Nurturing Beauty Style Secrets Blog

As you may be aware, I write a monthly article for One Green Planet — a blog that brings together a range of distinct voices, unified by a commitment to spreading good ideas that benefit people, animals and the planet.

Many of my readers have indicated that they are interested in my vegan lifestyle and the options available to anyone interested in exploring cruelty-free fashion choices.

My latest article, “5 Reasons to Use Vegan Makeup Brushes,” has been published and can be of interest to Vegans and non-Vegans, alike. After all, every woman needs good quality makeup brushes.

Please visit

http://www.onegreenplanet.org/lifestyle/5-reasons-to-use-vegan-makeup-brushes/

to read my latest article.

I invite you to leave a comment on the site or share the article with your social networks as well.

As a girl I was mesmerized by the popular television show, “Gilligan’s Island” – for obvious reasons…I loved watching Ginger — “the movie star.” Here she was deserted on an uninhabited island and yet she seemed to have an endless supply of stunning gowns, her hair was always perfectly coiffed, and her makeup was flawless. Her “lounging around the house…um, I mean island” clothes were not what most of us think of as comfy. She always looked glamorous. Silly, yes. Engaging, yes. Realistic, nope!

More recently, I have been watching reruns of the old “Dick Van Dyke Show.” Oh, my goodness…what a different world it was then. Rob and Laura would have their next door neighbors over for dinner, and they’d all be decked out in cocktail dresses and the men in suits! I’m not sure any of them owned a pair of jeans (or dungarees as they were probably referred to then).

Times have certainly changed! I suspect that your “relax around the house” outfit doesn’t resemble the movie star’s clothes or even Laura Petrie’s. I know mine don’t. I’ve lost count of the number of women who tell me theirs consists of old, stained sweatpants or baggy jeans with an oversized T-shirt or layers of ill-fitting polar fleece in unflattering colors, or, some variation thereof. Does any of that ring a bell?

I completely understand, and to be totally honest, I’m always on the lookout for fun, pretty, comfy things I can wear around the house and not feel like a total frump. Because this is such a constant concern for so many women, here are 5 tips to consider for your ‘at home’ wardrobe:

1. Manage the Dirt Factor. So many women say to me, “But I cook, clean, walk the dogs, do some gardening…in my at home clothes so they can’t cost a lot or look too fancy.” Here’s a radical thought… just because something gets dirty does not mean you have to discard it. Sure, you might not want to spend major dollars on something you could drip spaghetti sauce on (that’s also what aprons are for), but it just means you buy clothes that are washable. These T-shirts, for example, come in fun colors, are made of soft cotton and, considering I’ve had some for years, seem to be practically indestructible:
   Plus, they often have sales on them so you can pick up your favorites for less. (Click here for more information).
2. Feeling Yucky Weighs On Your Psyche. Have you ever caught a glimpse of yourself in a mirror at home and thought, “Yikes, I’m so glad no one can see me this way!” Sure, our home should be our sanctuary, but it’s also a place we go to feel happy, supported, relaxed and connected. While you don’t have to wear your fanciest finery (trust me, I don’t!) you do want to feel content in your own skin. (Kudos to those of you who can feel grounded and happy no matter what you are wearing.) For the rest of us, a little extra attention to this part of our lives makes a huge difference.
3. Fashion Rules Still Apply. Okay, before you get mad at me, hear me out. The fashion rules I’m talking about are personal to you:
   • Choose colors that flatter you.
   • Fit is still important. (You might think I’m crazy but when I bought a zip-up polar fleece jacket in a gorgeous teal color from LL Bean, it was way too big (and they didn’t have a smaller size). So, I took it to my tailor and had it taken in on the sides and the sleeves taken in, too. Yup, I never wore this outside the house but I needed to feel good in it. And, I wore it so much I definitely got my money’s worth from it.)
   • Dress for your personality –let that special inner you shine through even in fun, comfy, cozy clothes. It doesn’t have to be an either/or situation.
4. Try Something New. It is SO easy to get set in our ways about what feels good and what doesn’t. If you have been wearing the same “at home” outfit for what seems like forever, then maybe it’s time to explore new options. You just might be surprised! For instance, I have recently discovered fleece-lined leggings (click here for more information):
   
   They are totally amazing! No binding at the waist (a pet peeve of mine) and they are soft, sleek and warm. I’ve recently even found them in dark brown at a store up the street from me (let me know if you want the name). I pair them with this fun top (in brown)
   
   and it’s super cozy, sleek and casual. (Click here for more information)
5. What You Wear At Home Stays At Home. My stay-at-home clothes are just that. I’m not embarrassed if friends come over or I will run to the mailbox or shovel snow, but they are not what I wear when I’m out and about.

Remember, this is not about being a “fashion plate” (or movie star) at home, and it’s really not so much about fashion rules. It’s about what makes you feel happy. I have learned over the years that so many women feel drab, frumpy or messy at home and wish they had a “uniform” to wear about the house that they feel good in but that doesn’t require them to sacrifice comfort. It’s very doable. It just takes a bit of focus and intention. Use these tips above to help you identify what works for you and most of fall, have fun!

Important: Even when no one else will see you don’t settle for something that feels “not horrible” – a common sentiment I hear from my clients. Allow your inner beauty to resonate in your cozy clothes as much as in your out and about wardrobe, and you won’t believe how delicious that feels!

