When Black Isn’t Loving You Back: Softer Ways to Wear Your Favorite Neutral
If you have a love affair with all the black in your closet, I understand why. It’s easy. It goes with everything. You don’t have to think too hard about what to pair with it. And it’s very possible that it used to be a perfect go-to for you.
But perhaps you have noticed that lately, on some days (or maybe even most days?), black doesn’t love you back anymore?
You put on that favorite black top and instead of looking pulled together, you look tired. The shirt shows up before you do. Your skin looks a little washed out, and the shadows under your eyes seem to have invited friends. You’re not imagining it. As we get older, our coloring softens, and black often gets heavier and harsher on us as time goes on.
I stopped wearing black years ago (especially on top) because, although my red hair stood out next to it, I felt haggard when black was close to my face. Not a look I am ever going for!
Here’s the good news. If you absolutely love wearing black, you don’t have to give it up entirely. You just have to be a little more strategic about how you wear it.
1. Move the black away from your face
While black anywhere in an outfit can sometimes cause issues (that’s a story for another day), the predominant trouble with black usually happens right up near your face. That’s where it drains the warmth from your skin and can intensify lines. So keep black on the bottom and put a softer, more flattering color where people actually look, which is at your face. Then choose a top in a color that makes your eyes sparkle and your skin glow. You still get the ease of black. You just move it to where it doesn’t overwhelm you as much.
If you do wear a black top, choose one with a v-neckline or scoop neck. Avoid crew, boatneck or turtlenecks. I’m going to be blunt here, if black is not your color, those higher necklines can sometimes make your head look disembodied from the rest of your body if the contrast is just too much. Lower necklines allow your face and neck to feel less overpowered by black.
2. Add a scarf or a topper in your best color
If you’re attached to a black top, layer over it. A scarf in a color that loves you, worn near your face, changes everything. Suddenly your eyes come alive and the black becomes a quiet background instead of the whole story.
A cardigan, a jacket, or a vest in a flattering shade does the same job. The black is still there. It’s just no longer the loudest thing in the room.
3. Let your makeup do a little balancing
Sometimes black just needs a little help from a slightly stronger lip or a touch more definition. I want to be very clear here. A bit more makeup can balance the intensity of black, but it can only do so much. Years ago I was shopping at a store with a client and I overheard one of the saleswomen tell my client that she could look good any color as long as she adjusted her makeup. So not true! If a color is truly wrong for you, no amount of makeup will fix it and the last thing you want to do is wear so much makeup that it looks unnatural and like you’re trying too hard to make the black work. You won’t feel good that way. But, for many women, a slightly bolder lip and softly defined eyes bring back some of the warmth black steals.
4. Trade some of your black for brown
Here’s the one I nudge many clients toward again and again. If you look in your closet and feel burdened by all that black, a true dark brown may be your answer. Not caramel, not tan, not honey. A deep, rich brown and thankfully these days it’s actually easier to find than it was a few years ago.
Brown has a warmth and softness that black simply cannot offer. It’s more forgiving, especially as we get older. It can make you look approachable instead of severe. And more women look wonderful in deep brown than you’d think. That said, in many cases (and I’m generalizing wildly here), if your hair has gone to a cool gray, it’s very possible that brown won’t be your best. In which case, maybe switch to a soft navy or charcoal gray.
I’m sure that black earned its place in your closet for good reasons once upon a time. It just doesn’t need to run the whole show anymore
If black is feeling a little less wonderful than it used to, try one of these small shifts the next time you reach for it, and pay attention to how you look and feel. Your mirror and your instincts will tell you the truth. Listen to it, and let black share the spotlight with the colors that truly love you back.
