What’s standing (or should I say hanging) between you and a great wardrobe? Believe it or not, it’s not lack of time, a limited budget or the fact that you would rather have a root canal than go shopping. Rather, it’s…drumroll please…all those lonely, neglected, despised or forgotten garments that have taken up permanent residence in your closet.

You may remember from “10 Reasons You Have Too Many Clothes,” why many women suffer from an overstuffed closet. The question now is what can you do about it? How do you know when to keep something or let it go? One thing is for sure: If you cannot clearly evaluate and honestly understand why a garment doesn’t work for you, you’ll keep hanging on to it hoping that someday you’ll find a reason or need to wear it. But (and this is really important), you will not miss it if you feel absolutely clear about why it won’t ever work for you. Not to mention that this gives you super valuable information for your next shopping trip.

So many women say to me, “But, it’s in good condition. I barely wore it.” Or, “I paid a lot of money for it so I have to find a way to wear it.” They are convinced that those are reasons enough to keep it. They are not. Everyone has a different idea of what is too much or too little, and how much you paid for something does not influence whether it looks good on your or not. Of course, the more you understand about what works in your wardrobe, the less likely you will be to waste money (of any amount) on things you don’t wear. The ultimate goal, with every garment, is to wear it so much that the price per wear becomes negligible…no matter what the original cost.

If you spent a lot of money on something that doesn’t suit you, now is the time to cut your losses, learn from the experience and allow something fabulous to come into your closet that you do wear a lot (and, let’s not forget this part…that you enjoy wearing). Once you understand why it doesn’t work the chance of you repeating that kind of expensive mistake again drops dramatically.

I totally understand that your closet might not change without some serious intervention, so let’s get started!

Let me say, first of all, that if your closet is overflowing with unworn clothes, you’ll want to take this one baby step at a time or you won’t do it. You know that’s true because you haven’t done it yet, right? The job feels daunting, not even a little bit fun and just downright overwhelming. On most days, you try to get in and out of your closet as quickly as possible as possible so you don’t have to acknowledge the situation. But, with this newfound information, you’ll see the results right away.

I’m going to walk you through the steps to empower you to move an item out with grace and ease when it’s clear it is no longer serving you. Ready, set, go!

1. Take one item that you’re not wearing out of your closet, put the item on (yes, put it on!) and ask yourself these questions:

• Does the color look great (not okay, decent or good enough, but great!) on you?
• Does it fit you right now?
• Is it in good condition or are you willing to do any necessary repairs (this includes de-wrinkling, a.k.a., ironing!)?
• Does it have fond memories or at least no disturbing memories attached to it? (Please note that fond memories alone are not enough reason to keep it (at least not in your every day closet). If it has fond memories and it’s a great color, fits you, etc. then keep going. Otherwise, move it to another closet and admire it and enjoy the memories there.)
• Does it work with your current lifestyle needs? So many times I’ve seen women keep clothes from their corporate days many years after they’ve needed them…just in case. If it has been more than a year, move them out.
• Is it comfortable? If not, and the cause of discomfort cannot be remedied, it goes away.
• Do you love it? This actually should be the first question but there’s a lot to consider here so keep reading.

That was step number 1. If you can say a resounding (not pitiful whimper) yes to ALL of these questions, you may move to round 2. If you said no to any of them, it goes in the go away pile (and we’ll talk about that more in a minute).

For all of you who just did that exercise without putting the garment on and chose to put the item back in your closet even though you haven’t worn it in eons (you know who you are!), take it out and ask yourself this:

• Can you make a complete outfit with it? If not, ask yourself these questions:
• How long have you had it? (If it’s more than 2 years since you’ve worn it, it automatically goes in the “go away” pile.)
• Did it used to have another piece that went with it? This happens often. You buy a pretty print skirt, for example, and the top to go with it and then the top gets a hole or a stain and you have to discard it. This leaves you with half of an old outfit and no way to complete it. Chances are 10 to 1 you never will. (Again, if you’ve had it for more than 2 years, it automatically goes in the “go away” pile.)
• If you are still reluctant to let it go, you absolutely must put it on. Believe me, your mind can play funny tricks on you and if it has fond memories associated with the garment you’ll feel compelled to keep it…until you see it on. At least 85% of the time, it turns out the garment is not as fabulous as you remember (and that’s not to say it wasn’t fabulous at some point but it had its day and this isn’t it). Perhaps it fits your body differently (or maybe not at all). It might feel “old” – like it came from a different era. And, often times you discover it has a stain, a tear or some defect that makes it less likely that you can still wear it. This is all invaluable information that you often won’t get without having the garment on your body.

Why go through all of this? Because it’s a thousand times easier to give something to charity, take it to a consignment shop or discard it if you know it will never work for you. There’s a freedom that comes with that awareness and once your closet is cleared of all the unworn and unwearable clothes, your mind and heart will feel lighter.

If you put something in the go away pile and you’re experiencing heart palpitations worrying that you’ll miss it, relax. There is an interim step that will give you some ease. Simply pack the items away in an empty closet or plastic bins in the attic. Most importantly, get them out of your every day closet. That way, if you decide you miss it you know exactly where it is. I can easily predict that 99-100% of the time you won’t miss something for even one second.

As you can see from all of this, if things just sit in your closet, you need to find out why before you take the next step to create a wardrobe you love. If after asking yourself all these questions you are still unsure about some pieces then it is time to get some objective, preferably expert, assistance. Sometimes you are just too close to the situation to be objective yourself or you just need some expert validation that you are making the right decision for the right reasons, and with a little support and guidance it all becomes crystal clear.

So, keep going. You’ll gain momentum the more you are able to understand what’s working and what’s not. In fact, make this a regular exercise so you don’t end up every year or two with a closet full of unworn clothes. Assess your situation on a regular basis and you’ll be getting dressed with joy and ease every day. Ahhh, can you just feel the relief!