Jackets are arguably one of the most underrated garments in our wardrobe. What’s your jacket story? Do you wear them? Do you have some but they just hang in your closet? Do you only wear them to work but can’t imagine that you’d want to wear one casually? Do you love them…hate them…aren’t sure?

I regularly hear all kinds of reasons why someone doesn’t wear one. These reasons often include one of these:

• “Every jacket I’ve ever tried feels stiff and uncomfortable.”
• “Blazers are boring and old-fashioned.”
• “Jackets just seem too formal. Where I work everyone is casual.”

I have to share that I am a huge (yes, huge) fan of jackets personally. For those of you on the fence or just curious about my fascination with this particular garment, I’d like to share why jackets are so fabulous!

1. They Hide a Multitude Of Sins (as my mom would say). Isn’t this just the best reason! Whatever is going on under a jacket is a mystery to everyone but you. Lumps, bumps, extra tummy, fuller hips, wiggly arms…no one else can see it.

2. They Keep You Warm. This is a key component for me because I’m always cold. A jacket adds warmth without feeling like I’m the abominable snowman (like I sometimes feel in bulky sweaters). And, for someone who runs hot and cold or goes from inside to outside a lot, a jacket is a must because it allows you to easily adjust to the temperature changes.

3. They Add an Extra Ounce of Authority. Do you work in a male dominated field or one where you are in a managerial or supervisory role? Wearing a jackets adds visual authority. Don’t get me wrong. I’m not talking about authority as a way of being intimidating or an abuse of power. It’s more about lending an air of self-confidence so you hold your head higher. It can add structure to an outfit and a feeling of purposefulness.

4. They Add Visual Interest to an Outfit. Want to add spice to a simple blouse and pair of pants? Adding a fabulous jacket is one way of bringing a bit more personality and flair to the outfit. It doesn’t have to be over the top – again, it’s all about expressing who you are and what makes you happy.

5. They Create Illusion. Have you ever put on a top and pants and thought…yikes, all I see is my belly. Or, perhaps you notice that you have a straight figure (no noticeable waist definition). Maybe your shoulders are a bit narrow and sloped so all you see are your hips. Whatever the situation, a jacket is a miracle-worker. There are days when I feel like I have all three of those situations going on on my body at once! A jacket can create curve where I want it and boost my shoulders when I need it. Whew! What a perfect garment.

Here’s a special fashion tip: If you do not have well-defined waist, here’s a little trick that can give you the waist you never had (or lost) – especially for those of you who have been avoiding belts. Wear a jacket and then belt the top underneath so all you see (when the jacket is unbuttoned) is the belt buckle and a little bit of the belt on either side. No one else can tell if your waist is big, little, thick or thin. They just know you have one because the belt gives the illusion of a waist. It’s like magic!

Jackets do not have to be ho-hum or stiff. These days they come in all fabrics and designs, and range from casual to trendy and from sophisticated to outrageous. You get to choose the right flavor for your personality and the occasion. Plus, so many of them now come with stretch in them that it’s almost impossible not to be comfy!

Here are a few ideas – just know that the possibilities are endless:

Want a little drama?

Click here for more information.

This one has a feminine feel, is longer and is kind of a cross between a jacket and a sweater:

Click here for more information.

How about a fun and flirty but casual jacket:

Click here for more information.

These are just a few ideas to help you think beyond the traditional blazer to jackets that work for different aspects of your life. There is something out there for everyone. Just keep in mind your coloring, body shape, lifestyle and personality and have fun picking and choosing.

Do you have a favorite jacket? Please feel free to share with us in the comments section.

It’s that time of year again…the holidays!  Whether you love them or wish you could sleep through the next 6 weeks doesn’t change the fact that they are fast approaching.

Forget the parties, forget the dress up, fancy stuff – there’s already a lot of talk out there about that.  I’d like to talk about how to dress for a cozy gathering of family or friends that is holiday-driven but still casual and fun.  How do you find your holiday glam when your spirit says bah-humbug?

Finding that sweet spot where you look like yourself, feel comfortable and also make it feel special is part of what celebrating is all about.  So many times I hear from women that they get their children all gussied up or they put their heart and soul into the delicious food they’ll prepare but when the time comes to peek in their closets and get dressed, they sigh a long deep sigh of resignation…there’s nothing there that makes them feel as special as they want to.  Then, in a last ditch effort to feel the holiday spirit they grab the same old red sweater with jeans (or the equivalent) and run out the door.

Does that sound even a teensy weensy bit familiar?

I’ve been speaking with a lot of women this past week about their wardrobes and the common theme is “ease.”  Ahhhh, doesn’t the idea of a personal style that allows for ease and grace just make you feel so good? Okay…okay, I know, reality then sets in as you slam your closet door on a wardrobe that seems to contain very little that resembles ease.

I don’t know about you, but that sure sounds good to me – a little more ease and flow is good for everyone.  And, bringing that concept into your wardrobe is just one way to make the holidays a bit more joyful and fun, don’t you think?

What would that look like…for you?

Sure, creating a full wardrobe that makes your heart sing is a fabulous concept and one that is definitely worth focusing on.  But right here and now when the holidays are right around the corner and you just want to feel good now, let’s look at some possibilities.

Here are 3 different options for a lovely, relaxed holiday gathering.  Of course, it’s important to put your own signature on whatever you wear but maybe this will inspire you.

