We are a society that is obsessed with being young. Our culture revolves around it. The media glorifies it. And, our mirrors reflect it (or not!). And, with each passing day, it seems we become more and more aware of whether we are meeting or falling short of these arbitrary standards.

Whether you are fast approaching 30 or about to cross the 65-year mark doesn’t really matter. The issues change only slightly but the focus is the same – how to maintain a youthful appearance and healthy, energetic attitude. It’s a constant source of conversation among women as we compare notes and recognize body parts that are changing before our eyes. On the surface it’s a good thing. Staying youthful and enjoying life is good. But, the problem arises when we spend an inordinate amount of time assessing how we measure up or trying to hide or ignore the fact that we are getting older.

Hardly a week goes by that I do not have a regular conversation with friends and clients on this topic. Conventional society reveres youth, and the wisdom and natural beauty that come with aging are rarely given the respect they deserve (especially for women). In most of these conversations, the discussion usually comes down to how do you age gracefully. Does it mean accepting without reservation all that comes with getting older? Do you have to buy into the growing market of cosmetic surgeries and additional “beauty” treatments in order to look in the mirror and feel youthful? If not, how do you compete (and by that I mean feel comfortable with who you are) when the standard of youthful aging is constantly been raised?

We have all seen celebrities who have taken their quest for youth to an extreme with a seemingly endless series of cosmetic surgeries that result in a taut, pursed, unnatural look. Some women have gone to the other extreme and relinquish all effort to feel good about how they look because they feel like it’s a losing battle.

Wrinkles, sagging skin, shifting weight and gray hair make us aware of time passing and are seen as unfortunate by-products of getting older. And, guess what! Whether we embrace it or dread it, no amount of lotions, potions, praying, exercise, good genes or plastic surgery can keep it at bay forever. So, for those of us who fall somewhere in the middle, how do we make choices that make us happy? And, most importantly, how do you make peace with the aging process without losing yourself completely as in the extremes above?

Getting Perspective:

When you think back to when you were a child or teenager, what were the older women in your family like? I remember a friend’s mother putting cold cream on her face at night because that was the only “anti-aging” product available. One of my aunts, who looked exactly like the Queen of England for as long as I can remember, wore no makeup, let her hair go gray and adjusted her dress size as her weight shifted. She offered no apologies and had seemingly little or no angst associated with it. Few older women dyed their hair (at least in my town), no one whitened their teeth (was that even invented then?) and if someone had plastic surgery it was very hush-hush and you could barely tell. To be honest, I don’t remember anyone having had it done in my town.

I can’t say all of these women eagerly embraced the aging experience but they certainly were not grasping at youth, and there was no encouragement to do so that I know of. Maybe it was easier then or maybe not. Perhaps they felt discouraged or resigned to wrinkles and sagging skin, but there was not the pressure to do something about it.

Actually, in all my wondering I decided to call my mom and ask her if my memory served me well. She didn’t hesitate a second before sharing that, “In my 30’s and 40’s I didn’t go around with a group that worried about whether our chins sagged. We didn’t talk about getting older. We were a happy group and content with ourselves.”

What a gift! While I’m sure women today can be happy with themselves they are still bucking the current of pressure to address every line and age spot that appears, and the standards are certainly different today than they were 30 or 40 years ago. When you see celebrities who are 60 or 70 looking 40 or 50 (or at least trying to) it’s hard not to consider how we, personally, measure up.

My mom added that, “We weren’t comparing ourselves to each other or to movie stars. It’s not that we didn’t care how we looked. We were all about fashion and loved getting dressed up (we’d each buy 2 dresses before going to a party because we weren’t sure which one we wanted to wear) and loved having our hair done. But, we didn’t notice wrinkles even when they came, and we didn’t feel old. There wasn’t the pressure there is today to have everything fixed.”

As we talked I found myself wishing that we could turn back the clock. These days it seems we have to make a conscious decision to be okay with how we look rather than have it just be a non-issue. And, it would be nice to have the playing field leveled again. Right now, there’s an unattainable standard of beauty for women over age 50 (and often much younger) that bears no resemblance to how we age naturally. So, even if you’ve taken good care of yourself all of your life you cannot compete with women who are having multiple treatments done. So, what do you do?

If you take my mom’s advice, she’ll tell you to “go with the flow and you’ll have fewer worries and won’t wrinkle so fast.” There’s definitely truth to that statement. But, what do you do when you’re already worried and wondering how to keep up?

Tips for Embracing the Aging Process

Since we can’t turn back the clock to a time when there was less focus on not aging, and we can’t erase the awareness from our consciousness, here are a few tips I use to keep me feeling good most of the time.

