Nurturing Beauty Style Secrets Blog

The long, cold, colorless winter is upon us here in the northeast, and once the holidays are over we’ll settle in for several months of dreariness (can you tell I just love the winter!). Being cold is not one of my favorite things and yet finding warm, cozy clothes and accessories that are also fun and stylish can be a wee bit of a challenge, to say the least…especially once January comes around and the stores start to think about spring!

So, I scour the stores and internet looking for things to bring light and joy to any woman’s wardrobe, and I am, of course, more than happy to share my special finds.

Here are 5 items that I feel are pretty, refreshing or just downright adorable for you or as a holiday gift…

Warmth & Style All In One! I don’t wear many turtlenecks these days (a softening jawline and all that…) so I’ve taken to adding beautiful scarves to my wardrobe. There are lots of them out there but this one just caught my eye because the color is stunning and will look good on many women. (Coral scarf featured at right. Click here for shopping info) and this one looks cozy and again the burgundy color will look good on many women (Burgundy scarf featured at right. Click here for shopping info).

Give Your ‘Functional’ Accessories a Lift! Add some cheer to your outfit with a handbag in a gorgeous color. In addition to being pretty to look at (coming in red, green, black and silver), practical and timeless, it is also vegan and cruelty-free (Click here for shopping info).

And, as an extra bonus you can use the coupon code ‘Ginger’ through the end of the year and receive $200 discount on any handbag in their collection. I have a Jill Milan bag, and it’s totally elegant.

Big, Bold & Beautiful! Cocktail rings are all the rage right now, and they are fabulous! I have to admit it is one accessory I don’t wear (most look way too oversized on me), but if I did, this is one that I think is elegant, and unusual (Click here for shopping info).

Those of you who have been shopping with me at Jewelry by Karel know how much pizzazz a cocktail ring can add to an outfit, and she has a great selection at great prices. Whether you spend a little (you can find very fun, inexpensive ones on www.etsy.com) or a lot is up to you. It’s a fun way to add a little razzle-dazzle to your holidays.

Pretty PJ’s! I am constantly on the prowl for pretty, feminine, cozy sleepwear. So much of it out there is either dowdy, purely functional or skimpy (for me that means too short) and I’d freeze! I found a fun selection at Soma (Click here for shopping info).

Soothing Comfort All Winter! Historically, winter is a time to hibernate a bit, reflect and relax (yeah, right, you say!). Well, any little bit helps, for sure. That’s why I created this delicious essential oil blend of lavender, geranium and ylang ylang.

Use it as a massage oil or countless other ways (I include a list of suggestions for how to use it with each purchase). (Click here for shopping info).

Yes, the winter is long, but please don’t become just another body dressed in gray or black trudging through the winter months…biding your time until spring. Bring light, joy and delight to your wardrobe now! These are just a few ways to do that.

Feel free to share any juicy, sparkly, fun items you’ve found during your holiday shopping sprees. Let’s help each other celebrate beauty throughout the next few months.

We are a society that is obsessed with being young. Our culture revolves around it. The media glorifies it. And, our mirrors reflect it (or not!). And, with each passing day, it seems we become more and more aware of whether we are meeting or falling short of these arbitrary standards.

Whether you are fast approaching 30 or about to cross the 65-year mark doesn’t really matter. The issues change only slightly but the focus is the same – how to maintain a youthful appearance and healthy, energetic attitude. It’s a constant source of conversation among women as we compare notes and recognize body parts that are changing before our eyes. On the surface it’s a good thing. Staying youthful and enjoying life is good. But, the problem arises when we spend an inordinate amount of time assessing how we measure up or trying to hide or ignore the fact that we are getting older.

Hardly a week goes by that I do not have a regular conversation with friends and clients on this topic. Conventional society reveres youth, and the wisdom and natural beauty that come with aging are rarely given the respect they deserve (especially for women). In most of these conversations, the discussion usually comes down to how do you age gracefully. Does it mean accepting without reservation all that comes with getting older? Do you have to buy into the growing market of cosmetic surgeries and additional “beauty” treatments in order to look in the mirror and feel youthful? If not, how do you compete (and by that I mean feel comfortable with who you are) when the standard of youthful aging is constantly been raised?

We have all seen celebrities who have taken their quest for youth to an extreme with a seemingly endless series of cosmetic surgeries that result in a taut, pursed, unnatural look. Some women have gone to the other extreme and relinquish all effort to feel good about how they look because they feel like it’s a losing battle.

Wrinkles, sagging skin, shifting weight and gray hair make us aware of time passing and are seen as unfortunate by-products of getting older. And, guess what! Whether we embrace it or dread it, no amount of lotions, potions, praying, exercise, good genes or plastic surgery can keep it at bay forever. So, for those of us who fall somewhere in the middle, how do we make choices that make us happy? And, most importantly, how do you make peace with the aging process without losing yourself completely as in the extremes above?

Getting Perspective:

When you think back to when you were a child or teenager, what were the older women in your family like? I remember a friend’s mother putting cold cream on her face at night because that was the only “anti-aging” product available. One of my aunts, who looked exactly like the Queen of England for as long as I can remember, wore no makeup, let her hair go gray and adjusted her dress size as her weight shifted. She offered no apologies and had seemingly little or no angst associated with it. Few older women dyed their hair (at least in my town), no one whitened their teeth (was that even invented then?) and if someone had plastic surgery it was very hush-hush and you could barely tell. To be honest, I don’t remember anyone having had it done in my town.

I can’t say all of these women eagerly embraced the aging experience but they certainly were not grasping at youth, and there was no encouragement to do so that I know of. Maybe it was easier then or maybe not. Perhaps they felt discouraged or resigned to wrinkles and sagging skin, but there was not the pressure to do something about it.

Actually, in all my wondering I decided to call my mom and ask her if my memory served me well. She didn’t hesitate a second before sharing that, “In my 30’s and 40’s I didn’t go around with a group that worried about whether our chins sagged. We didn’t talk about getting older. We were a happy group and content with ourselves.”

What a gift! While I’m sure women today can be happy with themselves they are still bucking the current of pressure to address every line and age spot that appears, and the standards are certainly different today than they were 30 or 40 years ago. When you see celebrities who are 60 or 70 looking 40 or 50 (or at least trying to) it’s hard not to consider how we, personally, measure up.

My mom added that, “We weren’t comparing ourselves to each other or to movie stars. It’s not that we didn’t care how we looked. We were all about fashion and loved getting dressed up (we’d each buy 2 dresses before going to a party because we weren’t sure which one we wanted to wear) and loved having our hair done. But, we didn’t notice wrinkles even when they came, and we didn’t feel old. There wasn’t the pressure there is today to have everything fixed.”

As we talked I found myself wishing that we could turn back the clock. These days it seems we have to make a conscious decision to be okay with how we look rather than have it just be a non-issue. And, it would be nice to have the playing field leveled again. Right now, there’s an unattainable standard of beauty for women over age 50 (and often much younger) that bears no resemblance to how we age naturally. So, even if you’ve taken good care of yourself all of your life you cannot compete with women who are having multiple treatments done. So, what do you do?

