You might wonder why I am writing about this now as we go into the summer season when bare skin is the norm.  Well, I’ll tell you. It’s all very personally motivated.

You might have heard me mention that my legs are not my favorite feature.  Since we all teach what we have to learn, I have spent time doing the inner work necessary so I can honestly say that I have come to love and appreciate them.  Will they ever be the legs of my dreams?  No.  But am I thankful that they are relatively long, strong and take me where I need to go?  Yes.  And, part of my accepting them the way they are is the knowledge of how to dress them in a way that makes them look pretty good – (the magic of illusion is a wonderful thing!).

That’s where nude stockings come in.  I can hear a collective groan as I say that, but please don’t stop reading.  Trust me, I too, am not a fan of pantyhose either.  Since I was a teenager I have not been able to stand anything tight around my waist, and I spent decades cutting the waistband of my pantyhose so I could breathe (yes, you can still do that as long as you don’t buy “sheer to waist” pantyhose and you don’t cut them so much that they fall down (I never had that happen so don’t worry about it too much)).  And, there was no chance that a pair of control top pantyhose would come anywhere near my body!

Then, along came the current generation of young women who reject any suggestion that nude stockings are the way to go.  In fact, they snicker at the idea that they should ever consider wearing them!  They see it as wearing fake legs and just the idea makes them kind of squeamish.  In their opinion, bare legs is the only way to go. Obviously, this is a fashion topic that is highly polarized, and there doesn’t seem to be much middle ground.

I am not going to try to change someone’s mind who is firmly ensconced in the belief that bare legs are the only option (although I’m sure they wear tights of various colors). Let me just say that I believe strongly that in a conservative professional setting stockings are appropriate.

So, back to me since I suspect many of you can identify with my experience.  I am writing about this now because for years I did not wear many dresses.  For those of you who know me, I can see you checking your memory for times when you’ve actually seen my legs!  The truth is there haven’t been many occasions.  But that has changed this season, and it’s exactly the reason nude hosiery is on my mind.

Let’s talk about the 5 reasons nude stockings have disappeared from so many women’s wardrobe AND 5 new ways to invite them back in:

1. They Make You Look Like an “Old Lady!”  Ask any 20-something woman, and she’ll gasp at the mere suggestion that she wear nude stockings.  They are so not cool.  As with most fashion trends it’s really just because they didn’t grow up with them.  I mean, really, just look at those young men who wear their pants down below their butt with their boxers showing and you can’t tell me it’s not a fashion rebellion.  The same is true for nude stockings.  When worn well there is absolutely nothing wrong with wearing them (and often you can barely tell someone is), but it’s more the idea of them that offends young women–we did the same thing with bras 30+ years ago)!

Solution: You’re probably not surprised to hear that my new favorite celebrity is Kate Middleton.  Not because I know very much about her or follow her every move.  I don’t.  But, I do appreciate her bringing nude stockings (ooops, they are now called nude tights!) back into favor (at least more than they were).  Sales have increased significantly since she entered the celebrity fashion scene.  She has proven that nude tights don’t have to look obvious or matronly.

2. Pantyhose are Uncomfortable.  I don’t think that most people will debate this.  This is arguably the #1 reason pantyhose fell out of favor with those of us who used to wear them.  In fact, I still have bags of pantyhose left over (I used to buy them in bulk because they cost less!), and I am the first to admit that they are not my favorite accessory.  Yes, I wore them for years because that’s all there was, and it was an expected part of our wardrobes in the 80’s and 90’s.  However, instead of embracing the bare leg fashion statement, I just covered my legs in a different, more comfortable way: pants.

With dresses being such a huge fashion trend now (yay!) I was beginning to feel the pull to wear them.  But, after having one or two of them sit in my closet for a year or more because I never felt right wearing them with bare legs, I finally decided I had to do something about it and solve this dilemma.  And, I have!

Solution: Bear with me on this one.  The solution is thigh-high stockings (just breathe and keep reading!).  They are super comfortable (no waistband to squish you) AND when you are wearing an A-line skirt or dress (or one that just flows softly over your curves) no one can see the band on your thigh (even if it does cause a touch of a muffin top).  Trust me, I have a muffin top with it and no one can tell (except now you all know).  More on brands coming up.

3. They are so 80’s.  Give this one up!  Half of the 80’s styles (e.g., bright colored pants paired with other bright colors or black, peplums and flashdance style shirts) have made a comeback this spring so shouldn’t nude stockings (when worn well) feel right at home?

Solution: If you remember the 1980’s as well as I do, you might not want to revisit all of those styles – especially not all at once – but bringing the stockings into your current wardrobe with a pretty pair of platform shoes, for instance, or with a fabulous patterned dress will feel current and elegant.

