment stores and off-price stores are often more hit or miss, and you have to filter through more racks than department stores or a boutique that you know carry lines of clothing that work for you. But, when you know what you’re looking for it gets easier and quicker either to find things or leave empty handed but satisfied you didn’t buy something just to buy something.

• Better Choices: Wouldn’t it would feel so much easier if fashion would just stay the same for a while? Maybe, maybe not. The reality is that styles change, trends change, and your body changes…sometimes even your lifestyle changes, so your wardrobe is constantly evolving (whether you want it to or not!). There are always new choices to be made and understanding how to make them for your body, lifestyle and personality is key.
• Weight: This is by far the #1 reason women don’t shop when they need to. Whether your body has shifted due to having children, going through menopause, health-related issues, or just getting older, its easy to mourn the days when it used to feel easier to get dressed (if that ever was true for you – for some women it was never easy and they just get worn out as the years go by), or, you just feel frustrated by the fact that you have a closet full of clothes that fit you at a different weight, and you can’t wear any of them now.

Whatever your weight is, you deserve to feel good right now. If your weight has changed, it doesn’t mean you have to go spend tons of money or buy massive amounts of clothes at your current weight if you are expecting it to change again. But you do need to have clothes you feel good in now. Focus on basic colors and garments you can mix and match to leverage your purchases and then add accessories to bring in personality. This will serve you much better than berating yourself for gaining weight or putting pressure on yourself to lose the weight. Good self-care and kindness to yourself will ease the experience and help you achieve your goal with less angst.

All of your reasons for not shopping are valid, but the good news is that they don’t have to keep you stuck forever.

• Set aside some time. If you’re used to dashing in to Kohls 20 minutes before you have to pick the kids up at school, then you’re setting yourself up for stress and frustration. Schedule in at least 90 minutes to shop. Put it in your calendar or you’ll never do it. No matter what your schedule is you can find it somewhere if you really want to even if you schedule it a month out.
• Shop with a plan. Have a list of priorities with you. Maybe you need new jeans and a winter coat. Or, a dress for a special occasion and a fun clutch. Even if your wardrobe needs a total overhaul do not go in as a blank slate with an open-ended list. You’ll be overwhelmed in a matter of seconds.
• Always look for your best colors first. Scan the racks, see what colors (your most flattering colors, of course) call out to you and start there. It immediately limits the number of options you have and makes it easier and quicker to shop. If you’re looking for a dress, for instance, in your shades of green, teal or purple and all you see is gray and orange, then you’re done. On to the next item on your list or to the next store. Don’t try to make something work just because you’re there. That’s how wardrobes get out of control!
• Be willing to try on new styles. Sure, some garments will make you roll your eyes and wonder what genius designer thought “that” look was a good idea, but there are always new options hiding on the racks just waiting for you to try them on. And, do not leave the store without trying things on – unless you really will return everything that doesn’t work before their return policy expires (I’ve seen too many closets full of clothes with tags on them), and even then I don’t recommend it. You’re less likely to take something that’s new and different (and potentially won’t work) home than you would be to bring it into the dressing room and leave it behind if it’s not right.
• Be willing to use a tailor. So many women have said to me, I’m petite so I shouldn’t have to hem petite pants. My response…why not? A petite woman can be 4’11” or 5’4”. I’ve even shopped with women who are taller and have long torsos in comparison to their legs and petite pants fit them well. That’s a wide range and no way you can expect one length to cover everyone. And, that’s just pants. Other alterations often need to be done so allow for this cost when you buy something or else don’t buy it (and in that case you can expect your choices to be considerably limited). This is true for everyone, not just petite women. Find a great tailor and you open up a whole new world of options.
• Complete the outfit as much as possible in the dressing room. You’ve heard me say this before, and I’m happy to say it again and again. You can’t try on a pretty dress with clunky sneakers and socks on. Most likely (I know this is true for me), you’ll feel dumpy and you’ll dislike the dress immediately without giving it a fair assessment. In this case, if you’re shopping for a dress, bring a pair of shoes with you that you’d wear with it just so you can get an idea of what it would look like finished (at the very least, take off your socks!). If you are trying on a pair of skinny jeans (and women of all sizes and shapes can wear them so don’t think they are just for tall, thin women), you’ll want to have a jacket or sweater that covers your butt and maybe even a pair of tall boots to get the full effect. It’s too easy to dismiss something when you can’t see the final look.
• Ask for help. If the next several months pass and you still haven’t gone shopping, you might need a jumpstart. Many of my clients shop with me two or three times a year so they can get it done as efficiently and productively (and with as much fun) as possible. They know they don’t like to shop by themselves or it takes too long or they make too many mistakes so having support makes it all a thousand times easier and then they don’t have to think about it again until the next time we shop. There is no embarrassment in needing help. In fact, it’s a sign of strength and honoring yourself (believe me, I’ve done it in other areas of my life and am thankful I have). Not everyone loves the experience of shopping but everyone deserves the experience of looking great every day!