1. Don’t worry…be happy – Okay, so it sounds silly but I’ve watched friends age before my eyes when they’ve been under an inordinate amount of stress. Stress causes blood flow to your skin to be restricted, it makes you frown more and it can cause inflammation. None of this makes you feel beautiful or relaxed. And, over time, these internal stress responses will have long-term negative impact on your skin and your entire body. Regular meditation, exercise, fun distractions or positive affirmations can all contribute to a happier feeling and positive energy. Yes, it takes effort and focus to move away from stressful situations but the results are worth it in the end on many levels.
2. Focus on your health – Take it from someone who knows. When you don’t feel well you don’t feel happy or beautiful. Protect your health. Eat well, avoid toxins, exercise, sleep and play. While it’s not always easy to do these things, the effects of uncontrolled stress, are not fun or pretty.
3. Banish your magnifying mirrors – I understand that sometimes they are necessary for applying eye makeup but if so, stick to that and then put them away. Don’t spend time examining and critiquing your face through a 5- or 10-magnitude mirror. Yikes! Everyone on the planet can find something to obsess about in one of those. And, while we’re on the topic of mirrors, try to avoid mirrors that have overhead lighting. They make everyone look tired and old.
4. Always wear your best colors – This one probably should be first! In fact, during my conversation with my mom and without any prompting from me, she told a story about a friend who is now in her mid-80’s. Every time she sees this woman she is dressed nicely and is wearing beautiful colors that make her glow. This is true at any age and even more important as we get older. Sure, you might have to hold out a bit to find your best colors in the stores, but it’s worth the wait to look radiant and beautiful all of your life. (And, your colors do not stay the same throughout your life. If it has been more than 10 years since you’ve had a color analysis done (or your hair color has changed), it’s time to do it again.)
5. Smile – This is my new way of coping. I don’t see the lines around my lips or the softening of my jaw when I smile so I take every opportunity to do so. See…I made you smile!
6. Do what makes you feel good – If you look in the mirror and all you can see is dark spots on your face or lines around your lips and it’s that all-consuming, find out what your options are to soften those concerns. There’s no right or wrong way to address your experience with aging. When it comes to making choices about feeling youthful, only you can decide for yourself.

So, take a good look in the mirror and what do you see? Look past the lines, spots or gray hairs (if they bother you) and identify what it means to be the age you are. Perhaps make a list of what makes you happy and what doesn’t. Start by focusing more on what you feel good about. Then, choose one thing that is pestering you about getting older, and find out what you can do to ease that discomfort. Maybe a good first step is to whiten your teeth, get a new haircut or buy a top in a gorgeous color instead of black. If plastic surgery or a non-invasive skin treatment is the answer, then get a referral from a trusted source, and check it out. Or, the next time you have tea with friends encourage them to talk about what they love about themselves rather than what is making them feel old. Lighten the energy and help each other see how beautiful you are at whatever age you are now. We thrive on this kind of connection and need to create our own support network when the media and society ignore or harass us. Don’t buy into their youth-crazed messages.

Will there still be days when we wish we had firm knees again, a tiny waist or our natural colored hair? Sure. But even if it means lengthening your dresses a bit or buying a top that skims your waist instead of accentuating it or finding out what colors make your gray or colored hair look amazing, you can look and feel great now. This is your personal journey. It is worth it to find out how to make peace with aging gracefully so you can enjoy every step along the way!

Not too long ago I was attending a social event and was introduced to two lovely women who arrived together. We struck up a conversation about (what else!) fashion, and at one point one of the women turned to her friend and said, “I wish I had your body.” Without missing a beat, the other woman rolled her eyes and replied, “Oh, please!” and then launched into a litany of why no one else would ever want her body. Meanwhile, I’m standing there thinking how attractive and bright both of these women are.

Does this scenario sound familiar? Have you witnessed it or been an active part of it many times over the years? We are often unaware of the damage these statements or experiences have on our psyche, our self-esteem, and our ability to create a wardrobe we love. It seems that throughout our lifetime we are trained to quietly (and often using humor to offset the sadness and meanspiritedness (although rarely is this purposeful)) belittle ourselves, and, as a result, women have cornered the market on self-deprecating remarks.

This is not a good thing. As Louise Hay will tell you, language is a powerful thing. “Self-approval and self-acceptance in the now are the main keys to positive changes in every area of our lives.” Think about it…

Have you ever had someone compliment you on your hair and say, “Oh, wow…it’s driving me crazy today. It never seems to do what I want it to and the humidity just makes it …” Or, someone admires your sweater and you say, “Thanks. I wish I didn’t have to wear it. I’m so hot but my arms are so flabby that I don’t feel comfortable exposing them.”

How about instead that you just say, “Thank you! You made my day!” Then, inwardly take a deep breath and maybe take it one step further. You don’t have to say anything else out loud. Instead think to yourself, “Wow, how fabulous that my hair looks good on such a day. That’s great news since my hair appointment is still a week away.” Find a way to make it feel good. You don’t have to lie and say to yourself (or anyone else) that you are lucky to have the most amazing hair in the world (unless you honestly believe that and then that’s awesome). Otherwise, as my mother frequently says, “If you don’t have anything nice to say don’t say anything at all.”