4. They are a Huge Expense.  Why do you think I bought them in bulk years ago?  Invariably, after just a wearing or two, I’d put my toe through one or catch it on something and have that unsightly “laddering” – the new term for runs.  One other word of caution…the stockings are meant to be “nude” so they should match your skin color and not change it noticeably (“suntan” stockings should be outlawed on someone with very fair skin) or you run the risk of looking very dated.  (And, the good news about laddering in your stockings is that when truly nude stockings run, it is less noticeable because they blend in so well with your skin.  And, there’s more good news.  When you get a run in thigh high stockings you only have to discard one leg of the pair!)

Solution: You can buy them in bulk (once you determine the brand and color you like) but I have noticed there isn’t a huge savings on them – unless perhaps you can get them at a Hanes’ outlet (that’s what I used to do). My two favorite colors were “Barely There” for Fall/Winter and “Little Color” for Spring/Summer.

I was also just introduced to https://www.viennemilano.com/ stockings.  Yes, they are way more expensive but rumor has it that they don’t run easily.  I just ordered my first pair so I will keep you posted.

5. You Can’t Wear Stockings with Sandals:  This was another reason I stopped wearing stockings for a while.  What do you do about the webbed toes?

Solution: Enter my favorite kind of stockings – toeless!  Donna Karan makes a good brand and you can even get the Berkshire brand for less (it’s not as smooth and silky but will do the job).  Yes, you have to play with the band around your toes to be sure you can’t see it when you put on your sandals but it’s amazing how it turns invisible in many strappy sandals.  Be sure to try them on ahead of time with the sandals you want to wear to be sure this is true – sometimes they are obvious and that’s worse than webbed toes.

Can everyone go bare legged with skirts?  This is where the debate gets tough.  Women with long, slender, evenly tanned legs are so quick to say yes, but for the rest of us the answer isn’t always so straightforward.

I’ll just use my legs as an example.  I’ve never had a tan in my entire life.  Burns, yes.  Tan, no.  Being a redhead this is not surprising but what also comes with my red hair (which I wouldn’t trade) is super pale and translucent (you can see a mix of freckles, purple undertones, red and white so my skin never looks smooth and even.  And this has little to do with aging – it has been the case since I was a kid).

Some well-meaning women will say, “So get a spray tan.”  Okay, so I could do that, but do I really want to commit to something that I have to do so often?  It gets expensive, time-consuming and, to be honest, since I’ve never had a tan, having even slightly tanned legs looks very foreign on my skin.  Not to mention that I don’t know exactly what is in those spray tans and I’m not so keen on repeated applications of something I feel so unsure of.  Trust me, I do enough “beauty treatments” without adding one more!  But, that’s just me.  So, more than anything, what the stockings do is smooth out my skintone and create a sleeker line (and, yay, they also smooth out any dimpling).  Quick and easy!

If your skin is unevenly colored can you still go bare-legged?  Yes, of course.  It’s certainly a personal preference and, yes, I do go bare-legged with skirts when I’m being very casual (but I’m even more hyper-vigilant about the fit, length of the skirt and shoes I wear so that I feel good in them).  That said, I also know that my legs will draw more focus when they are bare because they are not as smooth, and that’s not my preferred place to have the eye go.

It’s clear to see that the stocking debate is here to stay for now.  There is certainly no one perfect answer for everyone.  And, while I’m sure this information did nothing to change the minds of those who are firmly entrenched in their no nude stocking beliefs, hopefully, for those of you who are on the fence and looking for a solution, these 5 options above will give you food for thought and may bring you the solution you’ve been looking for!

I bet you think I’m going to talk about your hair, don’t you? So many women are contemplating letting their locks go naturally gray and some are even doing it (and looking great!). I’m all for it if you feel good about it. But, that’s not what I’m here to talk to you about today.

One day, not too long ago, I was standing in line in New York City waiting to place my lunch order. With not much to do except look around (and gawk at the sheer number of people waiting to order and the efficiency with which the restaurant was handling the crowds), I did a little people-watching.

It will come as no surprise to you, I am sure, that I am always curious about what people are wearing. On this particular day, there had to be at least 30 people in line and about two-thirds of them were women. It shocked me to notice that every person (men and women) was wearing either gray or black. Yes, every single person! Not one person was wearing another color. Not one!

Well, that’s New York City for you, you might say. Maybe, but let me assure you that sadly the black/gray epidemic has spread beyond the Big Apple. When I gave a presentation to 140 young business women in the Boston area, ninety-eight percent of those in the audience were wearing black or gray (perhaps there was a smattering of navy blue but you get the idea). It was startlingly noticeable.

So, here’s what I’m wondering…Why?