1. Want cozy and feminine? How about a beautiful sweater dress.  And (here’s a great idea), how about if it is in a color other than black!  Try this Cowl Neck Dress (#1 pictured at the right): Click here for more informatiom. Although I absolutely do not recommend those shoes with the dress – even on her long, thin legs they look heavy and clunky!  If you really want to feel cozy, how about black tights and sleek knee high boots?  Add a touch of glam with some fun, sparkly earrings like these Amethyst Purple earrings (#2 pictured at the right): Click here for more information.

2. How about comfy and chic? Yes, it took me a while to embrace (again!) the whole concept of leggings but I have and I love it.  I wear ones that resemble very skinny, stretchy pants so they have a little more body to them than regular leggings and don’t feel so thin and exposed.  And, I always wear something long enough.  Try your favorite pair of leggings with fabulous boots and this sweater over a long sleeve top (that comes down at least crotch length).  Belt the underneath top with one of these fabulous belts (there are some really fun options for belts out there so choose one that speaks to your personality) and let the vest hang loosely (#3 pictured at the right). Click here for more information.

Belts:

The first belt is SO different and totally fun (obviously not for everyone but it’s sparkly and festive) (#4 pictured at the right): Click here for more information.

Stretchy belts are super comfortable and this one, although it has sparkle, is actually somewhat understated.  This adds some glam without being over the top (#5 pictured at the right):  Click here for more information.

This belt is much more casual and is different from the typical belt style we see out there (#6 pictured at the right): Click here for more information.

Don’t like belts?  Try letting the top flow loosely under the vest and wear a long necklace like this one (#7 pictured at the right): Click here for more information.

3.  Cozy, Casual Comfort. If jeans are your thing, step it up by wearing a dark wash jean that fits you beautifully (stretch is the key component) accompanied by your favorite sweater and add a fun faux fur scarf in a delicious color like black currant (#7 pictured at the right): Click here for more information or this fabulous red scrunchy scarf (#8 pictured at the right): Click here for more information. Talk about cozy and festive!

Need help tying a scarf?  Watch my scarf tying video to learn to tie it in a fun new way: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RYxVGkwB3TM

Whatever your look, be sure you choose it with intention and are not scrambling at the last minute to find something “acceptable” to wear.  This is a great opportunity to be you in a comfortable setting with people you love – so with a little advanced planning you can relax, enjoy, have fun and look great!

Just imagine:

• Your closet is filled with clothes that make your heart sing every time you get dressed.
• It takes you about 3 minutes (if that!) to pull a fabulous outfit together each morning, and you always feel great as you leave the house.
• You have just the right number of clothes and wear everything in your closet.
• You get compliments right and left but mostly you have this inner, heartfelt sense that you look great.

What do you think when you read that?  Do you feel like you’re there most of the time?  Or, does your head immediately say, “That’s a pipe dream. Maybe it works for other women but I ________ (don’t like to shop, am hard to fit, don’t know how to put things together, don’t have enough money, live in a super casual town and everyone would make fun of me…).”  Watch where your thoughts and feelings go – this will tell you a lot.

So, is it really a pipe dream or can it be reality?  If you don’t already experience this regularly, what needs to happen so you do?

Yes, the technical “know how” is necessary to create a wardrobe you love, but it’s equally as important to look at the intangible stuff that is keeping you stuck.

Most importantly, it is absolutely true that you will stay stuck if you stay mired in your story about why you can’t have what you want.  Believe me, I’ve been there done that with many things in my life.

But, it doesn’t have to be that way.  As long as you are taking one baby step at a time you will make progress, and it will feel good!

So, how do you do that?

If you haven’t already used my free e-course (it’s a new addition to your Nurturing Beauty newsletter subscription (you can get it here: http://www.totalimageconsultants.com/subscribe.shtml)), I highly recommend using that as a first step.  It helps you clean out and make space for new beginnings.

So as not to overwhelm you, I’d like to offer 4 steps you can focus on to help you move in the direction of a wardrobe you adore.  If this is new to you, just focus on one at a time.