You might wonder why I am writing about this now as we go into the summer season when bare skin is the norm.  Well, I’ll tell you. It’s all very personally motivated.

You might have heard me mention that my legs are not my favorite feature.  Since we all teach what we have to learn, I have spent time doing the inner work necessary so I can honestly say that I have come to love and appreciate them.  Will they ever be the legs of my dreams?  No.  But am I thankful that they are relatively long, strong and take me where I need to go?  Yes.  And, part of my accepting them the way they are is the knowledge of how to dress them in a way that makes them look pretty good – (the magic of illusion is a wonderful thing!).

That’s where nude stockings come in.  I can hear a collective groan as I say that, but please don’t stop reading.  Trust me, I too, am not a fan of pantyhose either.  Since I was a teenager I have not been able to stand anything tight around my waist, and I spent decades cutting the waistband of my pantyhose so I could breathe (yes, you can still do that as long as you don’t buy “sheer to waist” pantyhose and you don’t cut them so much that they fall down (I never had that happen so don’t worry about it too much)).  And, there was no chance that a pair of control top pantyhose would come anywhere near my body!

Then, along came the current generation of young women who reject any suggestion that nude stockings are the way to go.  In fact, they snicker at the idea that they should ever consider wearing them!  They see it as wearing fake legs and just the idea makes them kind of squeamish.  In their opinion, bare legs is the only way to go. Obviously, this is a fashion topic that is highly polarized, and there doesn’t seem to be much middle ground.

I am not going to try to change someone’s mind who is firmly ensconced in the belief that bare legs are the only option (although I’m sure they wear tights of various colors). Let me just say that I believe strongly that in a conservative professional setting stockings are appropriate.

So, back to me since I suspect many of you can identify with my experience.  I am writing about this now because for years I did not wear many dresses.  For those of you who know me, I can see you checking your memory for times when you’ve actually seen my legs!  The truth is there haven’t been many occasions.  But that has changed this season, and it’s exactly the reason nude hosiery is on my mind.

Let’s talk about the 5 reasons nude stockings have disappeared from so many women’s wardrobe AND 5 new ways to invite them back in:

1. They Make You Look Like an “Old Lady!”  Ask any 20-something woman, and she’ll gasp at the mere suggestion that she wear nude stockings.  They are so not cool.  As with most fashion trends it’s really just because they didn’t grow up with them.  I mean, really, just look at those young men who wear their pants down below their butt with their boxers showing and you can’t tell me it’s not a fashion rebellion.  The same is true for nude stockings.  When worn well there is absolutely nothing wrong with wearing them (and often you can barely tell someone is), but it’s more the idea of them that offends young women–we did the same thing with bras 30+ years ago)!

Solution: You’re probably not surprised to hear that my new favorite celebrity is Kate Middleton.  Not because I know very much about her or follow her every move.  I don’t.  But, I do appreciate her bringing nude stockings (ooops, they are now called nude tights!) back into favor (at least more than they were).  Sales have increased significantly since she entered the celebrity fashion scene.  She has proven that nude tights don’t have to look obvious or matronly.

2. Pantyhose are Uncomfortable.  I don’t think that most people will debate this.  This is arguably the #1 reason pantyhose fell out of favor with those of us who used to wear them.  In fact, I still have bags of pantyhose left over (I used to buy them in bulk because they cost less!), and I am the first to admit that they are not my favorite accessory.  Yes, I wore them for years because that’s all there was, and it was an expected part of our wardrobes in the 80’s and 90’s.  However, instead of embracing the bare leg fashion statement, I just covered my legs in a different, more comfortable way: pants.

With dresses being such a huge fashion trend now (yay!) I was beginning to feel the pull to wear them.  But, after having one or two of them sit in my closet for a year or more because I never felt right wearing them with bare legs, I finally decided I had to do something about it and solve this dilemma.  And, I have!

Solution: Bear with me on this one.  The solution is thigh-high stockings (just breathe and keep reading!).  They are super comfortable (no waistband to squish you) AND when you are wearing an A-line skirt or dress (or one that just flows softly over your curves) no one can see the band on your thigh (even if it does cause a touch of a muffin top).  Trust me, I have a muffin top with it and no one can tell (except now you all know).  More on brands coming up.

3. They are so 80’s.  Give this one up!  Half of the 80’s styles (e.g., bright colored pants paired with other bright colors or black, peplums and flashdance style shirts) have made a comeback this spring so shouldn’t nude stockings (when worn well) feel right at home?

Solution: If you remember the 1980’s as well as I do, you might not want to revisit all of those styles – especially not all at once – but bringing the stockings into your current wardrobe with a pretty pair of platform shoes, for instance, or with a fabulous patterned dress will feel current and elegant.

4. They are a Huge Expense.  Why do you think I bought them in bulk years ago?  Invariably, after just a wearing or two, I’d put my toe through one or catch it on something and have that unsightly “laddering” – the new term for runs.  One other word of caution…the stockings are meant to be “nude” so they should match your skin color and not change it noticeably (“suntan” stockings should be outlawed on someone with very fair skin) or you run the risk of looking very dated.  (And, the good news about laddering in your stockings is that when truly nude stockings run, it is less noticeable because they blend in so well with your skin.  And, there’s more good news.  When you get a run in thigh high stockings you only have to discard one leg of the pair!)

Solution: You can buy them in bulk (once you determine the brand and color you like) but I have noticed there isn’t a huge savings on them – unless perhaps you can get them at a Hanes’ outlet (that’s what I used to do). My two favorite colors were “Barely There” for Fall/Winter and “Little Color” for Spring/Summer.

I was also just introduced to https://www.viennemilano.com/ stockings.  Yes, they are way more expensive but rumor has it that they don’t run easily.  I just ordered my first pair so I will keep you posted.

5. You Can’t Wear Stockings with Sandals:  This was another reason I stopped wearing stockings for a while.  What do you do about the webbed toes?