Of course, I hear all the reasons from the women I work with but let’s really look at what gray and black are doing for you…or not doing for you, as the case may be. Let’s start with black because there is so much of it out there and everyone assumes it’s a great neutral.

1. Black goes with everything.

This is generally true if black looks good on you and you are wearing all your best colors with it (which are probably pretty strong colors). But, if your most flattering colors are soft and you try to mix them with black all eyes will be drawn automatically to the black because it will be too harsh compared to the colors that look best on you.

And, let me just say this about black. If it isn’t one of your best colors (and your best colors are based on your hair color, eye color, skin color and your personality) wearing black will naturally drain you, and I’m not just talking about color-wise. Black is very powerful and intense, and it will, if it’s not your best color, stifle your natural joy and radiance.

2. Black doesn’t show dirt.

True enough but there are lots of other beautiful dark colors that will do the same thing. So find the one(s) that look great on you, and they will hide a multitude of sins just as well as black does and often look more flattering.

3. Black is slimming.

Again, who cares if it’s slimming if the overall color is harsh and draining. Other deeper colors will do the same thing. And, guess what, even shades of white will work on you when the outfit is well balanced and in your most flattering colors. (I know the thought of wearing shades of white scares a lot of women so just keep breathing…). Creating a slimming effect is not just about color, by any means.

4. Black is a neutral.

For some it is. But for others it’s not. While some stylists believe that a neutral is a neutral, I don’t. I know that everyone has two or three great neutrals they can wear that work beautifully with their natural coloring and blend well with their best colors. They could include brown, navy, gray, black, camel, cream, and white. This creates a seamless look and gives you lots of ways to play with it without worrying about trying to make a color “work.” Who needs or wants that extra stress?

5. Black is easy.

While there is truth to this it’s mostly because the designers throw so much black (and gray) at us that you can build an entire wardrobe all in black in about 20 minutes. Will it be easy? Yes. Will it be satisfying and delicious? Usually not. As you begin to integrate more of your fabulous colors into your wardrobe, an all black outfit (unless black is really one of your absolute best colors) will lose its appeal.

In many women’s closets black is there for all the reasons above, and it’s no wonder that when they get dressed, they easily find an outfit that is “good enough” or “easy” but that feels lacking in personality. Why end up with an entire wardrobe of “good enough” when you can have (and deserve) so much more?

Now let’s look at gray for a minute, too.

For a couple of years now, gray has been the “new black,” and as a result many women have entire wardrobes created around this color. It felt refreshing to them after so much black, but they were hoodwinked into believing that everyone can wear it well and were told that’s because “it’s a neutral.” Yikes! Light gray only looks good on a tiny fraction of people but huge numbers of women are actually wearing it. Charcoal gray is slightly better but then it just comes close to black. Like any color, if it looks good on you then it’s amazing and that makes it a great neutral, otherwise leave it on the rack. (And, if you’re not sure, steer clear!)

I often hear women say, “But gray looks decent on me.” Be careful of this. In most situations, ‘decent’ is synonymous with “good enough,” and that is a far cry from awesome. There was so much gray in the stores that it made buying it easy but, again, this is not a way to build a lasting and delicious wardrobe. As Cheryl Richardson says, always pass up good for great!

It is never worth it to settle for colors you don’t love and that don’t look beautiful on you. Ninety-nine percent of the time you can find at least some of your best colors in the stores (or wait 2 weeks and new shipments of clothes come in in new colors and you can look again). Do this long enough (even in those seasons when the color choices are challenging), and you’ll have a complete (and beautiful) wardrobe. The more you hold firm and select only the colors that look great on you, the better chance you will have of creating a wardrobe you absolutely love. Give in too often and you end up with a ‘decent’ wardrobe – that doesn’t sound particularly inspiring or fun, does it!

This is one of the key steps in creating a beautiful wardrobe, and there’s very little “gray” area here.

Not sure what colors look best on you? Find a color expert (not someone who does colors by the seasons) and have your own personal palette created. It will be one of the best steps you’ve ever taken toward a fabulous wardrobe. For more information about what a consultation with me looks like, go here: http://totalimageconsultants.com/services/personal/color-analysis/

What happens when you open your makeup bag every morning?  Do you think to yourself, “Yay, this is fun!” or do you think, “Why can’t I get it to look like the pictures in the magazine?”

One other thing…have you ever noticed that 99% of the makeup directions out there are given on women under 25 years old.  What’s that about?

Makeup does not look the same on mature skin and so many of those tips are useless.

While there is not a one-size-fits-all makeup application, there are a few techniques that can make a big difference when it comes to creating a finished look you like.

And, please, be kind to yourself.  If you are 40, 50 or 60, and especially if you have not had any cosmetic surgery, do not compare yourself to someone 20. It’s a whole different ballgame but that’s not to say you can’t look equally as amazing!