What are you saying to yourself about your body that keeps you stuck in a rut? Be careful about shrugging it off as good-natured kidding or insignificant conversation. These comments are much more damaging to your psyche than you might know.

Here’s a little exercise to do today: Watch your language.

• When someone compliments you, do you explain that it’s a fluke or look at them like they are nutty?
• Do you regularly commiserate with other women about self-perceived body flaws?
• Do you look in the mirror and focus immediately on the parts of your body you are unhappy with?

The good news is that this is a habit you can change immediately. While you will probably slip from time to time the more you notice what you say the easier it is to change it:

• Awareness is the first step to positive change. The next time you receive a compliment (no matter how misdirected you might think it is), say thank you and smile (and pretend, if you have to, to yourself like you knew it all along). Not only that but you’ll be modeling healthy behavior to other women. What a gift!
• No more gripe sessions with your friends. Tell them you are on a new path to self-acceptance and invite them to come along. Challenge them to say something lovely about themselves – get them started by offering them a genuine compliment. They will love doing the same for you.
• Become more aware of the body parts, features and personal traits about yourself that you truly appreciate. When you find yourself hyperfocusing on something you don’t like, allow your mind to float over to something you do like or some other characteristic of that body part, feature or personal trait that you do like.

For instance, I have thin lips. I was born that way and they seem to be getting thinner as I get older. Certainly not my first choice in lip shape but hey, it’s what I’ve got and I’m not planning on injecting anything. So, instead of focusing on the fact that they are thin, whenever that comes up or I notice it, I shift my thinking to the fact that they are smooth (rarely chapped), and I think I have a really nice smile. It always makes me feel better and I know it’s helpful to my body chemistry to have good feeling thoughts flowing through rather than negative, stressful ones. Try it for yourself and see.

As I mentioned above, does this mean you have to go around saying happy things outloud to everyone you meet about the parts of your body you aren’t in love with? No. Absolutely not. It just means don’t say negative things about them either.

This is a very big topic. What I’m offering here is the tip of the iceberg. Your words have power – both negative and positive. Why not let yours lean more towards the positive. You might be surprised at the results.

Remember, like everything else, this is just the beginning. Take little steps. Don’t try to do too much at once and certainly don’t berate yourself or you’ll feel overwhelmed and give up. If you need help, check out Louise Hay’s CD, “The Power of Your Spoken Word.”

Make it a game and practice it regularly. If you are like most of us you’ll have plenty of opportunity to perfect it. With practice it will become second nature, and the personal benefits are worth it.

What did you learn about yourself from part 1 where we discussed how living with a wardrobe you don’t love undermines your spirit, sacrifices your dreams and wastes your time? What are your hidden costs of having an uninspired wardrobe?

Keep those notes handy because now we are going to talk about how you start to create a wardrobe and personal style you love. (If you missed Part 1, here’s the link)

The truth is that this is a journey…a life-long experience. It isn’t something you do once and then it’s done forever. Yes, creating a personal style you love means paying attention, but first and foremost it means making some changes if you don’t already have a wardrobe you adore. The only way you lose is if you give up!

So, here are 3 steps to help you make changes now:

1. Organize your existing wardrobe. Okay, before you panic and say that’s worse than shopping, I’m here to help. My new FREE e-course (which you can get by subscribing to my Nurturing Beauty Publication) is now available and will take you step by step (baby steps, really!) through this cleansing and uplifting (yes, it will be uplifting) journey. Please promise you won’t skip this step before going on to the next one. This step is first for a reason. Trying to create a personal style you love while your closet is filled with stuff that doesn’t serve you will only lead to frustration and discouragement – I’ve seen it happen many times (and have done it myself!).
2. Identify one element missing from your wardrobe. Please resist the temptation to make a list the size of the phone book of things that are missing from your wardrobe. That will only overwhelm you and keep you from moving forward. Choose just onefor now.
   • Let’s say it’s shoes. I know there’s a good chance there are lots of reasons you don’t have the shoes you need (wide feet, can’t wear heels, bunions, long, narrow feet, wear orthotics, etc.). Don’t go there. Focus on what you do want, e.g., pretty basic shoes to go with pants, a charming pair of shoes to go with a skirt…or whatever will make you happy). Then…
   • People watch. See what shoes other women are wearing. Look for ones you like that you think might fit your requirements. (Don’t take time to bemoan about what won’t work for you. Keep your focus on what you do want.) When you see someone wearing a pair of shoes you like, stop her. Tell her you love her shoes and was wondering where she got them. I bet she’ll be delighted you noticed and will be happy to share.
   • Shop somewhere new. So many people get stuck shopping at the same place over and over. If you don’t like the results, it’s time to find some new places to shop. Even if you think you’ve tried everywhere, keep looking. There are always new places popping up and stores that seem to be the world’s best-kept secrets. If you are open to finding them they will appear. I’ve seen it happen over and over.(Do the same thing if your critical need is a new haircut, a dress for a wedding, bathing suit or even basic black pants – whatever your critical need is. There’s always an answer.)
3. Keep it positive. If you go shopping with the attitude that there are no shoes out there that fit you…that your feet are impossible and everything hurts…all the good shoes are too expensive…guess what you’ll find! Yup, you guessed it – you’ll get exactly what you expect. Start to change all that now (and don’t beat yourself up if you fall back into old habits or don’t at first succeed…just keep going).If your experience has been one way for a long time, just congratulate yourself on every little success (no matter how small) along the way. It will pay off in the end. So, picture yourself wearing the most beautiful pair of shoes (don’t get hung up on the specifics – go with the feeling), or perfectly fitting black pants or whatever you are looking. Keep this picture and feeling front and center as you shop.