1. Hold out for what makes you happy. So many women say that they “had” to buy something because there was nothing else or “it was functional.”  Yuck.  No, please don’t let those words come out of your mouth.  This way of thinking will never, ever serve you.  If you don’t find what you want, keep looking. If you don’t know what you want (or don’t know what you don’t know you want (if you can follow that)), enlist help.  But, no matter what, never choose something based on function alone or bring something home simply because you couldn’t find anything better.  That is how ho-hum, “not horrible” and boring, uninspired wardrobes happen to good people!
2. Always complete the outfit. This sounds simple, but the execution sometimes feels overwhelming or confusing.  The last thing you want to do (if you haven’t already) is end up with a closet full of incomplete outfits (a situation I know is epidemic in women’s closets across the country and beyond).  When you think about completing an outfit I don’t just mean before you walk out the door wearing it…
   • When you are trying on a garment in the store, be sure to “complete” the outfit as closely as you can in the dressing room so you give the garment a fair shake when it comes to being a contender for space in your closet.   Too often, I will see a woman put on something like a dress while she’s wearing butterfly ankle socks and a sports bra and then say, “This doesn’t work at all.”  Well, she’s right.  But, perhaps if she put on a pair of shoes (or at least took off her socks) and went shopping with a proper bra she could honestly evaluate the dress.  Believe me, it really does make a difference.  Sure, you might still not love the dress but at least you’ve given it the old college try!
   • Then, of course, only buy the dress if you know that you have the perfect sweater to go over it and shoes to go with it and that you are willing to tailor it if it needs it, etc.  Having a dress sit in your closet because you’ll be cold and have nothing to keep you warm when you wear it or you can’t bear to spend the money on the tailoring (if that’s the case, we really must have a little chat!), then you are best leaving it at the store or returning it if you get it home and it just sits there.
3. Watch out for limiting personal style beliefs. This is a biggie, and I hear it all the time.  Things like:  “There are no shoes out there that fit me.”  “All the styles are too _________ big/small/old/young/black/shapeless… for me.”  “I can’t wear that because no one I know does and I’ll look out of place.”  These are just a few examples of the kinds of things we tell ourselves that keep us stuck and limit our options.  I’m not suggesting that you overcome all of your limiting beliefs with a snap of your fingers (although wouldn’t it be lovely if that could happen!).  Just become aware of what you tell yourself (even if you believe beyond a shadow of a doubt that it is true).  Maybe try shifting one that has the least hold on you first.  Say something like, “More and more I’m finding shoes that I like and that fit me.” For some inspiration, I highly recommend Cheryl Richardson’s and Louise Hay’s new book called “You Can Create an Exceptional Life.”  It’s an excellent resource and so uplifting.
4. Expect, welcome & celebrate the learning curve. Chances are good it has taken you a while to get stuck (it doesn’t usually happen overnight).  So, give yourself a break and celebrate each new success no matter how small.  Perhaps you left something at the store that you normally would have bought and never felt good in (or a year from now it would still be sitting in your closet with the tags on it).  YAY!  Maybe you catch yourself saying, “I can’t wear a skirt with knee high boots, I’m too old” and then decide to try it on (completing the outfit as much as possible, of course).  Even if you don’t buy it, give yourself a big YAY!  Each time you do you set yourself up for more and more success – the universe just works that way.

Lastly, write these tips down on a 3×5 card and keep them with you – especially when you are in a dressing room.

• Hold out for what makes you happy
• Always complete the outfit (in the dressing room and at home)
• Watch out for limiting beliefs
• Expect, welcome & celebrate the learning curve.

You can have a wardrobe of your dreams.  It just takes a little determination and attention to details.  It takes stretching a bit and sure it takes some focus, time and energy.  But, the payoff is great – a wardrobe you love.  It’s worth it. (And, believe me it takes just as much focus, time and energy to create a wardrobe you tolerate – the toll just weighs heavy on your heart.)

If you need some guidance to get you going, “Who Taught You How To Dress?” is the perfect companion.  Not only will it walk you through limiting beliefs, exploring your inner beauty and helping you learn how to shop from your heart, but it also gives you access to a very special ‘How to Dress’ online forum where other like-minded women (including me) are exploring all of these things together – asking questions, posting stories and even taking pictures and asking for help.  There is nothing like it out there and can give you the guidance and support you need to create a dream wardrobe – even long distance!  Learn more at www.whotaughtyouhowtodress.com.

Just in the past week alone I have had several (not just one, but several) women call me saying something like,

Not only do they have to ponder the ever-changing world of fashion as it relates to their body, personal style and lifestyle, but they have to ward off negative comments (whether well-intentioned or not) from others along the way.

For some women, creating a wardrobe has been a constant source of frustration while for others their discontent has evolved as their bodies have changed.  Add to that the bombardment of messages that how they look is not okay, and you have a big giant mess!

Believe it or not, when it comes to how we feel about how we look, more harm is done by those closest to us than strangers or acquaintances.  In today’s technology obsessed world we are overwhelmed with makeover TV shows, fashion magazines and celebrity style updates.  As a result teenagers know a lot more about fashion than those of us over 40 did when we were their age.

Unfortunately, while some of their information might be helpful and enlightening (not all of it, though…remember, they are teenagers!) it’s the delivery that is often lacking in tact.  Sadly, mothers are equally culpable and because their comments often come at an earlier age when we are most vulnerable the ramifications are longer lasting.

Several years ago I surveyed women about what “hurtful comments and unwanted advice” (now a chapter in my body image, style and self-esteem home study program “Who Taught You How To Dress?”) they still carry with them.  Yikes!  The input was overwhelming and often heart wrenching. Here are two simple examples:

The comments range from simple seemingly benign comments like those above to much more insidious and mean-spirited like this one:

Does this strike a chord with you?  Have you experienced something similar?  Does it still influence your feelings about your body and your wardrobe?  The truth is even when you are very insightful and logical about it, it can still have emotional impact as the woman from above went on to explain:

I know this is a huge, often very charged topic (which is why it has its own chapter in my home study program).  I also know it is important to address the hurt so you can move forward and feel good about how you look.  That is a very necessary step to unburden yourself and truly delight in who you are.  Whether it is a good therapist, energy healing or some other personal growth work, the rewards are great.  It is a way to bring your psyche (and your personal style) back to a heart-centered place and truly enjoy who you are and how you express yourself in the world.

Once your awareness has set this journey in motion and you have a newfound sense of empowerment, there are 3 things to remember:

1.    Please Yourself First. What you wear and how you present yourself visually is a very personal decision.  You get to choose – not your daughter, your husband, your best friend or your mother!  And, here’s the clincher: Generally speaking when you feel fabulous about how you look (even if others do not totally agree), their unsolicited comments have much less charge to them. When you reconnect with your personal power and can honestly experience that special part of you that makes you you, discovering your personal style will feel more organic.  Whether you do it on your own or with support, this step is critical to disarming the hurtful comments.