Here are three steps that make a difference:

1. Concealer is Your Friend. As we age the center of the face (inner part of the eyes (near the bridge of your nose), under your eyes, along the nostrils and the lines down to the mouth) can begin to get a tad dark and shadowy.  If you lighten up that part of your face, you feel instantly lighter, brighter and more youthful.  Use a good concealer in that area before applying your foundation.
   
   Hint: Apply a tiny bit of translucent powder over the concealer to set it.
2. Maintain Your Eyebrows.Our eyebrows are one part of our face that we tend to neglect or just plain ignore.  As we get older they often become a bit more sparse or short.  Using a powder or pencil (I’m a fan of powder because it tends to look very natural and is easy to apply) in a tone that complements your hair and skintone will make a huge difference.Unless you are super handy with the tweezers, have your brows professionally shaped.  The difference will surprise and delight you!
   
   Hint: If, up until now, you have done very little to your brows, allow a little time for adjustment.  Changing them can be a bit disconcerting but commit to stick with the change for at least a week.  By then, it will most likely feel just right.
   
   
3. Line & Define. Want to draw focus to your eyes?  You can skip the eyeshadow but always apply eyeliner.  And, here’s the clincher…I know it’s harder to do, but you must apply it to the top lid.  Lining the bottom lashline is optional (and it often depends on factors like under eye circles, the size of your eye, how comfortable you are with a little extra makeup, etc.).  Never, I repeat, never, line only the bottom lash line.  With rare exceptions, this will just make your eyes look bottom heavy rather than give a lift to your face and draw focus to the beauty of your eye color (which is the ultimate goal of eyeliner, of course).
   
   Hint: Powder liner is generally the most natural looking (and easiest to learn to apply) but if you are handy with an eyeliner pencil (natural colors only, please) then go for it.  And, liquid liner often looks hard and overpowering, so I recommend avoiding it!

I gave up on New Year resolutions a long time ago.  I got tired of feeling badly when I didn’t do what I said I would do.  Since then I have learned that it’s all about me and not about the expectations of others or the time of year.

By now, most people have either made their New Year resolutions or have cynically (or just indifferently) poo-poo’ed them as a waste time.  It seems that these days few people embark on a resolution with gusto and determination and even fewer actually maintain it.

Why?

My philosophy is that we bite off more than we can chew and expect big-time instant gratification.  Guess what…the problem is not with the instant gratification…that can happen.  The problem lies with the “big-time” part.

We don’t want to just lose 2 pounds.  Anyone who has seen the Biggest Loser knows that unless you’re losing double digits every week, you’re not cutting it, right?  Wrong!

What about starting an exercise program or carving out time to meditate.  We expect perfection immediately, e.g., an hour a day at the gym or 30 minutes of focused breathing when in the past all we’ve ever done is buy a gym membership and tour the facility or we’ve sat quietly for 30 seconds (which felt like 2 hours) before we’ve given up on our intention.

The same can be true when creating a wardrobe and personal style.  I’ve seen it happen over and over — good intentions mixed with unbridled enthusiasm.  Yay!  Then, a week or a month later, the intentions get watered down or they turn completely sour and the enthusiasm, well, let me just say that there’s more despair than joy involved.

Don’t let this happen to you!

I’d like to share 3 very important steps for creating a resolution that truly inspires positive change.  Use these steps to strengthen your resolution and your resolve and make the experience fun and inspiring.

1. Be Kind To Yourself.

If you go into a resolution with the sentiment that, “I’m a mess.  I look terrible in all my clothes because I’ve gained weight since (fill in the blank).  Nothing fits…I’ll never look good in anything…I’m too short…my hips are too big…I hate to shop”…you get the idea, then guess what!  Your mind is saying, “Yikes, get me out of here.  Let’s just live in sweats and forget it.  This is going to be too painful and not fun!”

Stop right there!  Catch yourself the next time this happens (sometimes we do it so automatically that we are not even aware of it).  I can tell you that every time you say something mean or demeaning about yourself (even in “fun”), your mind takes you seriously.

But, that can be a great first step: become aware of self-talk that is not serving you. Find something to replace it.  Maybe something like, “Every day I feel better and better about my body and am excited about creating a style I love.”  Check out books by Louise Hay – www.louisehay.com for guidance in learning how to bring more personal kindness into your life.  Just try it (even if you are rolling your eyes and think I’m crazy).

It works…just ask Kim Raymond:

“I have been using your mantra of ‘more and more I feel…’ and it is so empowering.  Saying I am beautiful wasn’t working for me but the ‘more and more I feel beautiful, powerful, etc.’ is absolutely working AND happening!  Woohoo.”  — Kim Raymond

2. Be Specific About Why!

Why do you want a wardrobe and personal style you love?