If you take my mom’s advice, she’ll tell you to “go with the flow and you’ll have fewer worries and won’t wrinkle so fast.” There’s definitely truth to that statement. But, what do you do when you’re already worried and wondering how to keep up?

Tips for Embracing the Aging Process

Since we can’t turn back the clock to a time when there was less focus on not aging, and we can’t erase the awareness from our consciousness, here are a few tips I use to keep me feeling good most of the time.

1. Don’t worry…be happy – Okay, so it sounds silly but I’ve watched friends age before my eyes when they’ve been under an inordinate amount of stress. Stress causes blood flow to your skin to be restricted, it makes you frown more and it can cause inflammation. None of this makes you feel beautiful or relaxed. And, over time, these internal stress responses will have long-term negative impact on your skin and your entire body. Regular meditation, exercise, fun distractions or positive affirmations can all contribute to a happier feeling and positive energy. Yes, it takes effort and focus to move away from stressful situations but the results are worth it in the end on many levels.
2. Focus on your health – Take it from someone who knows. When you don’t feel well you don’t feel happy or beautiful. Protect your health. Eat well, avoid toxins, exercise, sleep and play. While it’s not always easy to do these things, the effects of uncontrolled stress, are not fun or pretty.
3. Banish your magnifying mirrors – I understand that sometimes they are necessary for applying eye makeup but if so, stick to that and then put them away. Don’t spend time examining and critiquing your face through a 5- or 10-magnitude mirror. Yikes! Everyone on the planet can find something to obsess about in one of those. And, while we’re on the topic of mirrors, try to avoid mirrors that have overhead lighting. They make everyone look tired and old.
4. Always wear your best colors – This one probably should be first! In fact, during my conversation with my mom and without any prompting from me, she told a story about a friend who is now in her mid-80’s. Every time she sees this woman she is dressed nicely and is wearing beautiful colors that make her glow. This is true at any age and even more important as we get older. Sure, you might have to hold out a bit to find your best colors in the stores, but it’s worth the wait to look radiant and beautiful all of your life. (And, your colors do not stay the same throughout your life. If it has been more than 10 years since you’ve had a color analysis done (or your hair color has changed), it’s time to do it again.)
5. Smile – This is my new way of coping. I don’t see the lines around my lips or the softening of my jaw when I smile so I take every opportunity to do so. See…I made you smile!
6. Do what makes you feel good – If you look in the mirror and all you can see is dark spots on your face or lines around your lips and it’s that all-consuming, find out what your options are to soften those concerns. There’s no right or wrong way to address your experience with aging. When it comes to making choices about feeling youthful, only you can decide for yourself.

So, take a good look in the mirror and what do you see? Look past the lines, spots or gray hairs (if they bother you) and identify what it means to be the age you are. Perhaps make a list of what makes you happy and what doesn’t. Start by focusing more on what you feel good about. Then, choose one thing that is pestering you about getting older, and find out what you can do to ease that discomfort. Maybe a good first step is to whiten your teeth, get a new haircut or buy a top in a gorgeous color instead of black. If plastic surgery or a non-invasive skin treatment is the answer, then get a referral from a trusted source, and check it out. Or, the next time you have tea with friends encourage them to talk about what they love about themselves rather than what is making them feel old. Lighten the energy and help each other see how beautiful you are at whatever age you are now. We thrive on this kind of connection and need to create our own support network when the media and society ignore or harass us. Don’t buy into their youth-crazed messages.

Will there still be days when we wish we had firm knees again, a tiny waist or our natural colored hair? Sure. But even if it means lengthening your dresses a bit or buying a top that skims your waist instead of accentuating it or finding out what colors make your gray or colored hair look amazing, you can look and feel great now. This is your personal journey. It is worth it to find out how to make peace with aging gracefully so you can enjoy every step along the way!

Be honest. Do you look in your closet and think, “Wow…I really need clothes. I have nothing to wear!” You stand there in dismay trying to figure out what to do next and then, you hear it — the voices that bombard you with a list of excuses as to why you can’t or won’t get new clothes any time soon. So, you nod your head, shut the door and go about your day. Until the next day, when you repeat the same scenario.

Admit it. There’s a sense of relief when you hear the reasons why you can’t go shopping. You don’t really want to do it anyway and having what feels like a valid excuse lets you stop worrying about it…at least for the moment. Instead you resign yourself to the daily stress of getting dressed and the familiar sense of longing for clothes that make you happy. You figure that some day the timing will be right but not now.

It’s no wonder you don’t love shopping for clothes. You spend time you don’t have wandering around the stores that feel too big and leave with things you don’t love but that will suffice. After all that, you go home worn out. No feeling of excitement or anticipation of having new things to wear. You’re just glad it’s over.

Phew! It’s completely understandable why you wouldn’t want to repeat that experience anytime soon!

What’s your favorite excuse? Do you tell yourself you’ll shop when:

• You have more time
• You have more money
• The stores have better choices
• You lose weight

At the time reasons feel legitimate. The problem is that they are open-ended – you can go on forever like that. If you dislike shopping or you don’t feel like you deserve a good wardrobe, then there’s always something else that will come along to take up your time and money.

So, what’s the answer?

“You must become a priority on your to-do list. And somehow it has to become a more enticing and rewarding experience or it is easy to keep putting it off.

What’s behind each of these excuses? Fear.

• Fear that you’ll waste time and come home with nothing worthwhile to show for it.
• Fear that you’ll waste money on things you’ll never wear. (Often this piggy backs an overriding belief that you have to spend a lot of money in order to have a great wardrobe (you don’t!))
• Fear that you’ll discover they don’t make clothes anymore that look good on you.
• Fear that you’ll buy new clothes and then lose weight and have to buy more new clothes, or
• Fear that you’ll buy clothes for your current (undesirable) weight and then you’ll feel complacent and not lose the weight you want to lose.

It’s not surprising that you’d rather stay with what’s familiar even if it’s uncomfortable than take a step that stirs up a whole bunch of new feelings that support your deepest fears.

So, now what? How do you get out of your rut and make this a happy experience rather than one that makes you feel even worse than your current limiting wardrobe?

Let’s address some of your underlying fears and then identify steps you can take to move in the direction you want to. Your past experiences are valid which is why you are reading this and looking for guidance. You want to move forward. This also says that you are willing to make some changes and take a step even if it feels uncomfortable or a bit scary.

• Time: If you’d rather have a root canal than go clothes shopping you’ll never set aside the time to do it until you’re in pain, i.e., you don’t have anything left to wear or you need something for an event and you must shop. Shopping when you are desperate is never a good use of your time and can severely deplete your energy. Nine times out of ten it just reinforces the fear (sometimes all of them!) and makes you even more reticent to shop again before you have to, setting you up for a vicious cycle of shopping only when you’re desperate.
• Money: Let me dispel this fear right up front. Sure, it would be wonderful to have an unlimited clothing budget, but to be honest, very few women have that luxury. In fact, it’s important to know what your budget is (no matter how big or small) so you spend it wisely. Nor do you have to shop at the ritziest stores in order to have a great wardrobe. You can find great clothes at any price point. I have things in my closet that I’ve found at thrift stores, consignment stores, off-price stores, department stores and boutiques. You name it, I’ve found clothes there. If you know how to make good choices then you can shop anywhere (I know. I know. This is why you haven’t been shopping – because you don’t know how to make good choices — but we’ll get to that).