2.    Just Say No! First of all, who gave these people permission to comment on how someone else looks?  Some people have a bad habit of imposing their personal views on others and think that being a family member or close friend gives them free reign.  It does not! When you are the recipient of one of these hurtful comments or unwanted advice, let them know (with grace and love) that this is not acceptable.  If you are having trouble verbalizing this I highly recommend reading books by Cheryl Richardson or Louise Hay (and now they’ve written one together called, “You Can Create an Exceptional Life.”)  They will guide you in setting boundaries so you get what you need AND feel good about it.

3.    Surround Yourself With Support. You deserve to have your life filled with people who cherish you for who you are and are not trying to change you to fit their mold of what is right and acceptable (on their terms).  When you have this kind of support you can also feel comfortable being vulnerable and are more likely to ask them for advice because you know it will be given with kindness and love.

Lastly, I cannot stress this enough.  The premise for much of this unwanted advice is that “I know better” and so they feel like it is their right and duty to impose their views.  Bottom line: the end does not justify the means – no matter what we see and hear on reality TV shows!   Yes, you might go ahead and make the changes they suggest or bully you into, but will it be from a place of inspiration and excitement or sadness, resignation and self-loathing?

Life is too short to spend every day feeling disempowered each time you get dressed.  Your wardrobe is meant to be a source of joy and personal expression not a source of aggravation.  Take it one step at a time as you move yourself in a direction that will make YOU happy every morning.  Whether it means setting boundaries with others, making changes to your wardrobe or both, be sure it comes from a place of genuine delight and a love of beauty motivated by your own self-confidence.  Make peace with your body and with those who criticize you.  Then, allow yourself to explore your style from a heart-centered place.  When you please yourself first, you won’t believe how this will transform your state of being and silence your critics (both inner and outer!).

Dear Designers:

Could I talk frankly with you for just a minute?  Like some of you, I have been in the fashion industry for a long time (going on 25 years!) and I love it.  There is, however, one critical area where our attention diverges.  While most of the fashion world is focused on very young, tall and thin women, my clients tend mostly to represent the over 40 woman.  As a result (and because I fall into this category as well), I know what she likes to wear.

Perhaps I could provide some insights to help you create your collection for next season?   I know that your heart is in the right place and you want women to look and feel beautiful but, oh dear, have you tried your designs on women over 40 who might have a few extra pounds floating around here or there and are probably more often closer to 5’4” than 5’9”?

Your goal, I’m certain, is to sell all your designs and not have them end up on the end-of-season sales rack or a consignment store with the tags still on them.  The problem is that there is a slight (and sometimes not so slight) disconnect between what we see in the stores and what is actually wearable by anyone with a little maturity.

I know you didn’t ask me but I also know from watching ‘Project Runway’ that you encourage constructive criticism, so I hope you will take this all in the kind and supportive manner in which it is given.

First of all, what I love about you:

• Thank you for making your designs for plus size and petite women. While some stores have misguidedly eliminated these departments, for those who still support them, it is wonderful to see beautiful garments for women who don’t wear the traditional sizes 2-14.
• Thank you for giving us a variety of skirt lengths, shoes with heels of varying heights and widths, and every imaginable boot style! There is something for everyone and that allows women to express their personality with comfort.
• The new version of the cowl neckline is great – very flattering and stays in place better so we don’t have to fuss with it like we did back in the 1980’s.  Definitely new and improved!
• Thank you for bringing scarves back. It’s amazing how one piece of fabric can add so much beauty, warmth and personality!

I would also like to share a few thoughts of things that women need that seem to be missing from the choices of late:

• Fabrics With Substance. This is probably the most important request of all.  That paper thin, stretchy fabric that so many shell/tank tops and t-shirts are made out of has got to go away…soon!  It is unflattering on 90% of the women who wear it (even young women), because it shows every little lump and bump even on women size 2!  It is so frustrating to find something in the perfect style and color to complete an outfit only to find out that the fabric is dreadful (and that is not an overstatement).
• Bring Brown Back. You promised!  I heard that brown was going to be a staple again this Fall but it’s not really in the stores yet.  Yes, there is some but it’s a warm chocolaty brown that only looks good on some women (like redheads, for instance).  We need more of the basic dark, dark brown that works on so many people.  (Oh, and in case you are wondering…no, black does not look good on everyone…and this becomes even more obvious once we get past of the age of 40.)
• More Jackets…Please. It makes getting dressed a little frustrating when you hyper-focus on one particular style to the exclusion of all else.  Case in point…this season’s long cardigans.  They are a great addition but do we really need 40 million of them (only a slight exaggeration, I think!).  What happens is that there’s no room left for interesting jackets for women who enjoy wearing them or need to dress professionally for work.  (And, please…we don’t need any more black or gray jackets unless, perhaps, they have super interesting details but even then there are thousands of other colors to consider!  Let’s take a risk and add some beautiful colors.  I think you’ll be pleasantly surprised).
• Taking Dresses to the Next Level. Yay for dresses with sleeves.  You have no idea how exciting this is after all these years to be able to buy a dress with sleeves.  Believe me, when it’s literally freezing outside, a sleeveless dress just doesn’t cut it.  So, two quick things about dresses.
  • When you do make sleeveless ones (there are still plenty of them out there), could you please make some short cardigan sweaters in pretty colors (enough with the black already!) to go over them.  Sure, the 20-something crowd can look trendy and cool in a long cardigan over a dress but for the rest of us, we just look and feel frumpy!
  • And, lastly, not every woman wants to (or can) wear a dress that is body hugging.  Many who have curvy hips and thighs look better with a slight A-line (no gathers at the waist, please).  They were here in abundance a season or two ago, and we loved them.  Pretty please, could we have more of these again?