Yes, maybe being able to get dressed quickly and easily every morning is a part of it.  Maybe you are sick of wearing the same old thing or maybe you decline invitations because you don’t know what to wear.

That’s all important stuff to know.  But, be absolutely sure to also think about how it will make you feel to have a wardrobe and personal style you love. How will it change your life and your psyche or your inner spirit? Take a few minutes and write down what this will mean for you.  If it feels scary, admit that.  If it feels like a weight will be lifted off your shoulders, acknowledge that…whatever it is, just listen.

This is the step that will catapult you from wishing and longing to making progress toward your dream.

3. Have a Plan.

Most people create resolutions about things they don’t like to do or don’t really want to do but feel like they should do.  That’s a recipe for disaster and failure.  It often features deprivation, coercion and requires lots and lots of self-motivation.  So guess what…when the going gets tough, it’s natural to say, “I can’t do this.”

Who wants to spend her life beating herself up every minute because she “should” be doing something she doesn’t want to do or doesn’t know how to do.

A plan will help and, by all means, make it manageable and, yup, fun!  If you need to clean out your closet, invite a friend over for tea or wine to help, or if you want to go shopping, don’t just wander out aimlessly to the biggest department store you can find.  If you hate to shop, this will make your head spin, and it definitely won’t be fun!

Instead, find a small store that looks interesting (be it a cute, little boutique or maybe a new consignment shop).  Go in with a plan.  Decide you want to look at tops or accessories or jackets.  You don’t necessarily have to buy anything but just look around (keep it light and fun).

Explore and see what you learn about yourself.  If you come out empty-handed, applaud yourself for not buying something mediocre or settling for something that you had any questions about.  If you buy something, be sure you LOVE it and that it makes you smile.

If you try this and you feel overwhelmed or frustrated, then a little extra support will serve you well.  You could go with a trusted (not pushy!) friend, seek the help of a saleswoman you like, or get support, for example, by way of my body image, self-esteem and style home study program “Who Taught You How To Dress?” (www.whotaughtyouhowtodress.com)

Most importantly, don’t give up.  Just remind yourself that you learned something about yourself and go to plan B (get support!).

So, here’s your homework:

___   Be kind to yourself

___   Be specific about why you want a wardrobe and personal style you love (how will that change your life and your inner spirit)

___   Have a plan (and go to plan B (get support) if you need a little extra TLC)

I know what some of you are thinking.  Hey, I thought you were going to tell me 3 things that I should buy that will update my wardrobe for the New Year.  This other stuff feels like work!

Be honest…is this what you were thinking?  If yes, let me tell you that I completely understand.  Here’s the truth, though.  How long have you been struggling with your wardrobe and personal style?  How many new years have passed at the end of which you are still in the same stuck place?

It’s these steps above that set the groundwork for making a huge breakthrough!  If this were not true, you could read one fashion magazine or book and be done with it.  You’d be all set.  It really doesn’t work that way, as I’m sure you know.

“Anything worth doing is worth doing well,” (words of wisdom from my mom). And, feeling good about who you are and having a wardrobe that supports that definitely falls into this category.  And, let me add that it can be fun.  It doesn’t have to feel like hard work all the time.

What’s really hard work is living with a wardrobe that doesn’t inspire you! So, take the challenge.  Do your homework and the payoff will be great.

Let this be the year that you honor who you are and let your inner radiance shine through.  All it takes is one step at a time!  Begin today and you WILL see results.

Recently, I stopped into one of my favorite stores – the Studio in Brookline, MA to pick up something they were holding for me.  Shopping in July is nothing short of hit or miss (often more miss than hit), but they had some inviting sales going on throughout the store, so I had to take a peek.

Our summer has been unseasonably hot, hot, hot!  Very little rain, temperatures topping 90 and humidity hovering around the miserable level.  As a result, my sleeveless tops haven’t seen this much action in at least 5 years.

It also makes wearing pants rather unappealing, so one of the things I have been looking for is more casual skirts. The fashion world, however, has had other ideas, and the pickings (overall) were slim.  Dresses, yes…skirts, not so much.  (The Studio actually had one of the best selections of skirts of any store this past spring.)

As I perused the racks, I thought I’d see what (if anything) they had left for cute skirts.  Two items caught my eye right away. One was a green/yellow/brown jersey skirt.  The other was a dressy dress.  Ooops, not what I was looking for, but hey, there it was.  It was a gorgeous ombré (gradation of color from dark to light) design of blue floating down into a shimmery taupe.  I was intrigued enough to try both on.

The skirt was nice but the dress was amazing!  My first thought was, “Well, the skirt is practical and the dress isn’t.  It’s also comfortable and a great price…”

Then, I asked myself the most critical (and revealing) question of all, “Do I love the skirt?  Am I excited to wear it?”