Bonus: Only buy and wear something if you love it and think it is beautiful. There are no exceptions. This is your opportunity to bring beauty back (if it has been missing) to your wardrobe and style.

Be diligent in following these steps, and you will see a difference.

Little successes add up to big successes. Keep this concept in mind when you are feeling frustrated. Whatever you do, don’t give up! Support is always available.

This is a very important topic, and I recommend highly that you go back and read this more than once. We all need little reminders that we can have what we want. By understanding that you deserve it and by taking these baby steps, I promise you can feel great about the way you look.

If having a wardrobe and personal style you love seems elusive at best and time consuming and frustrating at worst, use these steps to help keep you focused and motivated, and celebrate each little success along the way!

What happens when you open your makeup bag every morning?  Do you think to yourself, “Yay, this is fun!” or do you think, “Why can’t I get it to look like the pictures in the magazine?”

One other thing…have you ever noticed that 99% of the makeup directions out there are given on women under 25 years old.  What’s that about?

Makeup does not look the same on mature skin and so many of those tips are useless.

While there is not a one-size-fits-all makeup application, there are a few techniques that can make a big difference when it comes to creating a finished look you like.

And, please, be kind to yourself.  If you are 40, 50 or 60, and especially if you have not had any cosmetic surgery, do not compare yourself to someone 20. It’s a whole different ballgame but that’s not to say you can’t look equally as amazing!

Here are three steps that make a difference:

1. Concealer is Your Friend. As we age the center of the face (inner part of the eyes (near the bridge of your nose), under your eyes, along the nostrils and the lines down to the mouth) can begin to get a tad dark and shadowy.  If you lighten up that part of your face, you feel instantly lighter, brighter and more youthful.  Use a good concealer in that area before applying your foundation.
   
   Hint: Apply a tiny bit of translucent powder over the concealer to set it.
2. Maintain Your Eyebrows.Our eyebrows are one part of our face that we tend to neglect or just plain ignore.  As we get older they often become a bit more sparse or short.  Using a powder or pencil (I’m a fan of powder because it tends to look very natural and is easy to apply) in a tone that complements your hair and skintone will make a huge difference.Unless you are super handy with the tweezers, have your brows professionally shaped.  The difference will surprise and delight you!
   
   Hint: If, up until now, you have done very little to your brows, allow a little time for adjustment.  Changing them can be a bit disconcerting but commit to stick with the change for at least a week.  By then, it will most likely feel just right.
   
   
3. Line & Define. Want to draw focus to your eyes?  You can skip the eyeshadow but always apply eyeliner.  And, here’s the clincher…I know it’s harder to do, but you must apply it to the top lid.  Lining the bottom lashline is optional (and it often depends on factors like under eye circles, the size of your eye, how comfortable you are with a little extra makeup, etc.).  Never, I repeat, never, line only the bottom lash line.  With rare exceptions, this will just make your eyes look bottom heavy rather than give a lift to your face and draw focus to the beauty of your eye color (which is the ultimate goal of eyeliner, of course).
   
   Hint: Powder liner is generally the most natural looking (and easiest to learn to apply) but if you are handy with an eyeliner pencil (natural colors only, please) then go for it.  And, liquid liner often looks hard and overpowering, so I recommend avoiding it!

We all have busy lives and we all want to feel good about how we look.  It sounds simple, I know, but sometimes those two things feel mutually exclusive, don’t they?  Let me assure, however, that they are not.

Sometimes it’s the little things that can make all the difference in the world, and sometimes we just need a little reminder to get off autopilot and create a new awareness.  And, because our lives are busy, the more we can streamline the issue of wardrobe and personal style, the easier it is to satisfyingly fit it into our lives in a meaningful way.