Solution: Enter my favorite kind of stockings – toeless!  Donna Karan makes a good brand and you can even get the Berkshire brand for less (it’s not as smooth and silky but will do the job).  Yes, you have to play with the band around your toes to be sure you can’t see it when you put on your sandals but it’s amazing how it turns invisible in many strappy sandals.  Be sure to try them on ahead of time with the sandals you want to wear to be sure this is true – sometimes they are obvious and that’s worse than webbed toes.

Can everyone go bare legged with skirts?  This is where the debate gets tough.  Women with long, slender, evenly tanned legs are so quick to say yes, but for the rest of us the answer isn’t always so straightforward.

I’ll just use my legs as an example.  I’ve never had a tan in my entire life.  Burns, yes.  Tan, no.  Being a redhead this is not surprising but what also comes with my red hair (which I wouldn’t trade) is super pale and translucent (you can see a mix of freckles, purple undertones, red and white so my skin never looks smooth and even.  And this has little to do with aging – it has been the case since I was a kid).

Some well-meaning women will say, “So get a spray tan.”  Okay, so I could do that, but do I really want to commit to something that I have to do so often?  It gets expensive, time-consuming and, to be honest, since I’ve never had a tan, having even slightly tanned legs looks very foreign on my skin.  Not to mention that I don’t know exactly what is in those spray tans and I’m not so keen on repeated applications of something I feel so unsure of.  Trust me, I do enough “beauty treatments” without adding one more!  But, that’s just me.  So, more than anything, what the stockings do is smooth out my skintone and create a sleeker line (and, yay, they also smooth out any dimpling).  Quick and easy!

If your skin is unevenly colored can you still go bare-legged?  Yes, of course.  It’s certainly a personal preference and, yes, I do go bare-legged with skirts when I’m being very casual (but I’m even more hyper-vigilant about the fit, length of the skirt and shoes I wear so that I feel good in them).  That said, I also know that my legs will draw more focus when they are bare because they are not as smooth, and that’s not my preferred place to have the eye go.

It’s clear to see that the stocking debate is here to stay for now.  There is certainly no one perfect answer for everyone.  And, while I’m sure this information did nothing to change the minds of those who are firmly entrenched in their no nude stocking beliefs, hopefully, for those of you who are on the fence and looking for a solution, these 5 options above will give you food for thought and may bring you the solution you’ve been looking for!

Stiff, restrictive, scratchy, heavy, fussy…yikes! Is there anything appealing about that? I don’t think so. Gone are those days when we’d suck it in and make it fit all the while wishing we were home in our jammies! Now, we want the comfort of polar fleece without sacrificing style. While that might be pushing it a bit, comfort really doesn’t have to be as elusive as we think. Sadly, however, many women have given up on having it all, so to speak, and have settled for comfort over beauty.

Now, don’t get me wrong. I love polar fleece as much as the next woman, and I certainly have my fair share of them (in beautiful colors, I might add) to wear around the house in the winter. But, when it comes to stepping foot outside my home, they don’t see the light of day.

I’ve also become less and less captivated by fashion at all costs, and by costs I mean discomfort. Remember the old idea that you have to suffer for beauty. I don’t buy it anymore! Believe me, I wore my fair share of restrictive pantyhose in the 1980’s and walked way too far in heels that were meant more for standing than moving. Now, while I still love high heels, I’m much more selective about which ones I choose and when and where I wear them.

What I have seen and heard, however, is that women are sacrificing their personal style – their outer expression of their own uniqueness and beauty – for the sake of comfort. They don’t see how they can have both and after trying unsuccessfully for a while, they give up. Then they feel bored, frumpy, old or invisible but they don’t know how to satisfy their need for cozy ease and beauty.

(NOTE: And, please know that when I speak of beauty I am referring to your own personal definition of beauty (even if you can’t articulate it clearly now) and how it relates to the clothing and style choices you make – not some elusive, ridiculous standard of beauty that the popular culture tries to push on us.)

So, that said, how do you add comfort and beauty to your wardrobe? These 5 tips will help you reframe your comfy vs. beautiful conundrum:

1. Define what is beautiful to you. This is sometimes one of the hardest steps for women to do — often because they don’t even know what the possibilities are. This is where exploring a bit can benefit you or just stepping outside your comfort zone (so to speak) when you are trying things on. Remember, you don’t have to buy something just because you try it on. You can always say no thank you and put it back on the rack. Visit a new store (perhaps one you’ve eyed from outside but haven’t ever gone into) or try on a style you never would have in the past. If it doesn’t work, just chuckle to yourself and put it back. If it does work or at least intrigues you, explore it further.

2. Add Stretch: Since they’ve started adding lycra or elastane to everything clothes have become so much more comfortable. My most favorite designer, Joseph Ribkoff (note to Mr. Ribkoff – please make more colors and less black!) puts stretch in absolutely everything. I can be totally dressed up and be super comfortable when I wear his clothes. (And, none of it (not even the jackets) need to be dry cleaned!)

Let me give you an example. I never, ever wore jeans until they added stretch to them a few years back. Now I find them so much more user-friendly. That said, they still aren’t always as cozy as your yoga pants. If you’re looking for a pair that you can feel put-together in and still feel comfy, try the jeans pictured above. Click here for more information. They are super comfortable and because there is no zipper the front stays nice and flat. (Please note that they tend to run a bit short so for those of you over 5’6 you might have to wear flats with them.)

3. Set a New Intention. If you always assume you won’t find anything that feels fashionable and comfortable then you won’t. It’s that simple. As the old adage goes, if you think you can or you think you can’t, you’re right. So, if this is true for you, simply flipping the switch in your mind can make all the difference. Create a new affirmation such as, “More and more I find beautiful, fun clothes that I feel good in when I’m running errands.” Do it often and watch for signs it’s working. If you need to try it on something simpler first. You’ll be amazed!