The answer was a resounding NO!  Practical, yes.  Comfortable, yes.  Great price, yes.  Fabulous…no!

In my heart I knew that if I got it, it would be okay.  But, as I tell all my clients, okay is never good enough! Do that often enough and you end up with a ho-hum wardrobe (one of the reasons many women come to me in the first place).  It’s a slippery slope so you have to be vigilant.

The dress, on the other hand, made me smile.  It felt great (very comfortable), was a great price, and I felt like Grace Kelly wearing it!  I admit I even had to squelch the urge to wear it home.

Yes, I have no occasion to wear it right now.  But, there are two things I tell all my clients:

1. When you find a dressy outfit you love, buy it – even if you have no dressy event on your calendar!  If you wait until you need something, you can’t always find what you want and often end up settling for something second rate.
2. If you buy it, the universe will eventually reward you with an occasion to wear it. (Or, as I talk about in Chapter 7 of “Who Taught You How To Dress?” – there are all kinds of creative ways to wear something you are saving.)

So, what do you think is hanging in my closet now?  That’s right!  The dress, and I know I’ll be wearing it before too long and will feel great.

Do I miss the skirt?  I miss the idea of a skirt but I don’t miss that particular skirt.  I’ll just keep looking.  I learned first hand a long time ago that it is never worth it to settle for something you don’t love.

Have you had a similar shopping experience?  If so, which choice did you make and how has it worked out (or not) for you?

This morning I woke up, and it was already in the upper 80′s. I don’t have air conditioning, so it’s not a pretty picture! I so live by the ocean, however, where a typical summer has maybe 4 or 5 days (at the most) when it’s unbearably hot. This year is already different and it’s only July!

One look at my schedule told me I couldn’t just stay home and wear my pretty teal sundress around the house. I was meeting a client at Denise Hajjar’s (a Boston designer) to choose the fabric for her wedding gown. It’s not a pretty picture getting dressed when the temperatures and the humidity soar (unless you are sequestered away in an air conditioned home). Believe me, nothing feels good when you are hot and sticky.

Everything I considered in my closet felt stifling. Lined pants…nope. A lined jacket…definitely not. A long sleeved jacket…forget it. I was running out of options fast. What’s left? A dress? Well, hmmm…that presents a whole other host of considerations.

I wear pants most of the time so very few people have seen me in a dress. It’s not because I don’t like dresses. I do. It’s the whole redhead, white, freckly leg thing. It means putting on stockings, and I prefer to avoid that whenever possible.

That said, I realized that a pair of stockings (toe-less so I could wear peep-toe slingbacks) was far preferable to pants and a jacket. So, I put on my simple Joseph Ribkoff dress, pretty jewelry, grabbed a cardigan in case I needed it and headed out. I got a compliment right away heading into the bank on my way into Boston. The best part was that I felt summery and unencumbered (even wearing stockings!).

So, what are a few tips for dressing well when you have to be out in the heat?

• Dress in layers. That way you can be cool walking around outside (or sitting in your car waiting for the air conditioning to cool it down) but look and feel professional at the office.
• Skim your body. Wearing clothes that are too tight will only add to the discomfort factor. Wear clothes that skim your body, show your shape without being glued to your skin. (This is good advice no matter what season it is!)
• Choose your fabrics wisely. Cotton and linen are great for cool dressing in the summer. But, some of you have a great aversion to linen (and, I know some of you love it). In general, linen looks best when it is lined (which might make it less appealing on a hot day) or when it is blended with another fabric to help control the wrinkle-factor. Cotton is great, but again, it’s often best when mixed with another fabric to help it hold its shape. The simple jersey microfiber dresses are fabulous and virtually wrinkle-proof.
• Lighten up your colors. Dark colors absorb the heat, so wearing lighter or brighter colors can help make you feel cool both literally and on an emotional level – because they are cheerier than dark colors on a bright, summer day.
• Sleeve length. 3/4 length sleeves are your friend. Somehow just baring that bit of forearm feels so much cooler than longer sleeves and yet still has a professional feel. (Beware of cap sleeves. While they are everywhere they actually flatter very few arms!)
• Summer legs. Okay, this is a topic many want to avoid and some will vehemently want to disagree. If you work in a conservative field and wear a dress or skirt, yes, stockings are important. They add a sense of professionalism, refinement and decorum. Save bare legs for more casual situations. You don’t have to wear pantyhose, however, thigh highs work wonders and they do make toeless panty hose that are fabulous.

