3 Shopping Habits That Keep You Stuck
It’s spring. Well, at least it is in the stores even if the weather is telling you something different. A sea of bright colors greets you as you enter any clothing store, and this alone is enough to send some women into a tizzy.
A couple of days ago I was shopping with a client in a department store. As we headed out into the racks of clothes she looked at me with a faint smile and said, “How do you know where to begin? My eyes keep darting in a million different directions and I feel totally overwhelmed.” I calmed her fears and assured her I would help her navigate the store. I also know that so many women share the same feeling of anxiety when they go shopping for clothes, and since we are about to enter a new shopping season this topic is very timely.
That said, I am not going to address all the ins and outs of shopping successfully (you can read about that in my newly released book, That’s So You! where I devote an entire chapter to this topic.
But I do want to touch on three specific shopping habits that can keep you stuck and frustrated as you shop and even more discouraged when you get dressed every day. Change these habits and you will change your wardrobe forever.
Here are three confessions I hear from women all the time. Let’s look at them and see if they ring true for you. If so, this is a great opportunity to release those old habits and start fresh:
1. “I have been shopping at __________ store(s) for the past 5/10/15 years.” If you are shopping at the same places you did ten years ago and are no longer having any luck, the culprit is one of two things. It could be that the store is now identifying with a different demographic–sometimes they have a new buyer who is taking them in a new direction. If it is not the store then it must be you. This is not a bad thing, it’s just life. Like it or not, as the years pass, our bodies shift, our lifestyles evolve and there is no doubt that we get older each year. It could also be that the store is still a good choice for you, but you don’t know how to switch your focus to find those more suitable options. No matter what, it eventually requires a different way of looking at your wardrobe and it will affect your shopping experience. There comes a point when if you keep shopping in the same places without getting the results you want, buying clothes will continue to be an exercise in futility and frustration.
We also tend to believe that we should be able to shop at xyz store because everyone else does or it used to be great or they talk about it in magazines or television. What happens then is that you stop looking for new stores to explore, especially if shopping is not an experience you enjoy. And, hey, can’t everyone shop at Marshalls, Macy’s or Talbots? Not necessarily. One of my clients told me that her husband thinks I’m wonderful because now they don’t have to stop at every Marshalls they pass. She used to go in because she was searching for ways to complete her wardrobe and the lower cost appealed to her (and felt less scary if she made a mistake) and, as a result, she would often buy things because of the price rather than the value it contributed to her wardrobe. Now that she has a wardrobe she loves she still shops occasionally at Marshalls, but she does it strategically and because it feels fun rather than out of desperation.
Just ask Wendy Yellen (www.EideticLifeCoach.com) about the value of finding a great store. While working with the ‘Who Taught You How to Dress?’ coaching program (www.whotaughtyouhowtodress.com), she learned the value of venturing into a few smaller boutique stores in her local area. In her exploration she was delighted to find one that fit her style exactly. Who knew! She shared with me that, “Because of your encouragement, I actually now have a ‘favorite store’ and, unbelievably, people regularly—and often—ask me where I shop and tell me how great I look. Even better, I FEEL great about how I look!” This one step changed her life.
A common concern is that boutiques are too expensive, but, as Wendy discovered, if you make wise choices there is a good chance you won’t spend any more than you used to. You might have fewer clothes, but you will wear everything rather than having a lot of unworn garments hanging in your closet. As you get to know the women who work at the store there is a good chance they will make sure you are the first to know about upcoming sales. And, this might surprise you, but not all boutiques carry expensive lines of clothing. Some actually have a low-moderate price point and some have a wide range of prices so there’s something for every budget. Finding a store(s) you love can be life changing for you, too. You get a wardrobe you feel great wearing, nothing hangs in your closet unworn, and you spend much less time shopping because you know where to shop.
Let me also say that it does not have to be a boutique that is your new go-to store. It can be a consignment shop, a department store, a designer store, a big box store or even a thrift store—or a combination of some of the above. It is just a matter of doing a little research in the beginning to find the places (one to four stores) that make you happy.
2. “I never try things on.” This is a huge admission. I know that many women dislike shopping so much that they swoop into a store, grab a few things that look promising or familiar and head home. Or, they order online almost exclusively because it means they do not have to go anywhere near a store. Once home they eventually try things on and too often they find themselves either trying too hard to make something work when clearly it is not ideal or they disappointingly acknowledge that the item doesn’t work, but then, with their busy lives, they often forget to return it. It also means that they are less likely to branch out and try something new because it might not look good and then it is one more thing they have to return. When your goal is to stay out of the stores as much as possible, the idea of venturing in even to return something takes a backseat to almost anything else in your life.
The problem is that waiting until you get home to try things on does not allow you as much freedom to explore and entertain new possibilities so you are more likely to stay stuck wearing a version of the same thing all the time.
I know what you’re thinking, “I never find anything new that I like. Everything is too young, too old or just plain ugly and so it’s a lot easier to stay with what feels safe and easy.” The problem is that this often means that you don’t feel inspired or excited about your wardrobe either. Not that you have to be a fashionista, by any means, but every woman deserves to feel great about how she looks.
When you think about shopping for clothes, I’m sure you can come up with about six million things you would rather do or that feel more pressing, but if you choose a store you enjoy and schedule enough time so you don’t feel rushed and can actually try clothes on while you are there, you might be surprised at what new possibilities open up. Why not take a deep breath and make a commitment (and actually schedule it) to expand your shopping experience? You just might find yourself sighing with relief!
3. “I buy pieces when I find them.” This certainly sounds innocent enough, but this one behavior can wreak more havoc on your wardrobe—and psyche—than the other two combined. If you have orphaned pieces sitting unworn in your closet then it is well worth taking a look at this shopping habit.
There is absolutely nothing wrong with buying a spectacular piece here or there and even better when you can get it on sale. The problem arises when you get it home and realize that, although you love it and are excited about wearing it, you cannot—no matter how hard you try—make a complete outfit out of it. I know. I know. Your intentions are to find something that you like so you can wear it, but for right now, it’s a lonely piece sitting there teasing you and begging to be worn.
Here’s the thing… the time to think about whether you can make it into a complete outfit is before you buy it. Before heading to the checkout counter, mentally rummage through your closet and think about what will work with it. Be specific. If you cannot think of at least two items you already own that can finish it, then leave it at the store or buy the rest of the outfit (provided you love it) right then and there. Yes, I know this takes discipline and focus, but it is worth it.
Do this exercise before you purchase another orphaned item: Take a minute and add up all the money you have spent on things you do not wear because you couldn’t figure out how to make them work and then allow that to inspire you to adopt this new shopping habit. It will never let you down.
And, if you need more guidance, check out my hot-off-the-press book, That’s So You! and take a look at the section entitled, “Unworn Clothing: Love It or Let It Go” (just one of many that will help you) for inspiration and support.
Asian influence: The past few years we have seen a lot of tribal designs on the fashion scene, and they are still there. But, this season we are seeing much more Asian influence and it can be worn by everyone. Go full-out and get a Kimono style jacket or perhaps keep it a bit more understated with a beautiful Asian-inspired floral jacquard print like this dress (
Stripes: Stripes are one of those patterns that women approach with trepidation, especially horizontal stripes. I’m here to suggest that not all stripes are bad. Nearly everyone can find a stripe they like even if it’s not the typical black and white or navy and white nautical stripe we think of first. I cover more about stripes in my new book, “That’s So You!,” which will be released this month. For now, take a look at this pretty wavy stripe option (
Lace & Macramé: Add a touch of lightness and texture to your wardrobe with lace or macramé. This lace overlay shift dress is a perfect example (and in a hot color for the season: watery blue) (
Peek-a-boo strips: It sounds racier than it really is (or needs to be). You will find it in everything from a cable knit sweater to this pretty dress (
Berets: Hats have been gaining popularity for a while now and as we head into spring it can still be wise when the temperatures are cool to cover your head. Or, it might just be a fun fashion statement that speaks to your bohemian side. Now you can do it with a relaxed vibe in a pretty beret (
Gladiator boots: Also known as ‘Shin armor’ — these are the craziest shoes ever (well, maybe not crazier than those sky high platforms).
Graphic contrast (bold black and white): I know our culture has a love affair with black and the past few seasons this has extended to black and white worn together. While it looks great on someone who can wear this high contrast it is absolutely not most people’s best look. And, this season we are seeing the most expressive part of the trend as a very clear, sharp distinction between the black and white – almost architectural. In this dress you can see the very strong use of stripes (another hot trend) as well (
Patchwork Animal Print: Every year for the past 26 years animal print has been a trend…really! It has been tweaked here or there for the type of animal print or sometimes color has been added, and usually I like it. This is the first time I have to say…scary! (