These are just a few of our major requests for now.  I want to thank you in advance for considering these ideas.  If you think I am overstating this, please know that 90% of the women who get in touch with me say they can’t find anything they like out there to wear.  Sure, sometimes it’s because they need some expert guidance but sometimes it’s because the choices are limited.  I just know that together that we can remedy this, and women over 40 everywhere will thank you!

Thank you again.  Feel free to get in touch with me anytime!

With beauty, style & grace,
Ginger

This summer I was shopping at Nordstrom Rack and came across an Alberto Makali top that caught my eye. The colors were beautiful and the design was sparkly, ethereal and just plain pretty! But I hesitated…just for a split second, but I made note of the hesitation.

My momentary uncertainty intrigued me. What was keeping me from running right into the dressing room to try it on (although I did ultimately do that)? Was I limiting my options or was it really not me?

Have you done the same thing? Have you admired something or been even mildly captivated by something but just walked on by – determining from past experience or some nebulous fashion rules you think you remember hearing somewhere that it isn’t right: women over 40 shouldn’t wear it, horizontal stripes are a no-no, or anyone with hips needs to stay way far away from that style… (you get the idea)?

Here’s something to ponder: There’s a fine line between “knowing” yourself (for instance, feeling genuinely confident that harem pants are not for you) and ‘limiting’ yourself, and your style when it’s not necessary.

Many women pigeon hole themselves into a prescribed way of dressing and thereby limit their options and often squelch their sense of delight. Their wardrobe becomes functional and one-dimensional — devoid of any personal style and their boredom level escalates.

What is at the root of a one-dimensional wardrobe?

• For some it is a fear of stepping out and being noticed as opposed to blending in or trying to disappear.
• Some worry they will make a fashion mistake and look silly. It’s understandable that someone would rather look and feel boring than silly, but it is rare that most women will push the envelope to the point of looking silly. Their worry is generally unnecessary. Unfortunately, anything outside the norm of what they usually wear feels so foreign that they lose perspective on whether it’s trendy, fashionable, cutting edge or none of the above. As a result, tried and true (or not so true but at least safe) wins out.
• And some women are so bound and determined to “find their style” that they hyper focus on certain designs to the exclusion of all else – “knowing” that they can’t wear those things – although not always knowing where that knowing came from (and it has often been received second or third hand at best).
• Still others try really hard but can’t quite seem to figure out how to make it all work and give up from sheer overwhelm and frustration.

I hear this from women all the time. “I can’t wear that,” or, “That doesn’t work on my body,” or, “I’ve tried that before, and it just doesn’t look good.”

Sure, sometimes it’s true but honestly, more often than not it is a self-imposed fashion rule. And, most fashion rules have an exception from time to time.

The next step is: How do you move into a wardrobe that has more personality and dimension without it feeling overwhelming or making lots of expensive mistakes?

Let me go back to the Alberto Makali top I eyed. I was intrigued enough to try it on. Sure, in general I am not the bohemian type but I also know that it’s all about how you interpret any given style, bohemian included.

The top is beautiful! I did buy it.

• It fit me perfectly.
• The colors are beautiful and great on me.
• The top has that ethereal, slightly bohemian quality but in an exquisite, elegantly beautiful way.
• I wear it with more structured pants to keep me from feeling swallowed up by too much airy fabric.
• I wear it when my mood (and the temperature) is more relaxed, sultry and quiet.
• And, I got it at Nordstrom Rack so if I had made a mistake (better to make an occasional mistake than feel restricted by too many self-imposed rules), it would not have been an expensive one.

How can you translate this experience for yourself?

• Pay attention to what catches your eye. It never hurts to try something on. The worst case scenario is that it looks terrible or doesn’t fit right (and can’t be tailored) and you take it off and put it back on the rack. No harm done and often something valuable learned.
• Complete the outfit before you decide. Tossing something on with a pair of sweat pants or sneakers and a skirt will not help you visualize (unless you’re very good at it!) whether the garment has potential. Try to complete the outfit as closely as possible in the dressing room to give you as much of an idea of how it will look finished as possible.
• Listen to your heart and be practical all at the same time. Always imagine where you’ll wear the garment and how it will fit into your wardrobe and lifestyle. AND, if it is something you absolutely love, be adventurous. Hey, although mostly I wear the Alberto Makali top casually and socially, I might choose to wear it to a picnic or baseball game (not that I went to either this summer) if I felt inspired to and it made me feel good – who says I can’t!

Each of us has different parts to our personalities and part of the fun of getting dressed is not only liking the way we look (of course) but also expressing each part of our personality that desires to be expressed in a heart-felt, authentic way. Sure, there are parameters determined by your body type, your age (sometimes), and the particular occasion, but you get to put the spin on how you express your own individuality. Don’t let yourself get stuck in a rut or a hard and fast prescribed way of dressing. Exploring is part of what keeps it all interesting and fun!