4. Let Go of: It’s TOO _________ to Wear Everyday. So many women I work with say (at first), “I can’t wear that to run to the grocery store. It’s too dressy.” Or, “It cost too much to wear around the house.” But, think about it for a minute. If it is just sitting in your closet waiting for the right time for you to wear it you are really wasting your money. Sure, this way of thinking might not change overnight but perhaps this will give you some food for thought. If cost is an issue, then try this. Get a pretty dress from a lesser-priced store like Dress Barn and wear it even when you’re cooking (and yes, you can always wear an apron over it)! Click here for more information. Or, I often go to Nordstrom Rack and pick up some fun, comfy, jersey dresses in great colors that I wear around the house when it’s hot. Who says you have to be in shorts and a t-shirt.

5. Take One Baby Step at a Time. If you are reading this thinking, “I don’t know where to start,” then take a deep breath (or 2 or 3) and do just one thing to get started. For instance, if you’re a shorts and t-shirt kind of gal right now, then find a new style t-shirt. Buy just one and see how you feel. Try a Glima T-shirt. Click here for more information. Instead of the square boxy T-shirt with a universally unflattering neckline, you get one in a nice cotton fabric, with pretty colors and a beautiful neckline. I have several of these that I wear at home and to go to our neighborhood café. Here’s a tip: If you prefer short sleeve, just take this to your tailor and have the sleeves cut to the length you like.

Want more help learning techniques to identify what works for you and what doesn’t? Register for my ‘Your Style, Your Way’ workshop coming up on Saturday, June 2. It’s only $325 for a full day with me transforming the way you think about your wardrobe (payment plans also available). You’ll never approach shopping the same way again! But, wait, use this coupon code YSYW10 to take 10% off.

It’s that time of year again…the holidays!  Whether you love them or wish you could sleep through the next 6 weeks doesn’t change the fact that they are fast approaching.

Forget the parties, forget the dress up, fancy stuff – there’s already a lot of talk out there about that.  I’d like to talk about how to dress for a cozy gathering of family or friends that is holiday-driven but still casual and fun.  How do you find your holiday glam when your spirit says bah-humbug?

Finding that sweet spot where you look like yourself, feel comfortable and also make it feel special is part of what celebrating is all about.  So many times I hear from women that they get their children all gussied up or they put their heart and soul into the delicious food they’ll prepare but when the time comes to peek in their closets and get dressed, they sigh a long deep sigh of resignation…there’s nothing there that makes them feel as special as they want to.  Then, in a last ditch effort to feel the holiday spirit they grab the same old red sweater with jeans (or the equivalent) and run out the door.

Does that sound even a teensy weensy bit familiar?

I’ve been speaking with a lot of women this past week about their wardrobes and the common theme is “ease.”  Ahhhh, doesn’t the idea of a personal style that allows for ease and grace just make you feel so good? Okay…okay, I know, reality then sets in as you slam your closet door on a wardrobe that seems to contain very little that resembles ease.

I don’t know about you, but that sure sounds good to me – a little more ease and flow is good for everyone.  And, bringing that concept into your wardrobe is just one way to make the holidays a bit more joyful and fun, don’t you think?

What would that look like…for you?

Sure, creating a full wardrobe that makes your heart sing is a fabulous concept and one that is definitely worth focusing on.  But right here and now when the holidays are right around the corner and you just want to feel good now, let’s look at some possibilities.

Here are 3 different options for a lovely, relaxed holiday gathering.  Of course, it’s important to put your own signature on whatever you wear but maybe this will inspire you.

1. Want cozy and feminine? How about a beautiful sweater dress.  And (here’s a great idea), how about if it is in a color other than black!  Try this Cowl Neck Dress (#1 pictured at the right): Click here for more informatiom. Although I absolutely do not recommend those shoes with the dress – even on her long, thin legs they look heavy and clunky!  If you really want to feel cozy, how about black tights and sleek knee high boots?  Add a touch of glam with some fun, sparkly earrings like these Amethyst Purple earrings (#2 pictured at the right): Click here for more information.

2. How about comfy and chic? Yes, it took me a while to embrace (again!) the whole concept of leggings but I have and I love it.  I wear ones that resemble very skinny, stretchy pants so they have a little more body to them than regular leggings and don’t feel so thin and exposed.  And, I always wear something long enough.  Try your favorite pair of leggings with fabulous boots and this sweater over a long sleeve top (that comes down at least crotch length).  Belt the underneath top with one of these fabulous belts (there are some really fun options for belts out there so choose one that speaks to your personality) and let the vest hang loosely (#3 pictured at the right). Click here for more information.

Belts:

The first belt is SO different and totally fun (obviously not for everyone but it’s sparkly and festive) (#4 pictured at the right): Click here for more information.

Stretchy belts are super comfortable and this one, although it has sparkle, is actually somewhat understated.  This adds some glam without being over the top (#5 pictured at the right):  Click here for more information.

This belt is much more casual and is different from the typical belt style we see out there (#6 pictured at the right): Click here for more information.

Don’t like belts?  Try letting the top flow loosely under the vest and wear a long necklace like this one (#7 pictured at the right): Click here for more information.

3.  Cozy, Casual Comfort. If jeans are your thing, step it up by wearing a dark wash jean that fits you beautifully (stretch is the key component) accompanied by your favorite sweater and add a fun faux fur scarf in a delicious color like black currant (#7 pictured at the right): Click here for more information or this fabulous red scrunchy scarf (#8 pictured at the right): Click here for more information. Talk about cozy and festive!

Need help tying a scarf?  Watch my scarf tying video to learn to tie it in a fun new way: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RYxVGkwB3TM

Whatever your look, be sure you choose it with intention and are not scrambling at the last minute to find something “acceptable” to wear.  This is a great opportunity to be you in a comfortable setting with people you love – so with a little advanced planning you can relax, enjoy, have fun and look great!

This summer I was shopping at Nordstrom Rack and came across an Alberto Makali top that caught my eye. The colors were beautiful and the design was sparkly, ethereal and just plain pretty! But I hesitated…just for a split second, but I made note of the hesitation.