One thing I need to point out is that bargain shopping sometimes takes more time and energy because thrift stores, consignment stores and off-price stores are often more hit or miss, and you have to filter through more racks than department stores or a boutique that you know carry lines of clothing that work for you. But, when you know what you’re looking for it gets easier and quicker either to find things or leave empty handed but satisfied you didn’t buy something just to buy something.

• Better Choices: Wouldn’t it would feel so much easier if fashion would just stay the same for a while? Maybe, maybe not. The reality is that styles change, trends change, and your body changes…sometimes even your lifestyle changes, so your wardrobe is constantly evolving (whether you want it to or not!). There are always new choices to be made and understanding how to make them for your body, lifestyle and personality is key.
• Weight: This is by far the #1 reason women don’t shop when they need to. Whether your body has shifted due to having children, going through menopause, health-related issues, or just getting older, its easy to mourn the days when it used to feel easier to get dressed (if that ever was true for you – for some women it was never easy and they just get worn out as the years go by), or, you just feel frustrated by the fact that you have a closet full of clothes that fit you at a different weight, and you can’t wear any of them now.

Whatever your weight is, you deserve to feel good right now. If your weight has changed, it doesn’t mean you have to go spend tons of money or buy massive amounts of clothes at your current weight if you are expecting it to change again. But you do need to have clothes you feel good in now. Focus on basic colors and garments you can mix and match to leverage your purchases and then add accessories to bring in personality. This will serve you much better than berating yourself for gaining weight or putting pressure on yourself to lose the weight. Good self-care and kindness to yourself will ease the experience and help you achieve your goal with less angst.

All of your reasons for not shopping are valid, but the good news is that they don’t have to keep you stuck forever.

• Set aside some time. If you’re used to dashing in to Kohls 20 minutes before you have to pick the kids up at school, then you’re setting yourself up for stress and frustration. Schedule in at least 90 minutes to shop. Put it in your calendar or you’ll never do it. No matter what your schedule is you can find it somewhere if you really want to even if you schedule it a month out.
• Shop with a plan. Have a list of priorities with you. Maybe you need new jeans and a winter coat. Or, a dress for a special occasion and a fun clutch. Even if your wardrobe needs a total overhaul do not go in as a blank slate with an open-ended list. You’ll be overwhelmed in a matter of seconds.
• Always look for your best colors first. Scan the racks, see what colors (your most flattering colors, of course) call out to you and start there. It immediately limits the number of options you have and makes it easier and quicker to shop. If you’re looking for a dress, for instance, in your shades of green, teal or purple and all you see is gray and orange, then you’re done. On to the next item on your list or to the next store. Don’t try to make something work just because you’re there. That’s how wardrobes get out of control!
• Be willing to try on new styles. Sure, some garments will make you roll your eyes and wonder what genius designer thought “that” look was a good idea, but there are always new options hiding on the racks just waiting for you to try them on. And, do not leave the store without trying things on – unless you really will return everything that doesn’t work before their return policy expires (I’ve seen too many closets full of clothes with tags on them), and even then I don’t recommend it. You’re less likely to take something that’s new and different (and potentially won’t work) home than you would be to bring it into the dressing room and leave it behind if it’s not right.
• Be willing to use a tailor. So many women have said to me, I’m petite so I shouldn’t have to hem petite pants. My response…why not? A petite woman can be 4’11” or 5’4”. I’ve even shopped with women who are taller and have long torsos in comparison to their legs and petite pants fit them well. That’s a wide range and no way you can expect one length to cover everyone. And, that’s just pants. Other alterations often need to be done so allow for this cost when you buy something or else don’t buy it (and in that case you can expect your choices to be considerably limited). This is true for everyone, not just petite women. Find a great tailor and you open up a whole new world of options.
• Complete the outfit as much as possible in the dressing room. You’ve heard me say this before, and I’m happy to say it again and again. You can’t try on a pretty dress with clunky sneakers and socks on. Most likely (I know this is true for me), you’ll feel dumpy and you’ll dislike the dress immediately without giving it a fair assessment. In this case, if you’re shopping for a dress, bring a pair of shoes with you that you’d wear with it just so you can get an idea of what it would look like finished (at the very least, take off your socks!). If you are trying on a pair of skinny jeans (and women of all sizes and shapes can wear them so don’t think they are just for tall, thin women), you’ll want to have a jacket or sweater that covers your butt and maybe even a pair of tall boots to get the full effect. It’s too easy to dismiss something when you can’t see the final look.
• Ask for help. If the next several months pass and you still haven’t gone shopping, you might need a jumpstart. Many of my clients shop with me two or three times a year so they can get it done as efficiently and productively (and with as much fun) as possible. They know they don’t like to shop by themselves or it takes too long or they make too many mistakes so having support makes it all a thousand times easier and then they don’t have to think about it again until the next time we shop. There is no embarrassment in needing help. In fact, it’s a sign of strength and honoring yourself (believe me, I’ve done it in other areas of my life and am thankful I have). Not everyone loves the experience of shopping but everyone deserves the experience of looking great every day!

So, what are you waiting for? Please don’t just turn the page and say yeah, yeah, I’ll get to it soon. Make a commitment now. Get out your calendar and schedule a time to shop. Start making a list of what you need – just 1-3 things. Start visualizing the experience being fun and easy and stick to the date. Make that commitment to yourself and your personal self-care. Each step you take is one more step towards having a wardrobe you love. Do it now!

One night, as I was sitting in a hotel room in New York City I suddenly had a startling thought, “I think I forgot to renew my driver’s license!” I jumped off the bed and ran to my wallet and sure enough, it had expired 3 weeks earlier. It had totally slipped my mind! Of course, there wasn’t anything I could do at the time. It would have to wait until Monday, but being a law-abiding citizen and someone who prides herself on remembering details and dates, I was very upset and disconcerted. Now I had to go through an entire weekend with an expired license.

At first my mind went to the inconvenience and seemingly certain unpleasantness of it all. We all have stories to tell of long, endless lines at the Registry of Motor Vehicles and rude staff. Although I chose to think positively about it and was picturing a smooth resolution to this, you can imagine how I felt when I arrived at the registry 10 minutes before they opened only to find 100 (yes, 100!) people in line ahead of me. I had momentary visions of being there all day.

That was not to be the case. Dare I say it? The registry in Revere, Massachusetts is amazing. They are organized, efficient, and (yup!) friendly. They moved everyone along easily, didn’t yell at or penalize me for being late, and I was out of there in less than 40 minutes!

All of that aside, often one of the things we dread the most about renewing our license is having our picture taken. It’s not like you will have another opportunity in a few months to redo it if you don’t like it. You’re stuck with it for 5 years! So, five years ago and again last month I practiced my system for taking a pretty good picture for my license (for example, here’s my old picture).