If you want to know 10 styles to avoid, check out this month’s seminar on July 20 for those of you in the Boston area. (http://www.totalimageconsultants.com/events.shtml#unflattering)

The other day I was people watching as I walked around a local Target buying a new, pretty (ocean blue (in case you are wondering)) bath mat. One of the things I was struck by was the abundance of ratty sweatshirts (believe me, they had seen better days), ill-fitting capris and sneakers worn by women shoppers. Yes, I know it was a Sunday afternoon and everyone was clearly in errand-mode and wanted to be comfy. Mostly, I felt sad that these women were so harried and distracted. It was clear that their personal appearance was low on their list of priorities.

Are you nodding in agreement? Feeling a connection to these women? Do you position yourself at the top or the bottom of your priority list?

As a woman, you are conditioned to believe that you are first and foremost a nurturer of others (sometimes to the exclusion of everything else). As a result you often ignore or poo-poo your own needs and desires to satisfy the never-ending demands on your time and energy. Do you tell yourself that surely something as inconsequential as how you look cannot possibly be important enough to take time away from your other pressing responsibilities?

I cannot begin to tell you how often women share with me that they just stand in front of their closets and cry when they get dressed to go almost anywhere. After they do that often enough, one of two things happens – either they give up completely and dress on autopilot just putting on whatever is clean and “not horrible” (their words, not mine). Or, they stomp their foot and say enough.

Recently, a client of mine told me that her husband was so upset watching her get ready to go out for an evening with friends. He hated (and felt helpful to offer assistance) that she felt so deflated and unattractive because she had nothing to wear that made her feel good. Does any of this sound familiar?

What I have discovered over the years is that rarely are women low on their own priority list by design. It is often more that all their attempts to create a personal style and wardrobe they love have been thwarted – they can’t find things they like when they shop or they don’t know what looks good on them, so they give up and concentrate on others. It’s easier, more satisfying and causes less personal angst.
What is keeping you from putting yourself high on your priority list?
___ Guilt (that you should be doing for others instead)

___ Frustration (don’t know what looks good on you or can’t find it when you do shop)

___ Body image issues (you don’t feel like you deserve to look good)

___ Overwhelm (you don’t know where to begin and/or find it impossible to navigate the stores)

___ Other

If it is one or more of the above, list them in order of priority and begin to address them one at a time. Just like everyone else, you deserve to (and can) look good and feel good about how you look every day. Why settle any longer for “not horrible” or worse. Unsure where to start? I can help.

1. Start by reading Cheryl Richardson’s book “Take Time For Your Life” and find the chapter on “Get Your Priorities Straight.”

2. Next, I recommend Cheryl’s book “Stand Up For Your Life” and check out the chapter called “Stop Hiding Your Power” (Cheryl talks about my work with women and the benefits of feeling good about how you look.)

3. Finally, get a copy of my personal style home study program
“Who Taught You How To Dress?”

Yes, we all have demands on our time – many of them important. The nice thing about creating a look you love is that with a short investment of time in the beginning you can have a lifetime of feeling good about how you look! Start now so you can feel great about how you look now and for years to come!

**Need more personal assistance, fill out my ‘I Need Help’ form and we’ll set up a free ‘Discover Your Style’ phone consultation.

Have you ever had a friend or sales person marvel at how amazing you look in, say, a scarf tied beautifully around your neck but all you can think of is how much longer do I need to wear this thing!? Or, perhaps you have seen women wearing 4” heels and love how they look so you buy yourself a pair. The first time you wear them, your feet are in agony for days afterwards. Still hopeful, you keep them in your closet and glance at them from time to time with a mix of longing and bitterness but never again do they adorn your feet.

As I mentioned in my letter this month, I am always cold so feeling warm is imperative when I dress every day. I rarely wear a short skirt in the winter for that reason (too many unworn skirts in the past!), and I never buy 3/4 length sleeve tops for the winter unless I know I have a sweater or jacket I can wear over it. (Yes, that extra 6 inches of exposed skin makes a big difference. I keep waiting for the trend of wearing gloves indoors to make a serious comeback but I suspect I have a long wait!)

As you know, I am a big believer in exploring new possibilities. Its how we find out what we really like and don’t like, and it is a way to keep us from getting bored or to understand how to dress our bodies as they change with the years. That said, however, there are often certain things that are just off limits things we know about ourselves that others might not that impact the choices we make and what we will and will not wear.

Take a peek at the things in your closet that you don’t wear (some might even still have tags?). Is it just that they don’t have the other pieces to complete the outfit or perhaps it doesn’t fit right now (those are all issues for another time!), or is there something more? Perhaps it is in a fabric that itches and you are extremely sensitive to the feel of the fabric against your skin (not everyone is). Maybe it exposes a scar on your arm that you are sensitive about.

The next time you put something on and find yourself anxious to take it off again, explore more fully why that might be. It’s possible you will learn something very valuable about yourself. Something that will help you shop in the future and keep you from buying things you won’t ever wear.

