Women never come to me and say I want lots of clothes. Nope…never. In fact, more often than not they tell me that they want to simplify. My interpretation of this is that they want fewer clothes that they wear more often. And while some women might want and actually enjoy accumulating clothes, mostly the pleasure comes from wearing them.

Does this ring true for you, too? Does your sense of yearning come from feeling unfulfilled in your wardrobe (often over a period of years before it gets to the breaking point). You’ve settled into a “good enough” look and then one day notice that you wear the same things over and over because they are easy, and many things hang unworn in your closet.

Multiply this by a million (I suspect it’s at least that many) and that’s a lot of clothes not being worn, and, more importantly, a lot of women feeling out of sorts.

So, why do you have too many clothes? There are lots of reasons and I’ll discuss a lot of them here:

1. You Love To Shop: Let’s get this one out of the way because chances are good that if you’re reading this it is not one of your reasons: you love to shop and enjoy creating beautiful outfits and the biggest problem you encounter is that you don’t have enough days in the week to wear them all as often as you’d like. Okay, so there…we said it. There are some women out there like that for sure but unless they run out of closet space they are usually pretty happy with what they have. If this is you, it can still be helpful to pare things down periodically to the outfits that are your most favorite. Why not do this quarterly? Donate garments, consign, have a clothing swap with your friends, or at least pack lesser-worn items away to see if you really miss them.

2. You Might Need It Someday: This is a biggie. You’ve rarely (or never) worn it. You’re not even sure you like it or that it fits, but, hey, what if you need it someday to complete an outfit. No! No! No! If you can’t make an outfit with it right now (and especially if you don’t love it), get it out of your closet (pack it away if you can’t bear to get rid of it completely). And, if you’re not sure if it can work in your wardrobe get help to find out first. You won’t believe the relief you’ll feel knowing one way or the other. Remember, there is no room in your closet for things you don’t love.

3. Giveaways and Hand-Me-Downs: This is one of those really tricky areas. People feel good about passing things along but they need to work for you…I mean really work for you! Comfort and free clothes are not the most important criteria to consider – it’s a reasonable (and fun) starting place but, before you decide to keep it and wear it, you must ask yourself these questions for starters: Is it a good color? Does it fit or can it be (and will you) tailored? Can you make a complete outfit out of it? If it can’t pass those tests, it goes away!

4. You Spent Good Money On It: All the more reason to understand why it does or doesn’t work so you can either wear it or let it go. Once you know how to complete the outfit you can get your money’s worth out of it. Or, if you finally understand why it doesn’t work, you can let it go and chalk it up to a learning experience (and be wary of making that mistake again).

5. Your Weight Fluctuates: Join the crowd! Raise your hand if you own clothes in more than one size. I can assure that 95% of all women (especially those of us over 40) just raised their hands. It’s okay. Relax and take a breath…phew. What’s not okay, however is keeping all the sizes in the same closet. No! Only the clothes that fit you now belong in the closet you use on a daily basis. Everything else needs to be in another closet or packed away until they do fit.

6. Clinging to the Past: Do you have clothes in your closet from 1992…1987 or even before? Clothes from another job where you had to dress more conservatively? Clothes from a past lifestyle when you used to sail all the time or attend a lot of formal functions? Assessing whether your wardrobe addresses your current lifestyle needs is very important. Hanging onto things you used to wear will keep you stuck in a rut and won’t help you feel authentically you anymore. (And, a special word about the energy of clothes. If some of your past outfits were from a painful or unpleasant time in your past, all the more reason to remove them immediately. You don’t need to keep that energy alive in your closet – it will only deplete you.)

7. It’s Classic: This follows right on the heels of “clinging to the past.” Yes, some styles have a timeless quality about them but many fewer than you would think. Chanel jackets are one thing but even little black dresses and something as basic as jeans go through style changes as the years pass. Yes, you want to take good care of your clothes so you can wear them as long as possible, but the main purpose of your clothes is to be worn. If you really love them and enjoy wearing them…then wear them so much that they wear out. Yes! That means you’ve gotten your money’s worth and have enjoyed the garment before it goes out of style (which 99% of the time will happen).

8. Peer Pressure: This is a tricky one. There’s a fine line between helpful advice from BFF, mother, sister and friendly sales woman and being railroaded into buying something you don’t love. Who needs to add one more thing to their wardrobe that doesn’t feel wonderful? Yes, you want to step out and try new things AND at the same time honor who you are (not the people who are trying to help you). The more you can feel self-confident knowing what you love and what you don’t love the easier it will be to say no to unwanted pressure to buy.

9. Searching For the Perfect Pieces: I once did a wardrobe consultation with a woman who had easily 40 white blouses in her closet. Of those 40 blouses, she generally wore 1 or 2. That’s it! So why did she have so many? Because someone had mistakenly told her that every woman should have a white blouse in her wardrobe and, even if that were true, she discovered that finding the perfect white blouse was trickier than she thought. She kept buying them hoping she’d find one that she loved. She didn’t. The solution? Stop buying white blouses! Find out if a white blouse really speaks to who you are and if so, hold out for one that makes your heart sing (and that you can actually make a complete outfit out of). Otherwise, try something else.