So, what are you waiting for? Please don’t just turn the page and say yeah, yeah, I’ll get to it soon. Make a commitment now. Get out your calendar and schedule a time to shop. Start making a list of what you need – just 1-3 things. Start visualizing the experience being fun and easy and stick to the date. Make that commitment to yourself and your personal self-care. Each step you take is one more step towards having a wardrobe you love. Do it now!

Every time I poll groups of women to find out who likes to shop and who doesn’t, somewhere between one third and one half admit they hate it. If you add to that the number of women who like to shop but don’t have time to, the percentage soars to almost two-thirds! I have also found that love it or hate it many women are often frustrated by their shopping experience and rarely find shopping to be as efficient and productive as they’d like.

If any of this sounds familiar, check out these five common shopping mistakes to see if they ring a familiar bell. Print this out and take it with you on your next shopping trip. It can save you time, aggravation, and money! Cleaning up your shopping act can make all the difference in the world. Try it for yourself and see.

1. Avoid Shopping “Daze” — If you love to shop (and have the time!) then skip to #2 since this will not be an issue for you at all. This is mostly a concern for women whose eyes glaze over when they walk into a clothing store (as mine do in Home Depot!). Solution: Go with a list – a short list and stick to it so you can focus only on what you came into the store for. Sounds simple, but, as you know, it is easy to get distracted so write it down!

2. Play Dress Up…Adult Style — If I had a nickel for every time a woman told me that she can only find a dressy dress when she doesn’t need one, but when she goes shopping specifically for a dress (too often at the last minute!), it becomes an elusive purchase, I could retire (not that I want to, of course)! When it comes to dressy clothes (especially if you do not have any) buy something when you see it. It takes much longer for them to go out of style, and you’ll be thrilled the next time you are invited to an event and actually have something delicious to wear. As a bonus, the universe has been known to reward you with fun invitations just because you have a beautiful outfit ready and waiting. An example is the ruched empire dress pictured at the right.

(Click here for shopping information).

3. Put an End to Your Shopping S.O.S. (Same Old Stuff) — I have seen things that look downright hideous on the hanger look spectacular on a body and things that you’d think would be a sure thing on the hanger look dreadful when you try it on. Go figure! (This is especially true this season when the 80’s styles are back in full force! The dolman (a.k.a., batwing) sleeve is a perfect example. It’s everywhere and will look great on some of you and awful on others (especially those of you who are large chested or bigger on top than on bottom) AND it almost always looks terrible on the hanger.) If it calls to you and intrigues you, try it on! You can always (and must!) put it back on the rack if it doesn’t work, and you have spent nothing other than a couple of minutes of your time. If it does work, you will have something exciting and new to spice up your wardrobe. An example of a dolman sleeve is the knit top pictured at the right.

(Click here for shopping information).

4. Once More With Feeling — Have you ever gone shopping and left with bags of clothes but also with a nagging sense that something is missing…say, excitement/delight/joy over your new purchases? In this case, turn right around and return it all! You must love everything you buy and wear – no excuses, no arguments!

5. No If’s, And’s, or But(t)’s

It’s so easy to try to talk ourselves into or out of something but often our rationalizations will cause more aggravation, discouragement or frustration than anything else. So, if one of these sounds familiar, stop and take notice…

• “If I just lose 5 pounds/do more ab and butt exercises/hold my breath it will fit perfectly!”
• “If I just wear a little more blush and a different lipstick this beige blouse won’t make me look so washed out.”
• “But it’s so cute/such a good price/feels so comfy – I’m sure I can find something to wear with it.”

No, no, and no! Buy it and wear it only if it is wearable now.

Will every shopping trip be a raving success? Well, it depends on how you measure success. Sure, it would be great if each time you shopped you found exactly what you were looking for easily and could wear it the next day. But, that’s not always the case. Sometimes what you are looking for isn’t in that store at that particular time. Never buy something just to buy it (refer back to #4). At best it’s a hollow victory. Sure, you’ll have more clothes to add to your wardrobe but if they aren’t things you love wearing then what’s the point?

Keep these solutions handy so that every time you are tempted to stray you can refer back for moral support and guidance (writing them down is even better so they will be handy the next time you shop). Your wardrobe, psyche, and wallet will thank you.

Does one of these resonate with you? Has it kept you stuck? If more than one strikes a familiar chord, just choose one to focus on so you don’t get overwhelmed. I’d love to hear your successes, questions, and aha moments if you’d like to share them.