There are many, many reasons we impose limitations on ourselves about what we think we can and cannot wear. Many can be overcome or tweaked so that they are no longer limiting. I have found, however, that most true fashion needs are not simply a matter of personal preference but have more to do with physical comfort. Do you have any needs that you have been ignoring?

I am letting my hair grow…again!  Anyone who has known me any length of time is rolling her eyes and saying, so what else is new!  It’s true.  I change my hairstyle often and always have.  My biggest issue with it is (no surprise) why letting my hair grow has to take so long?  I don’t want extensions…I just want my hair to be longer now!  Tell me you haven’t experienced this, too!

Then I thought, okay I’m now in my 50′s…it’s time to stop whining about it.  So, I decided that while the end result of having it longer will be great, enjoying it during the growing out phase is important.  Whoa, what a breakthrough.  I no longer have to spend months of my life finding my hair disagreeable.  Then, I realized I had to figure out how to make this feel good or else I was just paying lip service to this new epiphany.

The other day when I was having my hair colored I mentioned to Ed, my colorist, that at the length my hair is now I sometimes feel like an aging version of the Little Dutch Boy of paint can fame.  He laughed (notice he didn’t disagree) and said, “Well, you have to put it behind your ears or play with it a bit until you get past this look.”   So, since my ears are not my favorite feature (I go through phases of feeling comfortable wearing my hair behind my ears) and since it is winter and that makes my ears cold anyway, I opted for taking a different tactic – big earrings.

Big earrings are “in” even more this season than they have been, and I have my fair share of good-sized earrings.  What a difference.  They hang right below my hair (I have a long neck which helps), and they look great (and take a little focus away from my hair).  So, until my hair grows another inch and you can’t see the earrings anymore, I have found a solution that feels good.  I’d love to hear what you have done to get you through that growing out phase (short of cutting it again, that is!).

Bugs are not cuddly or cute (well, at least to most people they aren’t).  In fact, they are often scary or creepy looking.  Think about it.  When was the last time you cooed over a spider or hugged a beetle?  So, when I tell people that, as a vegan, I do not wear silk or use lipstick with carmine in it they shake their heads.  What’s the big deal?

Like most people I grew up with a fly swatter in the house and my first apartment after college had cockroaches which we regularly exterminated.  So, who would think that today I would get all riled up about what happens to bugs!

To be honest, I never really thought about bugs as living beings in terms of their capacity for suffering.  Bugs were bugs and they didn’t take up much space in my head (or heart).  The more I have learned, however, the more respect I have for who they are and what they do – and, most importantly, for their right to live free from our interference and abuse.

Let’s look briefly at three of the most commonly farmed insects.

Silkworms
Silk worms create their cocoons out of raw silk – actually, one long continuous thread (from 1000 to 3000 feet long).  When ready, the silk worm will eat its way out of the cocoon but, guess what…that action breaks the threads rendering the silk useless (for our use).  So, what do we do (in most cases)?  We throw the unbroken cocoons (with the silk worm still alive) into boiling water.  This kills the silkworm and leaves the thread intact.

Carmine (Cochineal) Beetles
It comes as a surprise to many to learn that the carmine (or cochineal) beetle is one of the primary sources of the red dyes in cosmetics (it is also used in food and by the pharmaceutical industry to color pills).  Since the fact that it comes from a beetle is left off the label, most people don’t give it much thought.  These beetles (like the silkworm) are harvested or farmed and then boiled alive before being dried to produce the sought-after dye.  You can learn more here http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cochineal

Bees
Bees are the most well-known farmed insect.  This is a huge topic – way too big for this article.  You can read more here: http://www.totalimageconsultants.com/fs-veganbeeornottobeeJan08.shtml

As you can imagine, so many people do not want to acknowledge what we do to cuddly animals in the name of fashion, so it comes as no surprise that it’s a lot harder to garner sympathy for creepy, crawly bugs.  My purpose here is to raise awareness on a topic that most people have never even considered.  I cannot help but encourage you to bring as much awareness and compassion as possible to the clothing and personal care choices you make.  I promise it’s easy to do and getting easier every day.  In fact, as I write this I am on my way to support a woman who has designed absolutely gorgeous, warm, cruelty-free winter coats.  I couldn’t have said that just a year ago!

Want to know more about being a vegan?  Listen to my new Vegan radio show:

Join me, Ginger Burr, a long-time self-described health nut and image consultant, and Marion Davis, a former serious meat eater and self-esteem guru as we explore the ins and outs of being a vegan on our talk radio show “Vegan and the Living Is Easy,” — every other Monday evening at 8 pm (eastern)  http://www.totalimageconsultants.com/VeganRadioDiva.shtml.  The next show is scheduled for Monday, February 22.