The Fall shopping season is my favorite.  The colors are beautiful and everything looks so cozy.  For the most part, I have to say that this season is shaping up nicely (of course, it is still early but I’m hopeful it will stay that way and get even better as the months pass).

Brown is back (a huge yay!) – although it is still only dribbling into the stores but that should change as the weeks pass.  Stacked heels are giving women the lift without the wobbly feeling.  And, there’s more!

That’s what this special seasonal update is all about.  I’ll share with you what I love and what I don’t in my Fall 2011 “Bewitched, Bothered & Bewildered” Fashion report.  Enjoy!

Bewitched

Color: Bright, bold and rich colors are in.  It’s a delicious time of year!  Orange (we’ll come back to this), cobalt blue, red (yes, it’s a tribute to vampires and blood), magenta, Forest colors (sage, hunter, jade, teal).  Brown is back…thankfully!  And, camel takes on more of a rust tone.

Let’s talk about red for a minute.  They are touting it everywhere as THE color of the season, but I just spent an entire day in Lord & Taylor in New York City with a client who really wanted to wear red and could we find any at all?  Nope!  Not one piece.  So, perhaps it is planning to be fashionably late but don’t get too excited about it yet.

All of this is good except the focus on orange (it’s not a great color for a lot of people although those of us who can wear it are happy!) and the camel moving closer to rust is not fabulous.  Again, those with super duper warm tones in their skin will be ecstatic.  Everyone else will have to admire it from afar!

Dresses & Skirts: There is a lot going on here – every imaginable length is in.  Work dresses (with sleeves…hallelujah!) are hot.  Midi’s (that hit mid-calf) are the newest (albeit tricky) addition.  If it hits you at the widest part of your calf it will make your legs look heavy, so be careful.  Maxi dresses are all the rage but they can overwhelm you in a heartbeat and can look a little goth.  Go ahead and try them but don’t feel badly about leaving them on the rack.

Stacked Heels (including loafers): This trend will make many women’s hearts sing.  What’s most lovely about this is that every heel width is still available so for those for whom stacked heels are too clunky, you can still find slimmer heels, wedges and flats.   For those who have been longing to wear heels but don’t like teetering on stilts, these will be a blessing.  The loafer look (some are even platforms!) could be a bit over the top but some will embrace it and carry it off just great.  It can be a fun look with pants.

Shimmer for Day: One of my favorites!  When the weather gets cold and dreary, wearing something with a little shimmer or sparkle can be a great pick-me-up.  Here’s a great example to wear under a casual sweater or a jacket: http://shop.nordstrom.com/s/lauren-by-ralph-lauren-sleeveless-metallic-jersey-top/3191392?origin=keywordsearch&resultback=5934

Plaid: Once again, plaid is big for Fall.  Like most prints, a little goes a long way so if you like it wear it sparingly and be sure the basic colors in it look good on you.  If you just want to experiment, a scarf is a great way to add a touch of it without going overboard: http://www.zappos.com/echo-design-embroidered-plaid-olive

Capes: Capes are pretty but often fairly impractical – at least here in the northeast where there are usually about 10 days when the weather is just right for you to wear them.  But, if you like that Jane Eyre kind of feeling, have fun with it.  Here’s a beautiful short cape (that is also cruelty-free!): http://shop.nordstrom.com/S/via-spiga-asymmetrical-cape/3176405?origin=related-3176405-60133843-0-1-1

Bothered

Bright Pants: Oh, dear, I had a little 1980’s déjà vu.  Bright red jeans are everywhere.  With rare exceptions (most of which are on the very young) they are tricky.  You really have to know what you are doing and have the personality to pull it off.  Eager to try them?  Get one pair and see what you think (and if you wear them or they sit in your closet looking tempting but never actually make it on your body!).  If you aren’t sure, I’d say skip it.

Feathers in your hair: This is a hugely cruel new fashion trend.  Those long feather extensions sported by celebrities like Mylie Cyrus and Hillary Duff come from live roosters.  They are not fake.  It is bad enough that the roosters are raised so their feathers can be used as fishing lures in fly-fishing but to be a fashion trend has caused the demand to escalate and more roosters are suffering.  Please say no to such a cruel and unnecessary trend. Click here to read more.

Choker Necklaces: These remind me of a prom outfit gone wrong.  Occasionally they can look sweet but mostly not.  And, if you have any softness in the neck area, they will only draw attention to it.  Not to mention that the proportions are totally unbalanced.   There are plenty of other beautiful necklace trends and lengths to experiment with (including long pendants).  I suggest leaving this one alone.

Silky pants: With rare exceptions these will look like you are wearing your pajamas.  They are great for lounging around the house or for celebrities who are super trendy, but otherwise save your money for a style more lasting and flattering.

Sky High Platforms: So what’s up (so to speak) with this crazy trend.  Women are falling (yes, they are!) and teetering unattractively on platforms so high that we fear for their lives.  It is hard to walk gracefully in a shoe like this!  Yes, I think platforms are great fun but when women’s lives (and ankles) are at risk or they walk funny, then what’s the point?

Bewildered

Beehive Hairdo: I have often wondered if this style would ever make a comeback.  Well, it has and not only that but it has incorporated a twist that makes it even a little more eeeuw! – Imagine a “grunge beehive” and the image that brings up.  I’m sure a beehive hairdo can be done tastefully especially if it’s just for an evening out (although I still can’t imagine it’s good for your hair!) but when you add the grunge factor I think all hope is lost.