My momentary uncertainty intrigued me. What was keeping me from running right into the dressing room to try it on (although I did ultimately do that)? Was I limiting my options or was it really not me?

Have you done the same thing? Have you admired something or been even mildly captivated by something but just walked on by – determining from past experience or some nebulous fashion rules you think you remember hearing somewhere that it isn’t right: women over 40 shouldn’t wear it, horizontal stripes are a no-no, or anyone with hips needs to stay way far away from that style… (you get the idea)?

Here’s something to ponder: There’s a fine line between “knowing” yourself (for instance, feeling genuinely confident that harem pants are not for you) and ‘limiting’ yourself, and your style when it’s not necessary.

Many women pigeon hole themselves into a prescribed way of dressing and thereby limit their options and often squelch their sense of delight. Their wardrobe becomes functional and one-dimensional — devoid of any personal style and their boredom level escalates.

What is at the root of a one-dimensional wardrobe?

• For some it is a fear of stepping out and being noticed as opposed to blending in or trying to disappear.
• Some worry they will make a fashion mistake and look silly. It’s understandable that someone would rather look and feel boring than silly, but it is rare that most women will push the envelope to the point of looking silly. Their worry is generally unnecessary. Unfortunately, anything outside the norm of what they usually wear feels so foreign that they lose perspective on whether it’s trendy, fashionable, cutting edge or none of the above. As a result, tried and true (or not so true but at least safe) wins out.
• And some women are so bound and determined to “find their style” that they hyper focus on certain designs to the exclusion of all else – “knowing” that they can’t wear those things – although not always knowing where that knowing came from (and it has often been received second or third hand at best).
• Still others try really hard but can’t quite seem to figure out how to make it all work and give up from sheer overwhelm and frustration.

I hear this from women all the time. “I can’t wear that,” or, “That doesn’t work on my body,” or, “I’ve tried that before, and it just doesn’t look good.”

Sure, sometimes it’s true but honestly, more often than not it is a self-imposed fashion rule. And, most fashion rules have an exception from time to time.

The next step is: How do you move into a wardrobe that has more personality and dimension without it feeling overwhelming or making lots of expensive mistakes?

Let me go back to the Alberto Makali top I eyed. I was intrigued enough to try it on. Sure, in general I am not the bohemian type but I also know that it’s all about how you interpret any given style, bohemian included.

The top is beautiful! I did buy it.

• It fit me perfectly.
• The colors are beautiful and great on me.
• The top has that ethereal, slightly bohemian quality but in an exquisite, elegantly beautiful way.
• I wear it with more structured pants to keep me from feeling swallowed up by too much airy fabric.
• I wear it when my mood (and the temperature) is more relaxed, sultry and quiet.
• And, I got it at Nordstrom Rack so if I had made a mistake (better to make an occasional mistake than feel restricted by too many self-imposed rules), it would not have been an expensive one.

How can you translate this experience for yourself?

• Pay attention to what catches your eye. It never hurts to try something on. The worst case scenario is that it looks terrible or doesn’t fit right (and can’t be tailored) and you take it off and put it back on the rack. No harm done and often something valuable learned.
• Complete the outfit before you decide. Tossing something on with a pair of sweat pants or sneakers and a skirt will not help you visualize (unless you’re very good at it!) whether the garment has potential. Try to complete the outfit as closely as possible in the dressing room to give you as much of an idea of how it will look finished as possible.
• Listen to your heart and be practical all at the same time. Always imagine where you’ll wear the garment and how it will fit into your wardrobe and lifestyle. AND, if it is something you absolutely love, be adventurous. Hey, although mostly I wear the Alberto Makali top casually and socially, I might choose to wear it to a picnic or baseball game (not that I went to either this summer) if I felt inspired to and it made me feel good – who says I can’t!

Each of us has different parts to our personalities and part of the fun of getting dressed is not only liking the way we look (of course) but also expressing each part of our personality that desires to be expressed in a heart-felt, authentic way. Sure, there are parameters determined by your body type, your age (sometimes), and the particular occasion, but you get to put the spin on how you express your own individuality. Don’t let yourself get stuck in a rut or a hard and fast prescribed way of dressing. Exploring is part of what keeps it all interesting and fun!

What did you learn about yourself from part 1 where we discussed how living with a wardrobe you don’t love undermines your spirit, sacrifices your dreams and wastes your time? What are your hidden costs of having an uninspired wardrobe?

Keep those notes handy because now we are going to talk about how you start to create a wardrobe and personal style you love. (If you missed Part 1, here’s the link)

The truth is that this is a journey…a life-long experience. It isn’t something you do once and then it’s done forever. Yes, creating a personal style you love means paying attention, but first and foremost it means making some changes if you don’t already have a wardrobe you adore. The only way you lose is if you give up!

So, here are 3 steps to help you make changes now:

1. Organize your existing wardrobe. Okay, before you panic and say that’s worse than shopping, I’m here to help. My new FREE e-course (which you can get by subscribing to my Nurturing Beauty Publication) is now available and will take you step by step (baby steps, really!) through this cleansing and uplifting (yes, it will be uplifting) journey. Please promise you won’t skip this step before going on to the next one. This step is first for a reason. Trying to create a personal style you love while your closet is filled with stuff that doesn’t serve you will only lead to frustration and discouragement – I’ve seen it happen many times (and have done it myself!).
2. Identify one element missing from your wardrobe. Please resist the temptation to make a list the size of the phone book of things that are missing from your wardrobe. That will only overwhelm you and keep you from moving forward. Choose just onefor now.
   • Let’s say it’s shoes. I know there’s a good chance there are lots of reasons you don’t have the shoes you need (wide feet, can’t wear heels, bunions, long, narrow feet, wear orthotics, etc.). Don’t go there. Focus on what you do want, e.g., pretty basic shoes to go with pants, a charming pair of shoes to go with a skirt…or whatever will make you happy). Then…
   • People watch. See what shoes other women are wearing. Look for ones you like that you think might fit your requirements. (Don’t take time to bemoan about what won’t work for you. Keep your focus on what you do want.) When you see someone wearing a pair of shoes you like, stop her. Tell her you love her shoes and was wondering where she got them. I bet she’ll be delighted you noticed and will be happy to share.
   • Shop somewhere new. So many people get stuck shopping at the same place over and over. If you don’t like the results, it’s time to find some new places to shop. Even if you think you’ve tried everywhere, keep looking. There are always new places popping up and stores that seem to be the world’s best-kept secrets. If you are open to finding them they will appear. I’ve seen it happen over and over.(Do the same thing if your critical need is a new haircut, a dress for a wedding, bathing suit or even basic black pants – whatever your critical need is. There’s always an answer.)
3. Keep it positive. If you go shopping with the attitude that there are no shoes out there that fit you…that your feet are impossible and everything hurts…all the good shoes are too expensive…guess what you’ll find! Yup, you guessed it – you’ll get exactly what you expect. Start to change all that now (and don’t beat yourself up if you fall back into old habits or don’t at first succeed…just keep going).If your experience has been one way for a long time, just congratulate yourself on every little success (no matter how small) along the way. It will pay off in the end. So, picture yourself wearing the most beautiful pair of shoes (don’t get hung up on the specifics – go with the feeling), or perfectly fitting black pants or whatever you are looking. Keep this picture and feeling front and center as you shop.

Bonus: Only buy and wear something if you love it and think it is beautiful. There are no exceptions. This is your opportunity to bring beauty back (if it has been missing) to your wardrobe and style.

Be diligent in following these steps, and you will see a difference.

Little successes add up to big successes. Keep this concept in mind when you are feeling frustrated. Whatever you do, don’t give up! Support is always available.

This is a very important topic, and I recommend highly that you go back and read this more than once. We all need little reminders that we can have what we want. By understanding that you deserve it and by taking these baby steps, I promise you can feel great about the way you look.

If having a wardrobe and personal style you love seems elusive at best and time consuming and frustrating at worst, use these steps to help keep you focused and motivated, and celebrate each little success along the way!

It’s the little touches, the extra care taken to be sure something is “just so,” that completes a look. Imagine presenting a simple report in a beautiful binder with an enticing cover page (rather than simply handing it out stapled), or how much a garnish of mint adds to the beauty of a dish of sorbet. Although the ordinary presentation is acceptable and gets the job accomplished, that extra touch gives it interest and gets noticed with admiration. It’s that finishing touch that says you’re mindful of the details that make a lasting impression.

It’s the same with your personal presentation. Putting a simple, basic outfit together is one thing, and it certainly gets the job done. But going the extra mile to make sure the outfit is special (which does not mean that it has to be obvious, flamboyant or expensive) is the difference between good and great.

Here are a few subtle extra touches that get noticed.

1.  One Spectacular Accessory.

This is possibly the easiest and most effective way to accomplish this feat. You can even keep it simple by dressing monochromatically (wear black, white, brown, navy… any neutral color works well) and add a beautiful handbag or colorful shoes. The key is not to have millions of scarves or a closet full of handbags and shoes. It’s to have a few extraordinary accessories. You can spend the same amount of money (often even less) on a few wonderful things rather than on a drawer full of ordinary accessories. In the long run, you get more value from them because you wear them more.

Check out this statement necklace at Spiegel and how it enhances her outfit

2.  Beautifully Manicured Hands.

People notice hands. In fact, since we are always shaking hands, making a point with our hands, or talking with our hands, it’s hard not to notice them. And, because they are so functional, it’s easy to unintentionally neglect them. The first step, if you don’t naturally do this, is to evaluate the condition of your hands:

• Are they in good shape or are they dry?
• What’s the state of your nails and cuticles? Manicures are not expensive. They protect and preserve the look of your hands. Polish isn’t necessary. Keeping your cuticles and nails groomed, however, gets noticed.

Try this awesome line of nail products from SpaRitual (www.sparitual.com or www.dermstore.com) (socially responsible, environmentally conscious and 100% vegan and cruelty-free) (my favorite color is Gold Digger).

3.  Have a Good Hair Day.

Okay, so we’ve been having a couple of months of bad hair days here in the northeast. With snow, sleet, freezing rain and winter hats, our hairstyles don’t stand a chance. Believe it or not, I’ve even heard weather people (even men!) report that a particular day will be a bad hair day. We live with this possibility all year round but it has been particularly bad this winter.

Your hair is your biggest accessory. It’s one of the first things someone notices because it’s right there front and center. I also know that for many people if their hair is not cooperating (or changing in a way they don’t like for myriad reasons) then somehow other things don’t seem to work right either. One of the keys (weather aside!) is having a great cut that flatters your face and good grooming and maintenance. Messy hair is distracting and an unflattering (or style-less) haircut will never do you justice.

Having a hairstyle (and color) that you love just makes you feel better. Trust, me I know all of this intimately having just grown my hair out for the past year from short to just beyond my shoulders and my stylists can tell you that I have done my fair share of complaining along the way.

If you don’t have a great stylist, get a referral and go to someone new immediately. Having a hairstyle you love can lift your mood, bring focus to your eyes and, hey, for those of us over 40 it can provide a kind of mini-face lift.

These are just a few of the “accessories” that can make your personal presentation look and feel special. Remember that just because someone doesn’t say anything about how you look doesn’t mean they don’t notice.

Nine times out of ten proper decorum will prohibit someone from mentioning something negative. The little extras will at the very least get an appreciative glance and many times a compliment. The best part of all, of course, is that you will look and feel great!

I’ll be the first to admit that there is an exception to every fashion rule.  And, for sure I am a huge proponent of creating a look that expresses your own spectacular personal style AND (this part is critical) that feels like you.