Let me share a few tips for getting a license picture you like:

1. Prepare. Sure, you’re only going to the RMV to wait in line but you’ll be staring at the results of that experience for the next 5 years.

• Wear your best color and a flattering neckline (sometimes this will show and sometimes it won’t – as you can see from my two pictures)
• Wear great jewelry, especially earrings (a necklace will not always show in the picture but earrings will)
• If you wear makeup add a touch more since the flash will wash you out a bit.
• Make sure you spend a few extra minutes styling your hair. Sure, this might not be the photo you’ll put on your mantel or your website but it’s still a photo shoot of sorts.

2. Keep a positive attitude. Okay, so this seems a tad new agey for the simple task of taking a license picture but I’m a big believer that your final experience will take its cue from the energy of your expectations (I help women with this all the time when we go shopping!). Allow for the possibility that your new picture will be fabulous and you’ll have fun doing it (normally I wouldn’t say that about the RMV but my experience was good and you can have that, too!). If you’re feeling stressed it will show in your picture so enjoy it as much as you can.

3. Start smiling before you get in front of the camera. This is the most important one of all! They snap it pretty quickly so the minute they say – go stand over there, start smiling – with your eyes and your mouth.

4. Keep your neck elongated. I would recommend practicing this one in private first so it doesn’t seem so weird when you get there. This one might seem funny but if you tuck your chin back, it will give you double chins that will be noticeable in the picture. Instead (and this is good information for picture taking in general), if you bring your shoulders down and back and feel like your neck is nice and long (but don’t lift your chin unnaturally) you’ll see the difference. Another way of putting it is to feel like you are leaning in towards the camera. Okay, if this all feels too weird and contrived, skip it!

5. Wash, rinse and repeat. Ask to see the photo and if you don’t like it ask the attendant if s/he can take another one (they will). Sometimes just the thought that you can do it again helps you relax so the first picture comes out better. Or, it at least lets you get the bugs out for the second take.

Tada! My newest picture is the bottom picture at the right (trust me, if I went without following any of the tips above, this picture would look completely different):

As one client said, “The tips you gave me for having my driver’s license picture taken helped tremendously: start smiling as soon as you sit down (you’re right, they take that photo with very little notice), keep your neck elongated, and wear a great color. I’m going to print these out and save them for five years from now when I have to do it again!”

Of all the suggestions above, the most important is to smile! How many times have you seen someone’s driver’s license and they are grimacing or look super stressed out. An authentic smile goes a long way to softening everything and will help you smile the next time you pull out your license.

If all else fails you can ask them to keep your previous picture (if you like it) but you can only do this once every 9 years. I asked the woman if we could take the picture and if I didn’t like it could we keep the old one? She said, “Yes, but if you keep the old one you won’t be able to renew your license online in 5 years so I recommend taking a new one now.” Good advice! (If I had realized I could renew online I probably wouldn’t have forgotten in the first place!)

So, does this all seem over-the-top? Maybe. But what I like is that with a few minutes preparation I can have a picture I pretty much like for the next few years. If this seems silly, simply ignore it. I just like to share what I learn and hope it’s helpful to you, too!

Every time I poll groups of women to find out who likes to shop and who doesn’t, somewhere between one third and one half admit they hate it. If you add to that the number of women who like to shop but don’t have time to, the percentage soars to almost two-thirds! I have also found that love it or hate it many women are often frustrated by their shopping experience and rarely find shopping to be as efficient and productive as they’d like.

If any of this sounds familiar, check out these five common shopping mistakes to see if they ring a familiar bell. Print this out and take it with you on your next shopping trip. It can save you time, aggravation, and money! Cleaning up your shopping act can make all the difference in the world. Try it for yourself and see.

1. Avoid Shopping “Daze” — If you love to shop (and have the time!) then skip to #2 since this will not be an issue for you at all. This is mostly a concern for women whose eyes glaze over when they walk into a clothing store (as mine do in Home Depot!). Solution: Go with a list – a short list and stick to it so you can focus only on what you came into the store for. Sounds simple, but, as you know, it is easy to get distracted so write it down!

2. Play Dress Up…Adult Style — If I had a nickel for every time a woman told me that she can only find a dressy dress when she doesn’t need one, but when she goes shopping specifically for a dress (too often at the last minute!), it becomes an elusive purchase, I could retire (not that I want to, of course)! When it comes to dressy clothes (especially if you do not have any) buy something when you see it. It takes much longer for them to go out of style, and you’ll be thrilled the next time you are invited to an event and actually have something delicious to wear. As a bonus, the universe has been known to reward you with fun invitations just because you have a beautiful outfit ready and waiting. An example is the ruched empire dress pictured at the right.

(Click here for shopping information).

3. Put an End to Your Shopping S.O.S. (Same Old Stuff) — I have seen things that look downright hideous on the hanger look spectacular on a body and things that you’d think would be a sure thing on the hanger look dreadful when you try it on. Go figure! (This is especially true this season when the 80’s styles are back in full force! The dolman (a.k.a., batwing) sleeve is a perfect example. It’s everywhere and will look great on some of you and awful on others (especially those of you who are large chested or bigger on top than on bottom) AND it almost always looks terrible on the hanger.) If it calls to you and intrigues you, try it on! You can always (and must!) put it back on the rack if it doesn’t work, and you have spent nothing other than a couple of minutes of your time. If it does work, you will have something exciting and new to spice up your wardrobe. An example of a dolman sleeve is the knit top pictured at the right.

(Click here for shopping information).

4. Once More With Feeling — Have you ever gone shopping and left with bags of clothes but also with a nagging sense that something is missing…say, excitement/delight/joy over your new purchases? In this case, turn right around and return it all! You must love everything you buy and wear – no excuses, no arguments!

5. No If’s, And’s, or But(t)’s

It’s so easy to try to talk ourselves into or out of something but often our rationalizations will cause more aggravation, discouragement or frustration than anything else. So, if one of these sounds familiar, stop and take notice…

• “If I just lose 5 pounds/do more ab and butt exercises/hold my breath it will fit perfectly!”
• “If I just wear a little more blush and a different lipstick this beige blouse won’t make me look so washed out.”
• “But it’s so cute/such a good price/feels so comfy – I’m sure I can find something to wear with it.”

No, no, and no! Buy it and wear it only if it is wearable now.

Will every shopping trip be a raving success? Well, it depends on how you measure success. Sure, it would be great if each time you shopped you found exactly what you were looking for easily and could wear it the next day. But, that’s not always the case. Sometimes what you are looking for isn’t in that store at that particular time. Never buy something just to buy it (refer back to #4). At best it’s a hollow victory. Sure, you’ll have more clothes to add to your wardrobe but if they aren’t things you love wearing then what’s the point?

Keep these solutions handy so that every time you are tempted to stray you can refer back for moral support and guidance (writing them down is even better so they will be handy the next time you shop). Your wardrobe, psyche, and wallet will thank you.

Does one of these resonate with you? Has it kept you stuck? If more than one strikes a familiar chord, just choose one to focus on so you don’t get overwhelmed. I’d love to hear your successes, questions, and aha moments if you’d like to share them.