For instance, I have done many makeup consultations with women who complain that their lips are chapped and dry so their lipstick or gloss doesn’t look good.  One of the things I mention is that they might be licking their lips and that, while momentarily effective, actually causes your lips to dry out more.  Nine times out of 10 she’ll tell me she doesn’t lick her lips.  Then, proceeds to lick them about 20 times in the next 3 minutes.  What a freeing (albeit a tiny bit aggravating, I admit!) moment to find out you have a habit you were unaware of.  But, the good news is that with a little attention to the issue, it is easily resolved.

It is with that intention in mind that I offer to you ’3 Common Beauty Mistakes.’  If you find one that is true for you, it will create a new opportunity to pay attention and replace it with a new mindset or action that supports your desire to feel good about how you look (and do it as easily and joyfully as possible…yay!).

So here they are:

Buying By Price Alone:

I doubt there is a woman around (at least I don’t know one) who hasn’t done this.  For example, you see something on sale and you think, hmmmm, it was originally 10 times the price or you’ve always wanted something by this designer, or (remember this one?) you figure you’ll be able to fit into it soon, or you’ll find the piece to complete the outfit later, or maybe…you used to have something like this and loved it…you get the idea.

Clearly, there is nothing strategic about the purchase.  It is based primarily on fantasy and a desire to get a great deal.  While there is certainly nothing wrong with fantasy and great deals, sadly, it is not a great deal if you never wear it!  Remember, it’s price per wear and not the price you paid that is the most important. Keep this front and center in your mind when you shop those January sales!

Out of Sight Out of Mind:

Have you ever found something in your wardrobe, dresser or clothing trunk that you had totally forgotten about?  What delight ensues!  It’s like shopping in your own closet except you’ve lost months or maybe years of opportunity to wear the garment because you didn’t know you had it (oh…that part’s not so good).

This is one of the dilemmas of having too many clothes, too little storage space or not storing them efficiently (or all 3!).

Here’s the key: Keep as many things in plain sight as possible. Don’t tell anyone but I even hang many of my sweaters (unless they are really so heavy or delicate that it will damage them) so I remember I have them.  And, most of the ones I do not hang I store on a shelf in my closet – right in plain view.

And, one more tip…if you have those tiered hangers for pants or skirts, beware.  Unless you only have one so you know all your pants or skirts are in one place, they can be a closet nightmare.  Most women don’t know what they have on them and keep them only because they don’t take up much space or they don’t want to fiddle with the hanger to remove them.  And, they encourage you to have more clothes than you can wear!  With rare exceptions they are not doing you any favors.

Shopping When You Are Crabby:

Have you ever gone grocery shopping when you are SO hungry?  What happens?  Without fail, you either forget to buy things you needed or you buy things you wouldn’t normally purchase because they looked appealing in your famished state?

Well, clothing shopping is kind of like that only generally your mistakes cost more.  I remember once shopping with a woman who I had shopped with before but this time was different.  Everything I showed her she didn’t like without it even touching her body, or she’d put something on and immediately find a reason to dislike it.

We stopped shopping long enough for me to ask her how she was feeling and she said she’d had a really horrible day so far.  Everything was going wrong.  She was late for every appointment.  Her car was acting funny.  You name it, she had it going on.

So, I had her sit down and just breathe for a minute and then suggested we reschedule.  Her mood was going to keep her from making good choices that she loved and/or if she did purchase something it would always have that “bad day” feeling attached to it.  Who needs that!

Do not shop when you are crabby.  Either take 20 minutes and go have a cup of tea and relax and start over, or go home and do it another day.  It’s better to waste a few minutes than to waste hours (not to mention money) buying things you don’t love.

So, there you have it.  Three tried and true beauty mistakes we’ve all probably experienced at some point or another.  The key here is to keep them as past learning experiences and not a continual pattern!  Remember, awareness is step #1 and now you can move on to adjusting your habits so you get more joy and mileage out of both your shopping and dressing experiences!

As a teenager, going to the beach was an ordeal for me on many levels.  First of all, I’m white as white can be and so, while my friends basked in the sun all day, I’d be burned to a crisp within about 30 minutes.  But, that wasn’t all…

While I was sitting on the blanket wrapped in several towels, a sweatshirt, and a hat, I’d watch the other women sun bathers and…yup, you guessed it, I’d compare myself.  Trust me, to my way of thinking I NEVER measured up.

Mostly, I would study the legs of the women walking by.  Were there any attractive women who were knocked kneed.  Nope…never.  So, I always, always felt self-conscious walking on the beach.  I just imagined that everyone who saw me snickered at the shape of my legs.

Of course, the key word there is “imagined!”  Never, ever in my whole life has anyone pointed to my legs and laughed (at least that I’ve been able to see). I, however, am excruciatingly aware of the fact that my legs are not straight.