10. You Can’t Get Rid of Anything: This one is arguably the trickiest. It really depends on why you can’t get rid of things. It could be a combination of the reasons above or it could be more deep seeded in which case getting some outside guidance will be so important. Holding on to things that no longer serve you because of past experiences or because they give you peace will eventually backfire. Finding peace within your soul will help you move things along with grace and ease.

Wow! Do you see yourself in one (or more) of those? If so, the most important thing is to take one baby step at a time. That’s it. Just one!

Overwhelm is one of the big reasons women never do anything about an out of control wardrobe. The closet door closes and it’s out of sight out of mind until the next time you get dressed. And, then it smacks you in the face again. Living with that kind of frustration day in and day out does not make for a happy experience.

Getting dressed is meant to be a joyful (or at the very least easy and satisfying) experience. So, what’s the one step you will take in the next 24 hours to move you out of overwhelm and closer to joy? ________________ Please share in the comments area below. Making this commitment will tell the universe you are ready to do some clearing, and we’ll all help support you!

At first, as I walked around a department store with a client, we were not finding her colors very easily.  This was back at the beginning of the spring shopping season when everything seemed to be beige!

After about 15 or 20 minutes she turned to me and said, “I would have left the store by now and gone home empty handed and frustrated.”

I told her to have heart, take a deep breath and relax.  We would find what we wanted.  Sure enough, at the end of our shopping time she had the two outfits (plus a few extras!) we had been looking for so she could feel absolutely confident making a presentation the following week.  The colors were perfect, the styles suited her personality and they were appropriate for being in front of her staff and colleagues.

Sure, shopping successfully takes understanding certain guidelines, fashion rules, and of course, personal styling tools.  It also requires a certain amount of persistence and a positive attitude (which, I know, many of you have lost over the years).

It’s important to know when the store just isn’t doing it for you and when you need to focus and dig a little deeper.

Since we are in the middle of the shopping season, I wanted to give you all a boost of confidence to help you navigate a shopping experience with grace and feel productive at the same time.

How to Shop Successfully:

The next time you head out to the store of your choice, keep these tips in mind:

• When you go to a department store, go with a purpose and find the specific department that fits your needs.  (Try to refrain from getting distracted.)  If that still feels overwhelming, ask for help or shop in a smaller store.
• Set an intention. Go in with the intention that you will find everything you want joyfully and effortlessly (if you go in as if you are waging a war you will exhaust yourself and sure enough the going will be tough – just as you expected!)  To counteract this, create a positive affirmation before you even start.
• Look for your best colors ONLY – make this the first thing you look for once you find the department you are shopping in.
• Shop for one thing at a time, e.g., jeans, suit, outfit for a specific event, etc.  Keep it simple and you are much more likely to feel happy with the outcome.
• Shop only when you are relaxed and happy. Skip this one at your own risk.  I have seen women shopping when they are harried, not feeling well or down in the dumps, and it is rarely a pretty picture (at least for someone who generally dislikes shopping (for those of you for whom shopping is retail therapy, that’s a different story – it is more likely to give you a boost)).

Be sure to avoid:

• Wandering aimlessly around the store. Have a purpose and goal in mind and stick to it.
• No multi-tasking. Trying to focus on 3 or 4+ items at once will put your mind and psyche on overload.  Of course, if you have immediate success with your original objective and you have the desire and energy to keep going then, by all means, keep shopping.
• Run from pushy sales women. There are two types of saleswomen you want to avoid: 1.  Saleswomen who insist that they know better than you do about what you should buy.  Even if something does look good, if it is not your personality or you just plain don’t like it, it will just sit in your closet unworn.   (Note: This does not mean you shouldn’t try new things, but sometimes the sales women are way off base.  If you have your words (from the inner beauty work we’ve done together or through the home study program, this will help to keep you on track).) 2. Saleswomen with frenetic energy.  Both will exhaust and overwhelm you – and you are sure to buy things you don’t like!

If you have your Nurturing Beauty Shopping Guide from “Who Taught You How To Dress?” be sure that is in your handbag at all times.  It will help keep you on track and make good selections.

If you have been procrastinating about getting your spring shopping done, print out this article and take it with you.  Keep your chin up, plan on success and most of all, have fun!

(Note: If are still not having any success or you find yourself procrastinating endlessly, I am happy to help.  Take a minute to fill out the “I Need Help” form on my website (http://www.totalimageconsultants.com/i-need-help.shtml) and let’s set up a time to talk.  Let’s see if we can find a way for you to create a wardrobe you love and feel great dressing every single day!)