Have you ever walked around a store looking for something specific and thought, yikes, there’s nothing here I want to buy? You’ve checked every department and all the sales racks (more than once) and still nothing! You could go to another store but you’re running late for a meeting or to pick up the kids, and you’re feeling discouraged and tired anyway.

We’ve all been there, done that so don’t be too upset with yourself. The important thing is to learn from it and regroup.

The very first thing you’ll want to consider is if this has been a recurrent theme in your shopping history. If so, perhaps it is time to evaluate how little this supports you in creating a wardrobe you love (not to mention the drain on your self-esteem and psyche). Here are some suggestions to help you redirect your energy on those days when you’re having a frustrating shopping experience.

Do you need to:

1. Shop with more lead time. Be honest. Are your shopping expeditions generally initiated out of pure desperation (you have an event to go to tomorrow and you’ve been putting off looking for something to wear because you knew it would be an unpleasant and unrewarding experience, or your only pair of work shoes just bit the dust (you kept meaning to buy another pair but never got around to it and now you have nothing to wear for a special meeting)? Don’t berate yourself. Just chalk it up to experience, and do what you need to do to get through the situation. Most importantly, let this serve as a wake-up call (albeit a somewhat expensive one (both in terms of the money you spent on something you don’t love and your precious time you wasted) not to let it happen again. Keep reading…it will help.

2. Cut your losses. Don’t buy something you don’t love. Leave the store once you’ve determined you can’t find anything. Never settle for less. Desperation aside, you don’t want to fill your wardrobe with things that are okay, decent, functional or good enough. Nope. Never. You are better off wearing what you already have in your wardrobe that serves the purpose (even minimally) than buying something to add to the ‘never wear’ pile.

3. Take a break. If your shopping experience is heading downhill fast, take a few minutes and go have a cup of tea or lunch. If you don’t have time, then call it a day and plan to shop again tomorrow or the next day. You can’t buy something you love when you’re expecting only to find things you don’t love. Remember that during peak times in the shopping season, the stores are bringing new things onto the sales floor daily so you might see something new the next time you venture in. And, this might sound woo-woo but once you feel refreshed and venture into the store with a renewed attitude of hopefulness, you are more likely to see something that was there all along, but when you are frustrated and rushed your eye naturally settles on things that don’t appeal to you (just to fuel your frustration). Now that you’re refreshed and have a brighter attitude you are open to inviting in new fun possibilities.

4. Find a new store(s) to replace where you’re shopping now or as a back-up when your usual stores are not giving you what you want. It’s so easy to get stuck in a rut. Perhaps your favorite store is your favorite because 5 years ago you were able to outfit yourself perfectly there every time you went in. Now, either because your body has changed, your lifestyle has changed or they have a new buyer and the store is focusing on a different clientele, you come out empty handed more often than not and even when you do buy something you end up returning it. If this sounds familiar, it’s time to shop somewhere else! If you are used to shopping at Target try Kohls or JC Penney? Has Macy’s or Saks always been your go-to store? Then how about Lord & Taylor or Bloomingdale’s. Are you a tried and true Marshall’s fan? Then take a trip to Nordstrom Rack or Loehmann’s?

5. Revisit what you are looking for. Is it realistic? One of my dearest clients LOVED the jewelry of the 1980’s — big earrings that sat high on her ear and made a huge fashion statement. Right after the 1980’s, jewelry trends made an about face, and everything was eensy-weensy. It made finding her favorite earrings virtually impossible. She had to make a choice – keep looking for something that didn’t exist or try something new. A similar scenario is true right now: jackets/interesting blazers are lost in space! To a large extent we are stuck with jackets that are weird 80’s replicas (not even the best of the 80’s!), blazers that are part of a classic suit or else your choices are interesting styles but only in black or gray. Want a fun jacket? You’ll have to think outside the box (at least until the designers wise up!).

Be more open to options you haven’t considered before. For example:

• Find a great consignment store. Consignment shops are popping up all over the place, and they can be a great place to find different items for less than retail or styles that are classic enough to withstand the test of time (while still appealing to your esthetic sense, of course (you never want to buy something simply because it’s classic)).

• Spend a tad more money. If you spent $50 more for something but wore it 10 times as much as the lesser-priced item you don’t like as well, would it be worth the extra cost? (I recommend that the answer be yes since getting value from your wardrobe is all about price per wear. And, the more items you buy that you love the less you’ll need to buy to feel satisfied with your wardrobe.) I’m not saying you can’t find great items for less. I’m just suggesting that you allow for both possibilities.

• Use a tailor when off-the-rack clothes aren’t perfect. Unless you are a perfect fit model size for your favorite designer or you love to shop so much (and have the free time to spend shopping) that you don’t mind waiting until you find something off the rack that fits perfectly, you need a tailor. For most of us, something almost always needs to be tweaked (at least 60+% of my wardrobe needs to go to the tailor before I can wear it).

6. Don’t give up. If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again. Use the information above to reframe how you approach your wardrobe-building strategy. Everyone can have a wardrobe she adores but not if you let overwhelm, desperation and discouragement lead the way.

What did you learn? Rather than write off an unfruitful shopping trip entirely, figure out what your take-aways are. Maybe you learned that you need to:

____ find a great tailor.

____ wear comfortable shoes the next time you shop so you’re not focused on the pain in your feet rather than the clothes you want to buy.

____ shop with a list and go to another store sooner if you’re not finding what you want.

____ plan ahead so you’re not scrambling at the last second. Perhaps having a couple of dressy outfits you love already in your closet just waiting for those special occasions will take the pressure off.

____ shop with a buddy (someone you trust and who won’t press her agenda on you) or a professional.

____ shop in the _______ (time of day) when you feel the most energized.

____ clean out your closet before you shop so you really know what you need instead of wondering if you already have 3 exactly the same at home.

____ other ______________________________________________________

Take the next step and commit to one of the things you checked above. See what happens when you approach your wardrobe building experience from a new vantage point. Doing just one thing differently can have major impact and inspire you in ways you can’t imagine right now. How could it hurt? If you keep doing what you’re doing you’ll keep getting the same results and chances are (if you are reading this article) you aren’t happy with what you’ve been getting. This is your chance to take a step in a new direction that can have powerful results. Try it and see!

When I travel one of my pet peeves is hotel bathroom mirrors! There is absolutely no doubt in my mind that these were designed by men who never have to apply makeup and never look in the mirror.

Invariably, I try getting super close up or several feet back to see if I can get the overhead lighting to be a bit more forgiving. I inevitably give up and go to the mirror over the desk in the bedroom or grab a hand mirror (if it’s daytime) and go to the window.

What’s up with that?

It should not be nearly so complicated to apply a little makeup! I hate leaving the room wondering if I look scary or not!

And, it’s not just makeup that can be affected. If you’ve ever tried matching colors in a dark room or if you’ve ever left the house wearing one navy and one black sock or shoe then you know what I mean. With inadequate lighting colors aren’t always what they seem and often you don’t realize it until it’s too late to do anything about it.