You can also go one step further. If you want to wear horizontal stripes but worry about looking heavier, choose a thin stripe in related colors, such as medium blue with navy or pink and orange as in the example pictured at the top right, and the effect will be softer and more forgiving (than black and white, for example). You can also experiment with stripes that are wiggly or with patterns where the lines are diffused. These will also have a softer effect as you can see in the dress pictured at the bottom right. That said, it is not all lollipops and roses when it comes to donning a striped garment. As stripes—which are traditionally straight—navigate over your curves, they can look distorted and draw attention to the parts of the body they cover.
Warmth & Style All In One!



2. Play Dress Up…Adult Style — If I had a nickel for every time a woman told me that she can only find a dressy dress when she doesn’t need one, but when she goes shopping specifically for a dress (too often at the last minute!), it becomes an elusive purchase, I could retire (not that I want to, of course)! When it comes to dressy clothes (especially if you do not have any) buy something when you see it. It takes much longer for them to go out of style, and you’ll be thrilled the next time you are invited to an event and actually have something delicious to wear. As a bonus, the universe has been known to reward you with fun invitations just because you have a beautiful outfit ready and waiting. An example is the ruched empire dress pictured at the right.
3. Put an End to Your Shopping S.O.S. (Same Old Stuff) — I have seen things that look downright hideous on the hanger look spectacular on a body and things that you’d think would be a sure thing on the hanger look dreadful when you try it on. Go figure! (This is especially true this season when the 80’s styles are back in full force! The dolman (a.k.a., batwing) sleeve is a perfect example. It’s everywhere and will look great on some of you and awful on others (especially those of you who are large chested or bigger on top than on bottom) AND it almost always looks terrible on the hanger.) If it calls to you and intrigues you, try it on! You can always (and must!) put it back on the rack if it doesn’t work, and you have spent nothing other than a couple of minutes of your time. If it does work, you will have something exciting and new to spice up your wardrobe. An example of a dolman sleeve is the knit top pictured at the right.
Have you ever walked around a store looking for something specific and thought, yikes, there’s nothing here I want to buy? You’ve checked every department and all the sales racks (more than once) and still nothing! You could go to another store but you’re running late for a meeting or to pick up the kids, and you’re feeling discouraged and tired anyway.






Take it one step at a time, and see what happens. Maybe pick up a fun beach tote that will add that spark you’re missing (