Fashion no-no’s, however, fall into a league all their own.  These are looks that are almost (I’ll speak more to the “almost” part of that equation in a minute) universally unflattering.  I, for one, know of no woman who wakes up each morning thinking, “Why don’t I put something on today that looks dreadful.”

Think about it.  Is that ever your desired goal when you get dressed?

So, what happens?  Why are there so many fashion no-no’s floating around out there?  And, think very carefully…have you experienced one yourself?

There are lots of reasons why these no-no’s are so pervasive.  Let me briefly share three of them (you can also learn more about them in greater detail and how to prevent or overcome them in my body image, self-esteem and style home study program, Who Taught You How To Dress?:

I gave up on New Year resolutions a long time ago.  I got tired of feeling badly when I didn’t do what I said I would do.  Since then I have learned that it’s all about me and not about the expectations of others or the time of year.

By now, most people have either made their New Year resolutions or have cynically (or just indifferently) poo-poo’ed them as a waste time.  It seems that these days few people embark on a resolution with gusto and determination and even fewer actually maintain it.

Why?

My philosophy is that we bite off more than we can chew and expect big-time instant gratification.  Guess what…the problem is not with the instant gratification…that can happen.  The problem lies with the “big-time” part.

We don’t want to just lose 2 pounds.  Anyone who has seen the Biggest Loser knows that unless you’re losing double digits every week, you’re not cutting it, right?  Wrong!

What about starting an exercise program or carving out time to meditate.  We expect perfection immediately, e.g., an hour a day at the gym or 30 minutes of focused breathing when in the past all we’ve ever done is buy a gym membership and tour the facility or we’ve sat quietly for 30 seconds (which felt like 2 hours) before we’ve given up on our intention.

The same can be true when creating a wardrobe and personal style.  I’ve seen it happen over and over — good intentions mixed with unbridled enthusiasm.  Yay!  Then, a week or a month later, the intentions get watered down or they turn completely sour and the enthusiasm, well, let me just say that there’s more despair than joy involved.

Don’t let this happen to you!

I’d like to share 3 very important steps for creating a resolution that truly inspires positive change.  Use these steps to strengthen your resolution and your resolve and make the experience fun and inspiring.

1. Be Kind To Yourself.

If you go into a resolution with the sentiment that, “I’m a mess.  I look terrible in all my clothes because I’ve gained weight since (fill in the blank).  Nothing fits…I’ll never look good in anything…I’m too short…my hips are too big…I hate to shop”…you get the idea, then guess what!  Your mind is saying, “Yikes, get me out of here.  Let’s just live in sweats and forget it.  This is going to be too painful and not fun!”

Stop right there!  Catch yourself the next time this happens (sometimes we do it so automatically that we are not even aware of it).  I can tell you that every time you say something mean or demeaning about yourself (even in “fun”), your mind takes you seriously.

But, that can be a great first step: become aware of self-talk that is not serving you. Find something to replace it.  Maybe something like, “Every day I feel better and better about my body and am excited about creating a style I love.”  Check out books by Louise Hay – www.louisehay.com for guidance in learning how to bring more personal kindness into your life.  Just try it (even if you are rolling your eyes and think I’m crazy).

It works…just ask Kim Raymond:

“I have been using your mantra of ‘more and more I feel…’ and it is so empowering.  Saying I am beautiful wasn’t working for me but the ‘more and more I feel beautiful, powerful, etc.’ is absolutely working AND happening!  Woohoo.”  — Kim Raymond

2. Be Specific About Why!

Why do you want a wardrobe and personal style you love?

Yes, maybe being able to get dressed quickly and easily every morning is a part of it.  Maybe you are sick of wearing the same old thing or maybe you decline invitations because you don’t know what to wear.

That’s all important stuff to know.  But, be absolutely sure to also think about how it will make you feel to have a wardrobe and personal style you love. How will it change your life and your psyche or your inner spirit? Take a few minutes and write down what this will mean for you.  If it feels scary, admit that.  If it feels like a weight will be lifted off your shoulders, acknowledge that…whatever it is, just listen.

This is the step that will catapult you from wishing and longing to making progress toward your dream.

3. Have a Plan.

Most people create resolutions about things they don’t like to do or don’t really want to do but feel like they should do.  That’s a recipe for disaster and failure.  It often features deprivation, coercion and requires lots and lots of self-motivation.  So guess what…when the going gets tough, it’s natural to say, “I can’t do this.”

Who wants to spend her life beating herself up every minute because she “should” be doing something she doesn’t want to do or doesn’t know how to do.

A plan will help and, by all means, make it manageable and, yup, fun!  If you need to clean out your closet, invite a friend over for tea or wine to help, or if you want to go shopping, don’t just wander out aimlessly to the biggest department store you can find.  If you hate to shop, this will make your head spin, and it definitely won’t be fun!

Instead, find a small store that looks interesting (be it a cute, little boutique or maybe a new consignment shop).  Go in with a plan.  Decide you want to look at tops or accessories or jackets.  You don’t necessarily have to buy anything but just look around (keep it light and fun).

Explore and see what you learn about yourself.  If you come out empty-handed, applaud yourself for not buying something mediocre or settling for something that you had any questions about.  If you buy something, be sure you LOVE it and that it makes you smile.

If you try this and you feel overwhelmed or frustrated, then a little extra support will serve you well.  You could go with a trusted (not pushy!) friend, seek the help of a saleswoman you like, or get support, for example, by way of my body image, self-esteem and style home study program “Who Taught You How To Dress?” (www.whotaughtyouhowtodress.com)

Most importantly, don’t give up.  Just remind yourself that you learned something about yourself and go to plan B (get support!).

So, here’s your homework:

___   Be kind to yourself

___   Be specific about why you want a wardrobe and personal style you love (how will that change your life and your inner spirit)

___   Have a plan (and go to plan B (get support) if you need a little extra TLC)

I know what some of you are thinking.  Hey, I thought you were going to tell me 3 things that I should buy that will update my wardrobe for the New Year.  This other stuff feels like work!