Unfortunately, so many women settle for the equivalent of hotel bathroom mirrors every day when they get dressed and put on their makeup. If you’ve been putting on your makeup in the dark you’ll be surprised by the difference when you have better light and can actually see what you are doing. You’ll apply your makeup faster and seemingly effortlessly compared to squinting and doing various facial acrobatics just to put on your makeup!

Here are a few tips to keep you from looking like you got dressed in the dark:

Use natural light whenever possible. The absolute best lighting for getting dressed or putting on your makeup is natural light. It allows you to see everything absolutely clearly. No more wondering if your blush is blended well or the powder under your eyes is accentuating any lines. You’ll know for sure. It can seem a bit unforgiving at first but if you like the way you look in natural light you’ll love it everywhere else.

Unfortunately, it is not always feasible or convenient to use natural light since not all bathrooms have access to a window and many closets (and even bedrooms) are very dark. Not to mention that on a cloudy day natural light is pretty much unavailable. Whenever you do have access to natural light, use it — even if it means taking a hand mirror over to the window to check your makeup and outfit before leaving the house. Hint: When evaluating your makeup or clothing in a hand mirror in front of a window, always face the window. You’ll get a splash of natural light on your face and can see everything clearly.

Banish overhead lighting. Because it is over your head it casts shadows giving you dark circles and basically make it nearly impossible to see what you are doing – at least with any degree of confidence. It lights the room but it doesn’t allow you to see your face clearly and without that ability you feel frustrated – or just tired after seeing all those light-enhanced dark circles. It’s easy then to overcompensate by applying more under eye concealer than you actually need.

You don’t have to tear out all the existing lighting in your bathroom (although that would certainly be ideal) and start over. Nope, you can keep what’s there but just do your makeup elsewhere. Instead, invest in a lighted makeup mirror and set it on your bedroom dresser or vanity in your bathroom – wherever it’s convenient. They generally have a “daylight” setting and that will give clean, clear, even light for applying your makeup. (Just be sure you don’t position it directly under an overhead light or next to a table lamp or as these can adversely affect the light from the makeup mirror.)

Change your lightbulbs. Even if your bathroom vanity mirror is lit from the side, you’ll want to check on what type of lightbulbs you are using. Most incandescent bulbs cast a yellow glow which is also not helpful in evaluating color and let’s not even talk about most fluorescent bulbs which make us all look slightly green. Can it really affect what you see that much? Let me share an experience I had that drove this point home.

One day many years ago I stopped at the cosmetic counter to buy some nail polish. I wanted a coral color and found just what I wanted pretty quickly. I couldn’t wait to get home to wear it. As I stepped out of the store into daylight I took the polish out of the bag to look at it again. Imagine my shock and disappointment when the color turned out to be bright cotton candy pink not coral as I had thought? I immediately returned the nail polish but this was a real eye opening experience for me. Indoor lights can fool your eye and most store lighting adds a touch of yellow or green to everything in there.

Whether we are talking about applying makeup in your bathroom or getting dressed in your bathroom or walk-in closet, the best option is full-spectrum or halogen lighting which directly mimics natural light.

Of course, we can only control the lighting in our own home not what we find in stores or dressing rooms. It always amazes me that most stores do not pay more attention to how a dressing room is lit. Do we really want to see every inch of cellulite or look overly tired because of the shadows the overhead lights cast? It can be disturbing and discouraging, and I know it results in lost sales from time to time. Or, have you ever danced around the store trying to find a corner where the overhead spotlights don’t cast funny shadows or where it isn’t so dark you can’t see the detail in a fabric? I do it all the time and always wonder why the stores aren’t more aware of this problem.

The solution is whenever possible take it over to natural light to evaluate the color, inspect the fabric, determine how well it matches what you want to pair with it, etc. If the store doesn’t have any natural light or it’s a cloudy day, do the best you can to decide if you like it and consider taking it home to try it on in better light. Of course, you will only want to do this if they have an adequate return policy.

All lighting is not created equal and poor lighting can definitely distort how you see things. Make your life easier and your morning routine more pleasant by adjusting the lighting in your home wherever possible. And, when it comes to shopping be aware that the lighting is not always optimal and give yourself a break when you stand in front of the mirror or are having a hard time seeing a garment clearly. It will be less of a shock when you get a garment home and find out it’s really eggplant and not brown. Blame it on the lighting and return it if it isn’t what you want.

I love autumn. Yes, I know I say this every year but I really, really do. And, this year I’m particularly excited for the transition because it was such a very hot summer. The cooler weather is such a wonderful relief. So, for those of you mourning the end of summer, let me share some fun fashion updates for the Fall that will bring a delicious smile of anticipation to your lips and sometimes an out loud guffaw at what they try to pass off as style! Thankfully there is more to celebrate than bemoan.

In case you are new to my seasonal fashion updates, I divide the various new trends into those that I find beautiful and bewitching, those that are bothersome on some level and the ones that are just downright bewildering. Are you with me? Let’s explore:

Bewitched

Colors: You know I’m all about color and fall is often my favorite season for color. I love the transition as we move from lighter, brighter colors to warm, deep, rich tones. So what’s up this season? Let me share the bewitching colors here and look for the bothersome ones below. Navy blue is making a well-deserved comeback. It works on many women as a great neutral and has been hugely neglected in the past few years. Add to that a deep forest green (also largely overlooked in recent autumn/winter seasons) and a deep (not bright!) red. Yay. These are colors that work on a lot of women, so if you look great in them, snap them up now. (Click here for shopping information)

Textures: The feel of fall is yummy. Not only in the colors but also in the textures. What is more soft and elegant than velvet, and they are promising lots of it as we get into the cooler months? Want something more casual? When the temperatures take a nosedive you can turn to chunky knits but in the meantime, open weave sweaters are hot. Think of them as the fall version of the summer macramé sweaters that were everywhere. Simply wear a long-sleeved fitted top underneath, and you’ll be cozy and fashionable.

Peplums: Yes, I know. I for the past few seasons I’ve been putting these in the bewitching category, and that is deliberate. If you don’t know what a peplum is, http://www.thefreedictionary.com/peplum defines it as, “A short overskirt or ruffle attached at the waistline of a jacket, blouse, or dress.” These days, believe it or not, it even is used in reference to skirts that have a ruffle type attachment at the bottom.

Can everyone wear a peplum? Yes, technically with the right design everyone can wear one. Should you? Maybe, maybe not. It depends on how the peplum is constructed. Some are so small you can barely see them. Others are huge and long and the defining design of the jacket. The fullness or sleekness will definitely affect the success of the peplum on a particular body shape but it is possible to find one that works. But, what’s equally as important is whether a peplum suits your personality. That’s a totally different discussion and only you can decide.

Of course, if it intrigues you I’d say try them and see (you’ll most likely have to try many to find one that’s a contender). You can always take it off and put it back on the rack – no harm done or money wasted.

Wide leg trousers: No, skinny pants have not disappeared. In fact, they are as hot as ever and even come in the deep tones of the season (which are kind of fun!). But, to balance out the latest obsession with their skinniness is the wide leg trouser. Yay! A great look on many women especially those who carry a little weight in their hips and thighs (sometimes a tad tricky for petite women – but not always).