I used to cringe at the thought of wearing shorts for gym class in high school and college, and I spent the 80′s (when short skirts were the only length to wear) standing with my left knee bent so no one could tell it was crooked.

Phew!  Thankfully, I have come to terms with the fact that my legs are unique and have learned to appreciate that they are long and healthy.  Sure, I’d be delighted to wake up one morning with straight (and could they be a little less white, too, please) legs, but it’s more a fun fantasy than a sad longing.

It saddens me to think of the amount of time I spent suffering around this when all the time my friends would say, “we don’t see it,” or “you must hide it well,” or “it’s barely noticeable so what are you so worried about?”

What about you?

Take a few minutes to reflect on these questions:

• What body part do you scrutinize on other women and compare to your own body?

• How does that make you feel?

• Do you blow it out of proportion?  (Be honest here…)

• What would happen if you stopped hyper-focusing on it?

• Do you know what triggered it originally or what triggers your insecurity around it now?

What Do You Do Next?

• Admit it bugs you, and (yes, this is important) commit to making peace with it.

o   Visualize yourself smiling compassionately at that body part.  (I know, it sounds a little woo-woo, but it really does make a difference.)

o   Acknowledge the uniqueness of who you are and that that’s part of what makes you special (think Barbra Streisand’s nose or Lauren Hutton’s gap between her teeth…)

o   Commit to learn how to dress to honor that part of your body (this means not trying to eradicate it or hide it under layers of fabric but acknowledging it’s preciousness as part of you and not dressing as if you think it’s an eyesore!)

• Stop whining.

Okay, maybe you don’t whine, but I did for years.  Oh, poor me…I have knock knees.  Of course, since there’s nothing I can do about them, whining does nothing other than make me feel badly about my body.  Sure, I’d love to be able to wear skinny jeans (and perhaps with just the right outfit I can do it (although I have yet to find that)) but, hey, if I can’t without drawing attention there and feeling conspicuous then so be it.  There are plenty of other clothing options available that don’t accentuate my knees!

• Become a master of drawing focus somewhere else.

o   Acknowledge 2-3 body parts that you love – do not skip this part!

o   Learn ways to draw focus there by using color, detail, pattern, accessories, texture, etc. to make a statement.

o   And, by all means, do not sit around looking uncomfortable because you are afraid someone will notice the offending body part, or don’t run from having your picture taken.  Dress in a way that makes your heart sing, hold your chin up and smile!  (So, yes, you might have to practice this a few times or you might have to get some coaching on how to dress in a way that makes your heart sing but each tiny step you take towards honoring your body will only boost your confidence and self-esteem, and there is no greater benefit!).

Here’s what I have learned: life is too short to spend bemoaning what we don’t have.  Celebrate what you do have (no matter how small it is to begin with) and you will always feel (and look) better!

In the show “Wife Swap,” two wives switch families for two weeks – the first week living by the family’s rules and the second week setting their own rules by which the family must live. For the sake of dramatic tension, they choose families whose values and philosophy are diametrically opposed. I have to admit that I don’t watch the show much because it’s just too stressful but I remember one show where the women expressed their views about personal image. One woman believed that how you look is all that matters. The other, who felt strongly that beauty comes exclusively from the inside, was appalled at how much time her temporary family spent on grooming and dressing and was very outspoken about it. She rarely brushed her hair, never cared if her clothing matched, and shopped exclusively in thrifts stores and only when absolutely necessary. As you can imagine, much drama ensued! So, who is right? Does how we look matter above all else? Do clothing, makeup and hair choices have that much influence? Or, should our personality and inner essence be the primary focus with no attachment to how we look on the outside? Unless you’ve been living in a cave, you know that our society is obsessed with image. Not only that but the image they revere is young, thin and white. It’s no wonder so many women feel excluded! The key is to match your outer appearance with appreciation and expression of who you are on the inside. How do you do that?