Be honest…is this what you were thinking?  If yes, let me tell you that I completely understand.  Here’s the truth, though.  How long have you been struggling with your wardrobe and personal style?  How many new years have passed at the end of which you are still in the same stuck place?

It’s these steps above that set the groundwork for making a huge breakthrough!  If this were not true, you could read one fashion magazine or book and be done with it.  You’d be all set.  It really doesn’t work that way, as I’m sure you know.

“Anything worth doing is worth doing well,” (words of wisdom from my mom). And, feeling good about who you are and having a wardrobe that supports that definitely falls into this category.  And, let me add that it can be fun.  It doesn’t have to feel like hard work all the time.

What’s really hard work is living with a wardrobe that doesn’t inspire you! So, take the challenge.  Do your homework and the payoff will be great.

Let this be the year that you honor who you are and let your inner radiance shine through.  All it takes is one step at a time!  Begin today and you WILL see results.

Who do you see when you look in your closet? Is your mother’s face smiling back at you from that ruffle shirt you’ve never worn?  Or, is your best friend’s favorite dress hanging out in there taunting you?

Most often, in response to the question, “Who do you see when you look in your closet,” I hear:

• My mother
• My sister
• My best friend
• Myself, pre-children
• Myself, pre-30 extra pounds
• Myself, pre-menopause
• Whoever was working at the store the day I went shopping
• The store window mannequin…
• All of the above!

Is this true for you?  If so, what is the first feeling that comes to mind when you open your closet to get dressed? Exhaustion?  Overwhelm?  Denial?  Frustration?  Dread?  Some combination of all of these?  Rarely, under these circumstances, is it joy and delight.

Guess what?  When you look in your closet you want to see YOU…just you. That part of you that makes you smile, that reminds you of fun times and delicious memories (maybe the memories are of pushing your daughter on a swing, lunch with girlfriends, a successful business presentation, or a precious date with your sweetie – these are the simple pleasures that make up life).  You also want these feelings to be reflected in every aspect of your wardrobe down to your nightgown and slippers!

If you’re shaking your head in despair or frustration, you are not alone.  Most women will admit this is easier said than done.

So, let’s shake things up a bit.  Let’s begin to weed out those garments that make you roll your eyes or cringe.  They have absolutely no place in your wardrobe.

Evict the Strangers:

1. Remove one item from your closet that feels more like someone else than you. If you are near your closet go there right now and do this (if not, take a big piece of paper and write down the first thing that comes into your mind so you’ll remember to remove it later). Even if you don’t know why it isn’t you or what to put in to replace it…the very first step is to get it out of there.

As long as it is taking up space in your sacred closet (yes, this is where your essence is expressed every day!), you will feel over burdened, frustrated, annoyed, despairing or resigned to all of those feelings every time you get dressed, and none of that is good.

It is also very likely that you aren’t wearing those things anyway – it’s more like a security blanket but the security is a sham.

1. Identify one garment or outfit that makes you smile the second you put it on. It can be a dress, pair of pants and even a pair of shoes or scarf — no item is too small or insignificant.

Lay both of these garments side by side and have a piece of paper handy (your Nurturing Beauty Journal will do perfectly if you have your home study program “Who Taught You How To Dress?”)

For the outfit that isn’t you, write down everything about it you don’t like. Be as picky as you can be.  Maybe it’s the way the fabric feels?  Perhaps the buttons seem overwhelming or there are just too many of them?  It could be that you dislike the pattern or the way it clings or it has a belt and you don’t like belts.  Write down everything!  (If there are a few things you like about it, write those in a separate column.  Maybe the color is pretty if it weren’t so shapeless.)

For the outfit you love, write down everything you like about it. Color, texture, fit…maybe it makes you feel sophisticated, down-to-earth or pretty.  Whatever it is, write it down.

These lists are your lifeline the next time you go shopping.  Don’t leave home without them.  The next time you try on an outfit, run down both lists and compare the garment.

This exercise alone will help you stay focused when you shop. It is so easy to get distracted by all the choices, the lighting, or the helpful “advice” from sales women or your shopping buddies.

Sometimes, your desire to find “something” is so great that you settle for the best of what you find which often doesn’t really measure up to anything even close to fabulous – and that’s what you are shooting for!

Now, take a long, deep breath…this is just one step in creating a wardrobe you love.

How did this exercise make you feel?  Encouraged, hopeful, excited or like, yikes, now what!  If you feel like this is just the tip of the iceberg for you and you need a super jumpstart before you have to buy your Fall wardrobe, then I want to invite you to learn more about the upcoming Fashion Fairy Godmother workshop.

The Fashion Fairy Godmother workshop is a 2-day, action-packed workshop that will completely revamp how you shop, get dressed and change how you view your wardrobe and personal style forever!

“I haven’t felt this confident about my appearance in years!” This is what Kathy Wilk said after attending the Fashion Fairy Godmother retreat in the spring.

BONUS OFFER: As a very special extra bonus, when you are the first person to register by Monday, August 30, you will receive a $50 gift certificate to Jewelry by Karel (she will be there with her jewelry on Sunday when we’ll talk about how to accessorize using all the information you’ve learned the previous day).  Get this special bonus right here: www.fashionfairygodmotherprogram.com

MORE BONUSES: When you are either the second or third person to register by Monday, August 30, you will receive a $25 gift certificate to Jewelry by Karel. Believe me, this is one of the most treasured bonuses (and you’ll see why when you’re there!).

If you are not sure if the Fashion Fairy Godmother workshop is for you or just what the next best step is for you overall, simply fill out my “I Need Help” form (http://www.totalimageconsultants.com/i-need-help.shtml), and we’ll set up a complimentary ‘Discover Your Style’ phone consultation.

Whatever you decide to do, now is the perfect time…before you are perusing your Fall wardrobe and wondering what you can possibly wear to get you through the next 6 months!  Imagine instead feeling empowered and joyful about the transition!