Denim: As always denim is hot. The colored jeans are continuing but the colors are deeper and richer (actually, they are very beautiful). Yes, most of them are skinny but not all so you can still pick up a pair even if you aren’t a fan of the skinny style. Denim jackets are huge right now and even double-denim is popular but it has to be done with great panache (you generally want to pair two different denim washes together so it doesn’t look like a denim suit), or it will look dated. (Click here for shopping information)

Shoes: Boots are always popular in the colder weather and knee high boots are still going strong. Whether you prefer a high heel or flat riding boot style there’s something for everyone. They’ll be flooding into the stores soon. What else is popular? Color blocking on shoes and embellished heels are fun. Ankle straps are huge again which is great if you have long thin legs and ankles but if not, avoid them (you’ll also see ankle straps with low cut ankle boots – kind of interesting but definitely a trend so choose wisely), and probably one of the hottest new trends is the smoking loafer. It’s a nice change from, or alternative to, the ballet flat. It looks great with pants and is super comfortable, and it not only comes in basic neutral colors but in prints, textures and with sparkles! (Click here for shopping information)

Handbags: While there is a lot happening in handbags and many, many options (see: my take on this season’s handbag trends: the dome bag is big.

(Click here for more information)

Prints: Prints are huge again this season and we are seeing everything from fall florals to brocade (especially in pants) and the new optic prints are exploding. As always, choose wisely for your taste, body size, and coloring and be absolutely sure that one of your best, most flattering colors is the predominant color in whatever print you choose. There is no exception to that rule.

Trench Coats: After a wonderful run of fun trench coat options, the past season or so has been a little disappointing. This fall they are offering us a new option to spice things up a bit – the patent trench. It looks like it is made of slicker material and has lots of shine but the saving grace is that it comes in beautiful rich jewel tones in addition to black.

Accessories: Brooches are back, and they are beautiful. If you love them, pick up a few of your favorites and if you aren’t a brooch type of gal, there are plenty of other jewelry options to choose from to express your unique personality. One fun option is a bejeweled headband. Very fun and playful if that suits you, and it can even be worn (in fact, it’s very fashionable and trendy to do so) with short hair.

Bothered

Color: Two very hot colors this season are mustard and gray. Okay, so I acknowledge that these colors are important to some women who look good in them but the ratio of these colors on the store racks to other more widely flattering colors is way skewed in the wrong direction! Mustard is one of THE hardest colors to wear well and light gray is dreadful on a huge number of women (charcoal fares better). Is this some kind of cosmic fashion joke? Please, unless you are absolutely positive that these colors look good on you, avoid them like the plague!

Coats: As we move into colder weather we are seeing a new trend for coats. Let me preface it by saying that I really loved the 80’s. I had big hair (I do big hair really well!) and loved the beautiful colored structured suits with shoulder pads that balanced my hips. I leaned toward the elegant side of the 80’s so when I see them bringing back the most questionable trends from that decade, I have to wonder. So, what we’re seeing now (and let me warn you that when we get a trickle of a trend one season within about 2 seasons we usually experience it as a full blown trend) is what they are calling the boyfriend coat. You know how the boyfriend jackets have been popular (they are longer and slightly oversized and are meant to look like you are wearing your boyfriend’s jacket)? Well, translate that into a coat and that’s what we’re seeing – oversized, shapeless coats. Please say it isn’t true!

Ripped Denim: So much is happening here as you saw in the bewitched category so why this fascination with ripped or distressed denim? Now it has expanded from pants to ripped jean jackets and shirts. Very few people can pull this off without looking messy (what a surprise!) so my advice is steer clear.

Contrasting Peter Pan Collar: No. It’s that simple. Youthful is one thing, infantilized is another. Leave it to the teens and super trendy fashionistas.

Bewildered

Matchstick Pants: These are everywhere just as they were in the spring. Designers and advertisers make them sound like the best thing since sliced bread but they aren’t. They are slightly fuller in the thighs so they won’t feel as constraining as skinny jeans (which can be good), but they are meant to end at the ankle. Because they are not generally as snug to the leg they tend to make your legs look infinitely shorter than long pants. If you have long thin legs this will work well but if not, hmmm, I’d pass them by.

Coated Denim: This is in this category only because the coating makes the pants shiny so they draw a lot of attention to the lower half of your body. Maybe good? Maybe not? Coated denim in a jacket is rather fun and a little more wearable.

Capes: They are beautiful. They are not practical – at least in the cold northeast of the U.S. If you don’t mind that you probably have about 5 days of the year when you can actually where it, then by all means get one. Otherwise, admire them in the stores, even try them on, but leave them hanging on the rack and buy something where your price per wear will be more in your favor.

So, there you have it — the fashion update for the coming season. Clothes are flooding into the store so start looking and see what you see that you like. Take this with you if you want to to inspire you and get your wardrobe moving in a really fun direction.

On a recent trip to Rockport, Massachusetts – a gorgeous seaside town – I spent a lot of time milling around and enjoying the gorgeous view and relaxing ambiance. Since it was a beautiful day the main street (or neck, as they call it) was packed with people on vacation. At one point, I had a very distinct realization – everyone looked the same. While all the teenagers were dressed in short shorts, everyone else’s style was kind of an LLBean meets REI look. It made me feel sad. When did women start settling for a largely colorless, shapeless look?

I know. I know. Comfort is key, and I’m with you on that, especially on vacation. Gone are the days when I’ll settle for something that is binding, scratchy or just plain uncomfortable. But, there is a happy medium between uninspired and trendy fashionista.

Summer is all about color and even though it is winding down you can be inspired to carry your colors into the autumn and winter. Flowers of every imaginable color are still everywhere. The ocean is brilliantly blue or green, and the sky is a rainbow of colors from sun up to sundown. There is very little gray or black except what we have added. Nature knows that color is food for the eyes and the soul. So, why not embrace that when you choose your casualwear. Sure, you don’t want to look like a walking fruit bowl but if you choose your best foundation color (for instance, black, beige, white, navy, brown) and pair it with beautiful colors (or even one color if this all feels so foreign), I suspect you’ll be surprised by how delightful it feels!

Here’s a great example of a look that is pretty and comfortable:

Yes, she’s wearing white pants or capris and yes, everyone can look good in them (it’s just a matter of finding the right ones that fit you well and (this is critical) pairing the right top and shoes with them. As one of my clients recently said, “You’ve made me a white convert!” Oh, and if your response is…well, it will get dirty. Yes, you’re right. It might. But I promise they can be washed! And, if that’s too big a jump right now, this top would also look great with jeans or navy shorts or capris. You don’t have to dismiss the entire outfit, just tweak it so it’s you.

Or, how about a maxi dress. One of my clients recently told me that she didn’t think she was a maxi dress kind of gal until she tried the right one on. Then she was sold! Could this be you? It’s so easy to dismiss something we’ve never tried before. This one is pretty, easy to wear, lovely colors and bra-friendly!