Mustard Hues: I thought yellow was challenging when that was all the rage for a few seasons but now they are taking it one step further from wearability – mustard!  Sure, there are a few people who look good in it but whereas at least bright yellow looks lively and fun, mustard just looks blah and a tad sickly on someone whose skin tone can’t handle it.  Unless you’re sure, skip it!

The Denim Shirt: Denim never seems to go out of style and that’s fine.  Now that we have a little stretch in denim I have my fair share.  But, when it comes to jean shirts and dresses, beware.  Most of them are made from a soft, lighter colored denim.  Unless you are sure this is a great color for you, I would walk on by.  Also, in most cases, it has a super casual, slightly rustic feel to it, so if that doesn’t fit with who you are or how you want to express your style, again, leave it on the racks.

The shopping season is in full swing and there is a lot to celebrate out there, and, as always, the styles will shift and evolve as the season moves along. Right now, for instance, there are not many jackets for women to wear to work (although there are plenty of suits), while there are lots of long cardigan sweaters.  They can be great for business casual but it’s nice to have the option of a fabulous jacket or two…I suspect we’ll see more of those in the next month.

Have fun exploring.  You’ll see lace, peplums and polka dots throughout the season as well – all fun trends for the right person.  If shopping sometimes feels overwhelming, take this guide with you for a little moral support!

Plan to shop now and again in October, and you’ll round out your wardrobe for the approaching winter.  Mostly, have fun and listen to your inner voice as it guides you to styles that look and feel fabulous!

What did you learn about yourself from part 1 where we discussed how living with a wardrobe you don’t love undermines your spirit, sacrifices your dreams and wastes your time? What are your hidden costs of having an uninspired wardrobe?

Keep those notes handy because now we are going to talk about how you start to create a wardrobe and personal style you love. (If you missed Part 1, here’s the link)

The truth is that this is a journey…a life-long experience. It isn’t something you do once and then it’s done forever. Yes, creating a personal style you love means paying attention, but first and foremost it means making some changes if you don’t already have a wardrobe you adore. The only way you lose is if you give up!

So, here are 3 steps to help you make changes now:

1. Organize your existing wardrobe. Okay, before you panic and say that’s worse than shopping, I’m here to help. My new FREE e-course (which you can get by subscribing to my Nurturing Beauty Publication) is now available and will take you step by step (baby steps, really!) through this cleansing and uplifting (yes, it will be uplifting) journey. Please promise you won’t skip this step before going on to the next one. This step is first for a reason. Trying to create a personal style you love while your closet is filled with stuff that doesn’t serve you will only lead to frustration and discouragement – I’ve seen it happen many times (and have done it myself!).
2. Identify one element missing from your wardrobe. Please resist the temptation to make a list the size of the phone book of things that are missing from your wardrobe. That will only overwhelm you and keep you from moving forward. Choose just one for now.
   • Let’s say it’s shoes. I know there’s a good chance there are lots of reasons you don’t have the shoes you need (wide feet, can’t wear heels, bunions, long, narrow feet, wear orthotics, etc.). Don’t go there. Focus on what you do want, e.g., pretty basic shoes to go with pants, a charming pair of shoes to go with a skirt…or whatever will make you happy). Then…
   • People watch. See what shoes other women are wearing. Look for ones you like that you think might fit your requirements. (Don’t take time to bemoan about what won’t work for you. Keep your focus on what you do want.) When you see someone wearing a pair of shoes you like, stop her. Tell her you love her shoes and was wondering where she got them. I bet she’ll be delighted you noticed and will be happy to share.
   • Shop somewhere new. So many people get stuck shopping at the same place over and over. If you don’t like the results, it’s time to find some new places to shop. Even if you think you’ve tried everywhere, keep looking. There are always new places popping up and stores that seem to be the world’s best-kept secrets. If you are open to finding them they will appear. I’ve seen it happen over and over.(Do the same thing if your critical need is a new haircut, a dress for a wedding, bathing suit or even basic black pants – whatever your critical need is. There’s always an answer.)
3. Keep it positive. If you go shopping with the attitude that there are no shoes out there that fit you…that your feet are impossible and everything hurts…all the good shoes are too expensive…guess what you’ll find! Yup, you guessed it – you’ll get exactly what you expect. Start to change all that now (and don’t beat yourself up if you fall back into old habits or don’t at first succeed…just keep going).If your experience has been one way for a long time, just congratulate yourself on every little success (no matter how small) along the way. It will pay off in the end. So, picture yourself wearing the most beautiful pair of shoes (don’t get hung up on the specifics – go with the feeling), or perfectly fitting black pants or whatever you are looking. Keep this picture and feeling front and center as you shop.

Bonus: Only buy and wear something if you love it and think it is beautiful. There are no exceptions. This is your opportunity to bring beauty back (if it has been missing) to your wardrobe and style.

Be diligent in following these steps, and you will see a difference.

Little successes add up to big successes. Keep this concept in mind when you are feeling frustrated. Whatever you do, don’t give up! Support is always available.

This is a very important topic, and I recommend highly that you go back and read this more than once. We all need little reminders that we can have what we want. By understanding that you deserve it and by taking these baby steps, I promise you can feel great about the way you look.

If having a wardrobe and personal style you love seems elusive at best and time consuming and frustrating at worst, use these steps to help keep you focused and motivated, and celebrate each little success along the way!