How often do you shop for clothes or accessories online?

When you do, do you LOVE what you get?  Hmmm…that’s what I thought…sometimes you do and sometimes you don’t.

When you shop on-line you have the entire world of fashion at your fingertips…or so it seems.  Of course, this can be a blessing or a curse.  It can leave you delighted by all the options or totally paralyzed with indecision.

Chances are good, however, that if you are reading this, you spend most of your online shopping dollars at resources that you have found to be tried and true.  And, chances are good you are feeling somewhat uninspired by your purchases.  Right?

You might know (from a previous blog post) that I have mixed feelings about on-line shopping.  Yes, it can make life so easy (at least up front), but it can also complicate things unmercifully when what you get doesn’t live up to your expectations.  Returns, exchanges, frustration and despair can ensue.  Not to mention that it can get costly and your closet can end up looking like a strange confusion of styles that doesn’t make any sense together or it can feel like a collection of blah “basics” – neither is quite what most women are looking to create.

So, yes, I still advocate finding designers you love and frequenting their on-line stores.  These stores and designers are smart.  They make it easy for you to come back time and time again.  You generally know what size you wear and what to expect from their clothes or accessories.  That’s all good.

If, however, you find yourself longing for something different, for a little extra pizzazz in your wardrobe, maybe a view of what else is available in the world of fashion, or perhaps a shot at finding your favorite designer for less, then I’d like to suggest a few places to explore.

Let me give you an example. I’m a huge fan of Not Your Daughter’s Jeans – I own them in 4 colors!  Recently, on one of these on-line shops they featured NYDJ’s at more than half off the full price.  Wow!  A variety of styles and colors – something for nearly every NYDJ’s fan.

Just a little note: the sites that offer great savings also often sell out pretty fast.  It’s definitely worth taking a quick peek when the announcement comes in so you can see if there is something that interests you and get to it before it’s gone.

Some of these sites offer sought after brands at private sale prices and others offer a vast selection of designer brands (not always at discounted prices) you can’t find other places, so they serve two different purposes.

On-line Shopping Resources

Example of pretty dress at Ideeli

www.ideeli.com/invite/GingerBurr - This is a free “member-site” so you do have to sign up (by invitation from a friend) and then you are notified of daily sales on designer brands at up to 80% off.  Amazing deals!
www.tinyurl.com/BeyondTheRack-Ginger - Beyond the Rack is a private shopping club for women and men who want designer brand apparel and accessories at prices up to 70% off retail.  Membership is free, but like Ideeli you must be invited by a friend such as the link above.

www.ruelala.com/invite/gburr446 - Each day at 11 am they introduce new selections of sales (again, big sales of usually around 50%) that will last for 2 days (or until they sell out).  Their notifications are clear, and so it’s easy to see if there’s something you want to take a closer look at.

A beautiful clutch that also empowers women (at Purecitizen)

www.tinyurl.com/purecitizen-ginger - This is a very special site that works similarly to the others above but with a twist – they feature ethical fashion, organic beauty, fair trade home, independent artists and designers, and more…Each sale lasts 72 hours and products are marked down 30-90%!  And, each sale benefits a non-profit.

www.shopittome.com - Eco-friendly and vegan options are easy to follow on Shop It To Me.  You get to choose the brands you follow and you will be notified as often as you’d like when they go on sale!  Wow!

beta.swirl.com/invite/GingerBurr – Swirl is an online sample sale site created in partnership with DailyCandy. What this means for you: clothing and accessories from the world’s best designers, from up-and-coming buzzmakers to our favorite established brands, at up to 80% off.

Stunning Stella McCartney shoes at Bluefly

www.bluefly.com – A longtime online retailer (with a great search option)) — they offer the fashions at 20-75% off and if you sign up for their email alerts you will receive a $10 discount on your first order.

www.yoox.com – Similar to Bluefly, they have been around for a long time (since 2000) and boast a collection of fashions that are hard to find other places.  Plus, these are not on a time limit like some of the other sites (nor do they offer the significant savings the other sites do).  They do, however, have a great search option so you can refine what you are looking for and are not restricted to just what is on sale that day.

http://www.shopbop.com/welcome?invitation_code=4242224QBCYShopbop tends to be a bit trendy but has tons of fashions to choose from, and they offer free shipping and free returns (that’s big!).

And, as an added bonus, with some of these sites you will receive a credit (usually $10-$25) when you refer a friend to one of these sites (as I am doing), and she makes her first purchase.

Here’s the bottom line: Looking doesn’t cost you anything and, as a result, you just might find a fresh, fabulous resource and take your wardrobe and personal style on a new adventure!  Each site offers new fashions and possibilities that you might not even know exist otherwise.  Sure, most of what you’ll see you’ll pass by, but if you discover that one great “find” that delights your senses and makes you happy to wear it, it’s worth it!

Do you have a favorite, unusual on-line shopping resource?  Please let us know!