Whether you are going to work, out with friends or on vacation, how you dress is all about you. It’s the perfect opportunity to reflect the inner part of you that makes you special. I saw so many women on “the neck” in Rockport wearing gray, beige, black or white t-shirts and neutral colored shorts with Teva sandals or the equivalent. There is no way that all of these women are personality-less. It’s just not possible. Where was the playfulness, sparkle or warmth?

I know that in many cases what has happened is that they have given up (that’s why there’s a chapter in my coaching program “Who Taught You Who To Dress?” that talks about unconscious dressing). Does this sound familiar? Do you feel like you no longer know how to dress your body? As women get older and their body shifts or they gain weight there’s this sense of, “Yikes, now what do I do?” So, they resort to what is easy and safe and call it a day.

I also know that the discomfort intensifies (even if you squish it down) and the sadness escalates. I’ve seen it happen a thousand times. The good news is that this doesn’t have to be the case.

Take it one step at a time, and see what happens. Maybe pick up a fun beach tote that will add that spark you’re missing (click here for more information). Or, as we head into the Fall, you can add a pretty scarf to keep you warm on those chilly mornings (click here for more information).

Just keep at it. The next time you pack to go on vacation, smile and add something fun. Don’t let yourself fade into the crowd or let your style go on vacation when you do. You can look great sightseeing, relaxing at the pool or heading out to a leisurely dinner! Most of all, have fun with it. This is vacation after all!

What’s standing (or should I say hanging) between you and a great wardrobe? Believe it or not, it’s not lack of time, a limited budget or the fact that you would rather have a root canal than go shopping. Rather, it’s…drumroll please…all those lonely, neglected, despised or forgotten garments that have taken up permanent residence in your closet.

You may remember from “10 Reasons You Have Too Many Clothes,” why many women suffer from an overstuffed closet. The question now is what can you do about it? How do you know when to keep something or let it go? One thing is for sure: If you cannot clearly evaluate and honestly understand why a garment doesn’t work for you, you’ll keep hanging on to it hoping that someday you’ll find a reason or need to wear it. But (and this is really important), you will not miss it if you feel absolutely clear about why it won’t ever work for you. Not to mention that this gives you super valuable information for your next shopping trip.

So many women say to me, “But, it’s in good condition. I barely wore it.” Or, “I paid a lot of money for it so I have to find a way to wear it.” They are convinced that those are reasons enough to keep it. They are not. Everyone has a different idea of what is too much or too little, and how much you paid for something does not influence whether it looks good on your or not. Of course, the more you understand about what works in your wardrobe, the less likely you will be to waste money (of any amount) on things you don’t wear. The ultimate goal, with every garment, is to wear it so much that the price per wear becomes negligible…no matter what the original cost.

If you spent a lot of money on something that doesn’t suit you, now is the time to cut your losses, learn from the experience and allow something fabulous to come into your closet that you do wear a lot (and, let’s not forget this part…that you enjoy wearing). Once you understand why it doesn’t work the chance of you repeating that kind of expensive mistake again drops dramatically.

I totally understand that your closet might not change without some serious intervention, so let’s get started!

Let me say, first of all, that if your closet is overflowing with unworn clothes, you’ll want to take this one baby step at a time or you won’t do it. You know that’s true because you haven’t done it yet, right? The job feels daunting, not even a little bit fun and just downright overwhelming. On most days, you try to get in and out of your closet as quickly as possible as possible so you don’t have to acknowledge the situation. But, with this newfound information, you’ll see the results right away.

I’m going to walk you through the steps to empower you to move an item out with grace and ease when it’s clear it is no longer serving you. Ready, set, go!

1. Take one item that you’re not wearing out of your closet, put the item on (yes, put it on!) and ask yourself these questions:

• Does the color look great (not okay, decent or good enough, but great!) on you?
• Does it fit you right now?
• Is it in good condition or are you willing to do any necessary repairs (this includes de-wrinkling, a.k.a., ironing!)?
• Does it have fond memories or at least no disturbing memories attached to it? (Please note that fond memories alone are not enough reason to keep it (at least not in your every day closet). If it has fond memories and it’s a great color, fits you, etc. then keep going. Otherwise, move it to another closet and admire it and enjoy the memories there.)
• Does it work with your current lifestyle needs? So many times I’ve seen women keep clothes from their corporate days many years after they’ve needed them…just in case. If it has been more than a year, move them out.
• Is it comfortable? If not, and the cause of discomfort cannot be remedied, it goes away.
• Do you love it? This actually should be the first question but there’s a lot to consider here so keep reading.

That was step number 1. If you can say a resounding (not pitiful whimper) yes to ALL of these questions, you may move to round 2. If you said no to any of them, it goes in the go away pile (and we’ll talk about that more in a minute).

For all of you who just did that exercise without putting the garment on and chose to put the item back in your closet even though you haven’t worn it in eons (you know who you are!), take it out and ask yourself this:

• Can you make a complete outfit with it? If not, ask yourself these questions:
• How long have you had it? (If it’s more than 2 years since you’ve worn it, it automatically goes in the “go away” pile.)
• Did it used to have another piece that went with it? This happens often. You buy a pretty print skirt, for example, and the top to go with it and then the top gets a hole or a stain and you have to discard it. This leaves you with half of an old outfit and no way to complete it. Chances are 10 to 1 you never will. (Again, if you’ve had it for more than 2 years, it automatically goes in the “go away” pile.)
• If you are still reluctant to let it go, you absolutely must put it on. Believe me, your mind can play funny tricks on you and if it has fond memories associated with the garment you’ll feel compelled to keep it…until you see it on. At least 85% of the time, it turns out the garment is not as fabulous as you remember (and that’s not to say it wasn’t fabulous at some point but it had its day and this isn’t it). Perhaps it fits your body differently (or maybe not at all). It might feel “old” – like it came from a different era. And, often times you discover it has a stain, a tear or some defect that makes it less likely that you can still wear it. This is all invaluable information that you often won’t get without having the garment on your body.

Why go through all of this? Because it’s a thousand times easier to give something to charity, take it to a consignment shop or discard it if you know it will never work for you. There’s a freedom that comes with that awareness and once your closet is cleared of all the unworn and unwearable clothes, your mind and heart will feel lighter.

If you put something in the go away pile and you’re experiencing heart palpitations worrying that you’ll miss it, relax. There is an interim step that will give you some ease. Simply pack the items away in an empty closet or plastic bins in the attic. Most importantly, get them out of your every day closet. That way, if you decide you miss it you know exactly where it is. I can easily predict that 99-100% of the time you won’t miss something for even one second.

As you can see from all of this, if things just sit in your closet, you need to find out why before you take the next step to create a wardrobe you love. If after asking yourself all these questions you are still unsure about some pieces then it is time to get some objective, preferably expert, assistance. Sometimes you are just too close to the situation to be objective yourself or you just need some expert validation that you are making the right decision for the right reasons, and with a little support and guidance it all becomes crystal clear.

So, keep going. You’ll gain momentum the more you are able to understand what’s working and what’s not. In fact, make this a regular exercise so you don’t end up every year or two with a closet full of unworn clothes. Assess your situation on a regular basis and you’ll be getting dressed with joy and ease every day. Ahhh, can you just feel the relief!