1. Be True to Yourself: Do you feel good about how you look? Hopefully, the answer is yes. Being aware of certain parameters for appropriate dress is important, but once you understand those conditions, you can tweak them to suit your personal style and preference. The biggest question is “do you know how you want to look and how to make that happen?”
2. Know the Rules: I recently spoke to a large group of young professional women. Most were incredibly appreciative of what I shared (“Fantastic! Great addition to this year’s program!”), and a couple of them were up in arms and called my talk sexist saying that the organization that brought me in would never do the same for a group of men (wouldn’t they be surprised to know that yes, they would!). Little do they know that I am a feminist from way back (possibly, yikes, before they were born) and that my passion has been and still is to empower women. Knowing the rules (both spoken and unspoken) of how to dress for the workplace can be critical to professional success, and who would want to risk that – especially because you didn’t know any better (talk about disempowering)! If you understand the rules about dress then you are well equipped to make choices that serve you. Knowing the expectations, you can then make a conscious decision to disregard them (if you choose to) and are better prepared to deal with (or circumvent) the consequences.
3. Show Respect: Take pride in how you look. Good grooming habits are essential and have nothing to do with where you shop or how big or fancy your wardrobe is or isn’t. Others notice when you take good care of your body and your clothes…and when you don’t!
4. Dress With Intention: Many women have fallen into a state of unconsciousness about how they look. Is it any surprise when you consider the factors working against us (e.g., body image issues, social pressure, compromised self-esteem, disinterest in fashion…)? Women are bombarded with messages about how we “should” look and what we “should” wear. After a while, many give up and resort to dressing in what is safe and easy. After this pattern is repeated enough, it becomes an unconscious choice. If this sounds familiar, take a look in the mirror and ask yourself this question “If my clothes could talk what would they say about me?” Do you like the answer? If not, it’s time to make changes. And, if that feels like a daunting task, ask for help.

How you dress gives people visual cues about who you are. True or not, they will make assumptions about you based on what they see. While it is not possible to meet everyone’s expectations, you can meet your own. Dress with authenticity, respect and intention, and you will feel good about how you look everyday. Discover Your Style with Ginger! Grab your spot for your free ‘Discover Your Style” phone consultation. Simply fill out the “I Need Help ” form on the Total Image Consultants website and we’ll get you all scheduled! http://www.totalimageconsultants.com/i-need-help.shtml

The other day I was people watching as I walked around a local Target buying a new, pretty (ocean blue (in case you are wondering)) bath mat. One of the things I was struck by was the abundance of ratty sweatshirts (believe me, they had seen better days), ill-fitting capris and sneakers worn by women shoppers. Yes, I know it was a Sunday afternoon and everyone was clearly in errand-mode and wanted to be comfy. Mostly, I felt sad that these women were so harried and distracted. It was clear that their personal appearance was low on their list of priorities.

Are you nodding in agreement? Feeling a connection to these women? Do you position yourself at the top or the bottom of your priority list?

As a woman, you are conditioned to believe that you are first and foremost a nurturer of others (sometimes to the exclusion of everything else). As a result you often ignore or poo-poo your own needs and desires to satisfy the never-ending demands on your time and energy. Do you tell yourself that surely something as inconsequential as how you look cannot possibly be important enough to take time away from your other pressing responsibilities?

I cannot begin to tell you how often women share with me that they just stand in front of their closets and cry when they get dressed to go almost anywhere. After they do that often enough, one of two things happens – either they give up completely and dress on autopilot just putting on whatever is clean and “not horrible” (their words, not mine). Or, they stomp their foot and say enough.

Recently, a client of mine told me that her husband was so upset watching her get ready to go out for an evening with friends. He hated (and felt helpful to offer assistance) that she felt so deflated and unattractive because she had nothing to wear that made her feel good. Does any of this sound familiar?

What I have discovered over the years is that rarely are women low on their own priority list by design. It is often more that all their attempts to create a personal style and wardrobe they love have been thwarted – they can’t find things they like when they shop or they don’t know what looks good on them, so they give up and concentrate on others. It’s easier, more satisfying and causes less personal angst.
What is keeping you from putting yourself high on your priority list?
___ Guilt (that you should be doing for others instead)

___ Frustration (don’t know what looks good on you or can’t find it when you do shop)

___ Body image issues (you don’t feel like you deserve to look good)

___ Overwhelm (you don’t know where to begin and/or find it impossible to navigate the stores)

___ Other

If it is one or more of the above, list them in order of priority and begin to address them one at a time. Just like everyone else, you deserve to (and can) look good and feel good about how you look every day. Why settle any longer for “not horrible” or worse. Unsure where to start? I can help.

1. Start by reading Cheryl Richardson’s book “Take Time For Your Life” and find the chapter on “Get Your Priorities Straight.”

2. Next, I recommend Cheryl’s book “Stand Up For Your Life” and check out the chapter called “Stop Hiding Your Power” (Cheryl talks about my work with women and the benefits of feeling good about how you look.)

3. Finally, get a copy of my personal style home study program
“Who Taught You How To Dress?”

Yes, we all have demands on our time – many of them important. The nice thing about creating a look you love is that with a short investment of time in the beginning you can have a lifetime of feeling good about how you look! Start now so you can feel great about how you look now and for years to come!

**Need more personal assistance, fill out my ‘I Need Help’ form and we’ll set up a free ‘Discover Your Style’ phone consultation.

What do you see when you look in the mirror?  Do you admire your sparkly eyes, toned arms, or small waist?  Or, do you zoom in with great precision on your curvy hips (although you probably call them big or worse!), legs that you wish were longer, or hair that you wish was thicker?  If the latter sounds more familiar, you are in good company — it’s a common issue among women.  But, let‘s not get too comfortable there!

When I met Theresa, she sat down in a nearby chair and with a sigh said, “How can I hide my stomach and what do I do about my flat chest?” Change the day, the name and the body parts and you’ll get some idea of how often I hear women despair about parts of their bodies they don’t like.  Granted, most women come to me because they are frustrated but rarely do I hear things like, I’d like to know how to show off my long neck or hourglass figure.

Chances are good as you read the above paragraph that you are smiling sheepishly knowing that you do the same thing–lamenting about what you don’t like and overlooking what you do.  In fact, sometimes we spend so much time fretting about what we don’t like that we forget we have features we appreciate.  To be fair most women do this out of habit.  We’ve been conditioned to focus on a particular “offending” body part.  As one woman expressed, “When I was a kid, I overheard one of my aunts say to my mother that it was a good thing I was smart, as I wasn’t very pretty. It made me feel as if I had no right to try to look pretty –it would always be out of my reach.”  It’s these kind of hurtful comments that contribute to women feeling badly about themselves.  They often carry these beliefs around with them and allow them to negatively influence their day-to-day wardrobe choices.

Think back…have you experienced hurtful comments or unwanted advice that affects the way you perceive your body?

• Did you internalize it and own it or were you able to shrug it off as someone’s insensitive, rude opinion?

• How does it make you feel today?

• How does it affect the choices you make when buying clothes or making decisions about some aspect of your personal style.

Awareness is the first step to making positive change. Once you realize that you have been unknowingly allowing someone else to influence how you feel about your body, you can begin to take back your power.  Although you probably cannot change this habit overnight, you can begin to retrain your focus right away.

How?  Start by identifying one body part you like (yes, you have one (and probably many more than one)). The next time you get dressed, find a delightful way to bring focus to this body part – simple things like wear a gorgeous necklace or pretty neckline detail to flatter a long neck, choose a lovely belt or a top with waist detail that accents a small waist, or wear shoes you love to show off shapely legs.

It’s not so much what you do as it is refocusing on the positive as opposed to the negative.  Let me give you a personal example.  I am a redhead and as a result was born with very pale skin.  So my legs are white-white-white with hints of freckles, I’m knock-kneed, and my ankles are not as slim as I’d like them to be.  So, for years I focused on these limiting traits and as my college friends will tell you, I tried never to be seen wearing shorts if I could avoid it.

Finally, when I became an image consultant, I became acutely aware of the power of our thoughts and the damage it can do to our psyches, especially as it pertains to our body image.  I also began to understand the power of line, design and proportion.  Most importantly, I discovered that I was the one who was hyper-focused on my knock-knees.  No one else was noticing (at least not to the extent I was), and my embarrassment was only drawing more (instead of less) attention to that part of my body.

Would I love to have the legs of my dreams?  Sure!  Am I willing to sacrifice my personal style because my legs are not what I consider perfect?  Not any more.

Where are you holding yourself back and feeling less than?  Take one of these baby steps at a time to learn how to refocus your attention in a positive way.

1. Regularly acknowledge and honor the body parts you love (Resist the urge to skip this step!).

2. Create a positive affirmation or afformation (learn how to create an effective affirmation/afformation and be sure you are doing it in a way that resonates with you—otherwise it will be totally ineffective).

3. Learn a new fashion technique to refocus the attention to a body part you like. (Hint: well placed beautiful (that doesn’t have to mean expensive!) accessories are a great way to refocus attention.)

Choose just one of these steps at a time and really work it.  If you do, within a relatively short amount of time you will be amazed at how different you will feel.

Need a little help getting through the obstacles holding you back from feeling great about how you look?  Check out “Who Taught You How To Dress?” www.whotaughtyouhowtodress.com

We each have one — that special something we do because it makes us feel good about ourselves.  In fact, it is often something that comes so naturally to you — something you cannot imagine NOT doing — and so are completely unaware it’s one of your top secret beauty treatments.  Just think about it for a minute.

For me, it’s taking care of my skin.  I have done it every morning and night without fail since I was a teenager.  It never, ever occurs to me to go to bed without doing my routine (and my routine is quick, I promise–I don’t dilly dally).  Okay, well, maybe it occasionally occurs to me to skip it but never very seriously.  Even if it’s an effort I know that I will be so much happier having done it so I just do.

I know some of you are nodding in agreement and others are thinking…yikes, I jump into bed all the time without ever thinking about it and I sleep just fine, thank you very much!  Okay, so what’s your beauty secret?

Do you brush your hair until it shines?  Do you drink lots of water every day?  Perhaps you have regular pedicures or you meditate because it helps that inner beauty shine through.  Whatever it is, feel free to share.  Maybe we’ll each pick up a new beauty tip for the new year!